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Posted 6/21/2013 4:30 PM (GMT 0)
I have nothing to add over whats already been said.
I will say this though, ANY surgery has a recovery/healing period.

My son was involved in an accident at work and severely broke many bones in his lower leg and ankle. 9 screws, 6 inch titanium plate and 2 flexible straps or whatever they are called.
He had to have surgery, and now some 2 months later he is still on crutches and in a cast. He can put a little pressure/weight on it, but still has pain.
He is getting better as time goes by, and that's the point I wanted to make, it takes time to recover.

Hang in there MHMeyers, it WILL get better!
Posted 6/21/2013 5:58 PM (GMT 0)
MHM,
This being like your first post, welcome aboard Healing Well. Sorry if I beat you up when I responded last night. I talked to you just like I would if you were my brother, which, in a way, you are.
I have been dealing with incontinence for 11 months now and it is hard not to compare yourself to others. A guy who had his surgery right after me, on the same day, with the same surgeon was dry in 6 weeks. Each man is different, each tumor is different. I stand a lot, a lot of guys sit at work. It will take time but no one knows how long. Do what you have been told by these guys. The best advice I got was to put a pad inside the Depends brief. If the pad fills up, you have a back up pad to catch any overflow. I keep lots of pads in sandwich bags so I can run into the restroom and put on a fresh pad and dispose of the old one in the sealed sandwich bag.

Stick around, come back often. There will be many more peaks and valleys in your journey. As we all said, what you are going through is normal. What your doctor told you is not normal.

Bill from Florida cool
Posted 6/21/2013 7:45 PM (GMT 0)
MHM,

When I got the catheter out and dumped the contents of my bladder on the floor, I wanted to cry. I thought that my life was going to be one of Depends and all that implied. Every thought was negative. Despite that, time and whatever patience and practice I could muster got me of diapers within a few months.

Take care and hang in there! All the best

Tim
Posted 6/21/2013 8:35 PM (GMT 0)
MH - your doc does sound like an ego-centric jerk - oh well... bedside manner doesn't always come with a skilled hand ( here's to a steady and boring recovery for you - including being continent ( and I don't mean Europe)
:-)

-when ever I see someone in a cloudy mood - I share with them a phrase I am stealing from an HW member ( can't remember who it was)

"... I used to be a complete idiot. Now I have parts missing."

-that usually brings a smile to their face...

sincere hugs,
Bronson
Posted 6/21/2013 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I guess the doctor meant what he said, when he said my response was sub-normal. I just got a call from his nurse and he is sending me to physical therapy next week. The nurse said he usually doesn't do that until the 2 month point, so he really thought I'd be better than I am even after one week. Or because I complained because he never told me about being 100% incontinent, just that I would "leak a little"...
Posted 6/21/2013 10:21 PM (GMT 0)
MH, glad you are going for therapy. Still don't know why your doctor is still saying things like that, he would have no way of knowing how you would end up with incontinence issues in advance, it varies so very much guy by guy (as you have seen from the responses here), doesn't need to make you feel bad or insecure because your body didn't react in the manner that he expected. 100% incontinence is a real risk for any man post surgery (at least in theory, thank goodness, for most men, that phase doesn't last real long), as is the risk for some serious level of ED. What are his expectations for you and ED, although I am almost afraid to hear his answer.

I think you will do fine with improving continence over the next few weeks or months.

david
Posted 6/21/2013 10:44 PM (GMT 0)
You'll be OK sooner than you know, and by your pathology report you should consider yourself one of the lucky ones. All the best, and keep us posted.
Posted 6/21/2013 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
Kind of quick to be rushing to P/T. Give it a month (but I'm not a doctor!)

