Does HW depress you?

Ed said...
whatever you focus on will grow

If only it were true. Trimix works ok but isn't any fun. My VED works sometimes... But 'focus' no longer works at all. Now, I'm depressed, too.

good point Mel....to each his own. Nothing wrong with guys like casey and purgatory who pay it forward and I see nothing wrong with the guy who pops in for awhile to keep up with things....I do a little of both.....although read more than I post.

Ed...I must be focusing on my belly because that's the only thing that seems to be growing...

F8 said...
a wise man once told me: "whatever you focus on will grow".
ed

So, I just changed my focus from the size of my pants to that of my savings account!
Thank you!

I've made a couple of jokes here but a serious question deserves a serious reply. I don't usually do serious but I'll try.

Prostate cancer is not a particularly fun disease and any forum that deals with it on a regular basis is going to elicit some negative emotional responses from almost anyone. I certainly am no exception. But the question is, does it depress me? Let's see...

First, as a moderator I would be remiss if I failed to mention that you guys sometimes vex me -- especially when people, all of whom I like pretty well, take turns sending me emails, each telling me that the other is evil. That can be wearisome at times but it is also kind of bracing. The fantasies of bashing heads together gets my blood pumping and prevents the leaden, hopeless feeling that is real depression.

There are threads that are sad. So dammed sad that, before I was a moderator I tended not to read them. They are the threads about advanced disease and about running out of options, and out of time. Now they are some of my favorites. It never fails to inspire me how brave the participants can be there. What brings them back to the forum is their eagerness to support each other, no matter how dire their own situations may be at the time. Again, not depressing at all. Just a bit sad sometimes.

Those same threads can be frightening. Often, that guy who has just moved into hospice and isn't expected to live out the month has a signature that reads a lot like mine except that they have been fighting the beast longer than I have. Currently, I seem to be beating it. Which is good. But a lot of them seemed to be winning, too, a couple of years back. Scary. ... but... also oddly reassuring. They may be dieing but they are still living. They make jokes. They make plans. They are more than their disease. Again, they inspire. If it comes to that for me I hope I can do half as well.

I guess the bottom line is that, for me, HW is not depressing. I get depressed all by myself. HW actually helps, even when it vexes me, or makes me sad, or frightens me with what may happen if my luck doesn't turn. It gives me an opportunity to try to help other people be less vexed, or less sad, or less worried. It's easy to be philosophical about other people's problems... and some of the philosophy does actually stick with me.

That's my quote, and although I think this is a very appropriate topic for everyone to discuss, I must say I was taken out of context as I think anyone can see from the actual quote. Hey, English is my second language and I can see it...

All I meant was that since my PSA test is in a few weeks, I'd rather go about my life blissfully ignorant and numb to the realities of what that test may tell me. Also, not made obvious in my post is that I'm 4000 miles from home, away from my wife and kids, alone in a hotel and a city I have now explored hundreds of times, going to a hospice everyday to visit my mother. I do feel for all the tragedies I hear about here but right now I have no space for it. I'm just down enough already.

This site has some uplifting themes, some amazing posts like the one from Todd in the infusion room, and some genuine fraternity, but it is a bit depressing/overwhelming sometimes. That's exactly what our disease is sometimes, depressing and overwhelming.

I think there are times when the board is valuable, and other times when it makes sense to step away and focus on other things in life. I go through addictive phases when I post so much I don't even know if I'm even posting about PCa anymore or just posting with a bunch of "old" men :) and phases where I post nothing for weeks or months. I think overall it's important to move on in life and away from this disease. There are many ways of helping others if that is what drives some. But I really think that beating this thing also means moving away from it mentally. An oncologist I know who also happens to know of this board told me in no uncertain terms to move away from it. He told me it wasn't healthy for me. His logic was that most people on boards like this are here because they have an advanced form of the disease they can not move on/away from. Where people like me can and need to move away and cannot by staying here. Although I could see the logic in what he was saying, I still didn't leave. I don't know why yet, but my instincts tel me it helps and does not do harm. There are some people here, and they know who they are, who I find wonderful and very helpful. Understanding life, the realities of life, through their word is helpful for anyone trying to navigate through the complexities of this disease and life.

And I agree with Ed of course. Nothing original in what he said anyway. I know Yopper is 100% genuine so I am definitely NOT talking about him, but definitely beware of people "selling" you anything including help. Specially if they make an obsessive agenda out of it. You don't need to be a genius to spot BS.

Anyway, Mel, I think the only really important thing to take from this for me is you, you're a good good guy and I've sensed your stress level rise in last months. You're more withdrawn, less combative. I hope you get through this period and, move on to the next phase.

Goodnight from Tuscany where they say "e le Toscane, puttane puttane puttane"

sorry to hear of the liver issues Mel......my liver numbers are sorta outta whack too from the zytiga but not enough according to my doctors to worry...they just told me to lay off the alcohol. Said I can drink 1 drink in a week or less so I might drink a little red wine on a rare occasion.

