Bill Vaughan
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Jay Leno
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.
James Agate
New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
Jim Gaffigan
My new years resolution for 2014? I will be less laz
Joey Adams
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!
F.M. Knowles
He who breaks a resolution is a weakling. He who makes one is a fool.
Quotes by Anonymous
Dear God, my prayer for 2014 is a fat bank account and a low PSA. Please don’t mix these up like you did last year.
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.
This year let’s resolve to make better bad decisions.
My excuses for already failing my New Year’s resolution are more complicated than the fiscal cliff deal.
For my new year’s resolution, I promise to stop correcting your terrible spelling and focus more on your horrific grammar.
My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.