Mel

Posted 6/21/2013 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
Im not buying your spin MHM. You are using, not even a clever disruption of words, to elicit and manipulate those around you. Namely us'ns and any one else that will catch your ear. sorry pal, you do not have my support on your " spin". I want to hear from the doctor on this one and that ain't gonna happen right. My post on this subject at the bottom of page1, laid out what I " thought" happened. Your last post on this subject a few above this one,coupled with all your posts tells me a lot about you and it is telling. Im not telling or even not imagining any more. Im done with this thread. I should print a transcript of this thread, find and send a copy to your doctor. Oh, an easy yes or no answer to this question. Did your Doctor ever, ever, say to you at any time that you were a sub normal person. Oh yes MHM, words mean something……...
Posted 6/21/2013 11:34 PM (GMT 0)
Logo:

C'mon, cut the guy some slack.

It is an upsetting situation.

I hope this thread is providing some reassurance.

Mel

Posted 6/21/2013 11:44 PM (GMT 0)
Not gonna do it compiler, no slack on this one. Hard core to da max. But I will ignore him, I need a little bliss from this guy. Last post on this thread. Logo
Posted 6/22/2013 12:05 AM (GMT 0)
Might I suggest this post be made a sticky.

In my nearly three here, almost exclusively just reading, no post has been as genuinely written or as profoundly responded to as this. English Alf, your reply should be required reading for very single pc patient worldwide.

I would rather not have had this disease, but to be exposed to the wonder and the wisdom of the posters on this site makes it nearly an even trade.

You guys rock!
Posted 6/22/2013 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
Logo, with all due deference, I don't think MHM deserves being chastised for being understandably concerned about his lack of continence at this stage in his recovery.  Whether the doc called him "sub-normal" or his current lack of continence "sub-normal" is really not the problem here.  Our goal, I think, should be to help MHM deal with his current problem and keep things in perspective as he continues to heal and, we all hope, gain control of his bladder.

In the meantime, MHM perhaps should give some thought to requesting a leave of absence following his major surgery until he feels fully recovered.  I would hope the school would be understanding of his situation.

 

Posted 6/22/2013 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
Logo,

You don't make any sense. You first post to a newbie: "Its cool to vent here, we're here for that."

Then you cross examine him in your last post. If that's support, then it's probably good that was your last post on this thread.

