Despite my claims to the contrary, I am not a Nobel Prize winner.
I was born in a small town behind the wall in a suburb of Boston, Massachusetts in 1961. However, I still claim to be no more than 39 years old. After all, I've gotten pretty good at it having achieved this milestone several times over. At just three years of age, I developed an unhealthy interest in baboons. This would go on to play an important role later in my life. Although my early records are sealed by court order, I will tell you that I had a "typical childhood." Later I attended, and was often asked to leave, numerous colleges and universities in several states, finally earning a masters degree in Business Administration.
In 2004, I entered the record books as the first person to break all Ten Commandments in all fifty states in fifty days. Although the June 2-3 Missouri/Kansas cross border murder/idolatry spree casts a pall over my achievement, I remain proud of my accomplishment. I was also involved in many, various contacts with alien cultures during my travels to the Aztec temples in Central Mexico. I consider this to be of great importance as this was clearly a factor in my ability to retain a large repository of Klingon language and cultural knowledge.
If a pilot can be judged by the number of crashes he has survived, I must be an Ace. After a 20-year career in the military, I retired from active duty and ventured out into the civilian job market where I now comfortably reside in a padded cell, er, I mean, cubicle. I now make a modest living as a Senior Software Engineer for a major security firm. Happily, I am pleased to announce that my retirement is now completely secure since I was recently named a finalist in the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes.
I often speak in public, unless prevented by a restraining order, and relate a much more interesting story of my life when I do because, well, frankly, I lie a lot.