Mel - I follow all HT threads closely and I try to read through the lines sometimes from those on HT. I expect to be on it some day, have more fear of it than I did surgery, but once the professionals tell me it's my time for it I shall take the leap. What I've read from many of the guys here on HT will serve me well when that day comes. That's paying it forward on all your parts without selling anything.

Yopper, her hands have started to tremble. She used to have the most fluid, soft loopy handwriting but now her writing has started to resemble broken glass. I was noticing yesterday. Her memory is failing her so she writes notes to herself all over her room. She bored, I was going to buy her drawing material but so far have only focused on getting her BBC documentaries on iTunes.

I think there is genuine desire to help and be a good guy and calculated manipulative "help" with a scope and agenda. Of course there are good people. Sometimes, if not often, however, "help" is anything but genuine.

In the early 90s, when I went to work by subway every day in NYC, there used to be all kinds of people hitting the subway cars offering and selling help in one form or another. One guy was a a self proclaimed preacher selling bibles. He was a big man, maybe 6.8,very intimidating, he'd come on the subway car with a huge duffle bag filled with wrapped sandwiches and bibles and start the same spiel every time. He'd tell us how only a few years earlier he was a fiend, a drug addict, who would have harmed us with his brute force for anything he could have stolen from us. He had a whole bit about how he hurt people physical, almost killed people and then remind us over and over again how only a few years earlier that would have been our experience with him. Then he's start to recite passages and offer homemade sandwiches to anyone who was hungry and ask for donations so that he could make these sandwiches for the needy and purchase bibles to distribute. Everyone always kind of rolled their eyes but didn't dare say anything until finally, one day, some guy sprawled out on 3 seats looked at him and said " take your as* home with that bullsh**" I think that as a general rule Ed is right. Although this of course does not mean there aren't genuinely good people who want to help. Just look at all the help my mother is receiving from her community brothers and sisters. Amazing stuff, as soon as arrived here one of her "sisters" called me to offer me her car to use while I was here, another brought her some 20 different plants to put outside her room. I see good gestures all the time, but sometimes beware. Sometimes there is a clear financial motive, sometimes a manipulative obsessive motive, and sometimes, it's really about addressing personal issues rather than paying it forward. At least to me this much seems clear.

Excellent thread!

I am in total agreement with Casey59's comment:

"My reward, which keeps me coming back, is knowing that I’ve provided solid guidance ..."

Each of us has some special and valuable advice to offer people coming in to the forum and requesting it, because of the wealth of different life experiences that we all collectively bring to this forum.

For example, in my case I look out for the recently diagnosed Vietnam veteran, coming here and asking for advice. Not only am I especially able to address many of his concerns, because we will have similar backgrounds, but as well, and more importantly, I may turn out to be the person who alerts this veteran to the government benefits he is entitled to and may not already be aware of.

In fact, this happened recently. Poster azzsunshine2013 started a thread about a friend who was a Viet vet and who was possibly facing a PCa Dx. I then had the satisfaction of making a post to bring his attention to these benefits, in case he was indeed Dx'd and wasn't already aware of them. Perhaps in doing so I made a difference. If I did, then that made my day.

Perhaps some of us don't believe that our own personal backgrounds are significant or relevant enough to enable us to provide guidance or encouragement to others, especially new posters. But we can do this. All of us.

Each of us has a background that can serve to help others, because there will always be someone whose own background is enough like ours to benefit from our sharing with that person.

HW depresses me when I read posts from some of our PCa veterans that are facing challenges. HW depresses me when we lose a brother - Our Bud certainly still hits my heart to this day.

This is when things changed for me.  I was posting regularly for two years after Ron's surgery.  Much like Yooper, after about 4 months he was doing well.  He had his prostate removed; no HT, chemo, radiation, etc.  His PSA has been a consistent 0.01 and we hope to one day truly believe he is cured.  But nothing is taken for granted.  When Bud passed away, I was extremely depressed and slowly backed off from this forum.

I return to check up on the guys still posting here.  Most have posted on this thread, except for one friend.  Like I told Ron, getting close to someone with this disease can be so hurtful.  When David introduces a question/answer thread, I will respond!  That's how you found out we have been to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 48 times!  I will never totally leave the forum as I do care and pray for all.  Plus, there are so many kind women posting here.

(Yooper, Ron was born and raised in Menominee.  He understands exactly what you're talking about.)

Peace,

Aimzee

"I think we are here because we are already a little depressed because we have or had PSC."

I believe that's true. Having cancer make a bond between people.

HW doesn't depress me. I come here mostly for knowledge. It shows me what happens to men in real life - apart from what I read about or hear from physicians. It has helped me understand, a bit, how men think which has helped deal with my husband's psychological issues.