Jerry L.
Posted 6/22/2013 1:15 AM (GMT 0)
For those who are still listening, no, the doctor never said I was sub-normal, he said my level of incontinence was sub-normal, below what he had learned to expect from himself and his surgery. I was surprised myself being referred to PT, since he had said he would do that if I was still having problems in two months. However, my "Cancer Advocate" (a nurse assigned to cancer victims) called me Wednesday and asked what my biggest complaint was, and of course, I said "incontinence with no control". I expected her to say "that's to be expected" but instead she said "I am going to contact your doctor's office tomorrow". That's how the early PT started, I guess.
As for ED, I have had trouble there since 1994, so when the doctor heard that, he said "it would be a much more complete cure if we took both nerves rather than try to spare them". So I said "ok". I'm already used to using other methods, so that's not a big deal to me.
You guys have given me the courage to go out to dinner with my wife tonight to celebrate health. We're walking to the end of the block to a bistro and I'll pee in my Depends, and try not to think another thing about it.Thanks, you guys.
Posted 6/22/2013 1:36 AM (GMT 0)
Great Friday night watching "Veggie Tales" with my two year old grandson. Silliy song just finished-"Be Patient" don"t be in such a hurry!. Hard lesson to learn for a two year old. Might be equally hard for someone 58 years old sitting at home in a diaper. The difference is a 58 year old should be able to differentiate the general accepted potential that you are only sixteen days out from surgery and you have the possibilty to get better. That has been communicated through nearly every response today. Very surprising the lack of gratitude and celebration that post surgery Gleason was down graded, no positive margins, no ÉPÉ! No SV involvement, no lymp node involvement- I wonder how many 8-9-10"s would trade places tonight.
We all agree the surgery is hard, but you just push on . Your doctor knows you, your personality and situation better than anyone here. This journey is only beginning- I would hope the therapy will give you the tools you need to mentally get a handle on moving forward and physical ability to learn to be "potty trained" none of us would want to be here but we are. Remember "Be Patient- don't be in such a hurry!"
Posted 6/22/2013 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
enjoy your dinner! And so glad you have the nurse advocating for you. Things will get better, it's a process for everyone, different issues, different levels but a process for all.
Posted 6/22/2013 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
One more thing wear black pants-lol
Hope you and your wife have a great time going out!
Great start to getting back to some form of normalcy.
Posted 6/22/2013 1:55 AM (GMT 0)
Actually JerryL I explicitly withdrew support in that post. Everything was all tidied up and then in his last post be fore " my last post on this thread" MHM reverts to blaming his doctor uses the subnormal buzzword again. Poor little me syndrome, which to me is chronic and will do it again when it is to HIS advantage to do so. Sorry JerryL to create a response which you specifically stated was a good thing not to do. The irony being of course that it was your post that created the response you did not think should be posted. JerryL+Logo = response not wanted by either. BTW when person pulls the suicide card as in the threads title, to get attention or even with intent to do so. There is a problem which is way beyond the purview of this forum and should be brought to the immediate attention of professionals who are trained to deal with this. Now that I would call proper support. You just don't screw with other peoples minds that way and I will call anyone out that does it. Pls all, spare me the "figure of speech shtik" This ain't Rocket science!!
Posted 6/22/2013 2:07 AM (GMT 0)
Black pants and black shorts - great suggestion. With my Urostomy (stoma), I never know when my device might give up and I suddenly pour out urine from a hole in my side. I have been wearing black slacks anytime I am out in public for over 3 years now, too afraid of a leak that would show up on lighter colored pants. And unlike you guys that are wearing pads, if my device blows out, there is no going to the bathroom to change out pants. The device change out would require a full shower, and lengthy prep, before putting on a new one. I have had several blow outs, and it is embarrassing, so I do understand that part. Without my device in place, I would be considered 100% incontinent, and its for life, the surgery for the Urostomy was permanent in nature, so I am stuck with this issue for the rest of my life.

Still feel you will "dry up", given some more time, patience, and some work on your end.

david
Posted 6/22/2013 3:40 AM (GMT 0)
Had a great time at dinner, actually felt normal. Felt like I turned a corner. You guys gave me the courage to just "act like you're normal and no one will even think that you're not". It worked. My butt hurts a little from the hard chairs in the bistro, but my wife was happy I wanted to take her out, and I was happy to be there, too.
Posted 6/22/2013 3:53 AM (GMT 0)
that was a good thing to do, and a good first step forward. a happy wife is a happy husband, if you know what side your bread is buttered on.

david
Posted 6/22/2013 11:01 AM (GMT 0)
Mh,
Glad you got out for a dinner.
I had the same issue as you and was devastated.
I felt like such a freak wearing depends AND a thick pad for a month after my surgery.
Then I got more confident and slowly did more and more.
Now the sunshine never felt so good , a nice meal with my wife is bonus time,
I am 6 months out and wear no pad at night, a light one in the day, But I am always aware of my sphincter tone. Always am ready to Kegel at a moments notice, but most women have been like that for a long time.
Keep at it !
Dave
Posted 6/22/2013 1:13 PM (GMT 0)
MH,as they say post surgery,"welcome to the other side", I know you're anxious to getting back to your norm but it does take time and its different for all of us.
Glad you had a great time with your wife...Life is good!
Posted 6/22/2013 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hey MHM,

Here are two useful techniques for you.
1) Learn to tie a simple clove hitch to stop leaks.
2) The "Ignore poster" is the second box in the upper right hand corner of the post. (The red one with the thumb)

If you are able to use the first technique, you are in no way sub-normal in anyone's book! Just sayin'. ;-)

Jeff
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