Any regrets?

Peter:

You have actually changed the question.

Also, some folks have regrets that have nothing to do with their tx. decision choice.

I have no regrets because I made a decision BASED ON THE AVAILABLE INFORMATION I HAD AT THAT TIME.

If I was dx. today, with my same situation, I probably would make the same choice, but maybe not. It would be a much closer call!

Mel

Eagle
So you feel if you would have acted quicker, things would have turned out better and that you didn't really get the attention you should have gotten from the medical professionals you were dealing with? Are you doing ok now? I hope so. Thanks for you offering this info.

Absolutely non accusatory. Just seeking helpful, useful info. Seems to me to be non-offensive in nature. At least that was my intention.

Peter
I reread all the responses to my question. I don't see any response, other than yours, that would indicate I was stepping on any toes. At least that is my take. I apologize if you feel I did. All the responses seem to be coming from a rather matter of fact viewpoint than anything else. Does anyone else feel they could benefit from these "from the heart" feelings these responses have shown? I personally feel that these experiences are of great benefit to guys (and gals), asking for any suggestions and help from the experienced veterans this this great forum has.

Lotsahope,

I apologize if it sounded like I was accusing you of anything untoward. That was not my intention.

What I was staying is that when a man is asked if he has regrets about his treatment choice, and if he had some sort of negative outcome (something worse than he was hoping for), then there will be an annoying little voice in the back of his head that accuses him of having screwed up. Most guys who are not happy with their results will respond to the question of regrets with whatever they need to say to make that annoying internal voice shut the heck up. Surgery guys who leak or are impotent or (like me) both, will tend to be the most vocal supporters of surgery.

Personally, I struggle with this tendency and I try to be impartial. That said, as I type this I am taking a break from an email argument with Tall Allen in which I imply that some of the research he likes to quote isn't quite fair to surgery. So, maybe I don't always manage to overcome the tendency myself, either.

Mel,

Your response says that you have no regrets because you made your decision based on the best then-available information. You go on to say that if you had the decision to make over you would probably chose the same thing but that it would be a closer call. My question: if your drift away from certainty about your decision had taken that next step -- if you would now believe that you would be better off if you had chosen differently -- then would that qualify as a regret, even though your decision was made based on the flawed, but best available, information you had back then? Regret has two meanings, essentially they are remorse and sadness. If you made a sensible decision based on the best information you could get then, yes, you have no reason to beat yourself up, that is, to feel remorse or that sense of regret. But you could still be sad, couldn't you? That is my point, however clumsily made and I apologize for losing myself in the joy of debate and rampaging through this thread like a bull in a china shop.

This discussion reminds me of a recurrent theme in fantasy literature, namely that of getting the chance to go back in time and change things, thinking that altering the past will somehow make the future better.

In a typical plot of this kind the hero regrets something he did, or didn’t do, in the past. He is convinced that if he can just go back in time, redo that thing, and thus alter the future, that things will turn out oh so much better than they did the first time.

So in the story, through some supernatural means, he gets his chance, goes back in time to that situation, makes different choices and alters events, and thus creates a new future.

And as he is returning to the present he is congratulating himself on how much better the present will be now, thanks to the changes in the past that he has made.

But when he gets back to the present what he finds is that things are different now but not necessarily better. In fact, they may actually have become worse because of what he has done!

Moral of story: we don't have enough wisdom to play God in this way.

So, this is another reason why we shouldn't beat ourselves up too much about decisions we made in the past along the PCa road. Because if we really could go back and change things from the way we did them the first time, maybe select a different treatment plan, there are no guarantees about what the outcome of that would have been, and we might just have wound up like in the story.

When we talk about what our doctors told us -
I took a recorder, and taped all the conversations. As I would go back days and weeks later, I discovered that what was said versus what I heard were two very different things.

He told me about the SEs. He gave me percentages, risks, possible options. I just did not hear all of them that first day. The more I learned, the more of what was said became clear and relevant.

Mind you that I did go back and listen to each one several times as I was moving through the various appointments, so there were less surprises than some seem to have found.

And yes, based on the information at the time, there was no real choice for me that had better prognosis, if I intended to be around very long. Knowing what I know now, it was still a good decision.

I don't know the answer yet.

Odds are, the cancer is gone. My post-surgical pathology seems pretty good.

But, at age 52, with an attractive wife who still seems to enjoy a sex life, the ED has been a major issue. Assuming it does resolve, will sex ever be as enjoyable again? Will my ED last through the last couple years before my wife hits menopause? And, would that mean that we lost a couple quality years that can never be replaced. What would have happened if I'd simply waited a couple years? Picked a different therapy? Waited and then done something different?

The quality and quantity of years are not interchangeable. I'd rather have 5 great years than 10 bad years. I think.

I am definitely in a post-surgery funk, where the libido remains intact and the function isn't there at the moment. I know that for those who have moved on to ADT and other more advanced treatments, this might seem like a small issue. But, to go from fit and seemingly perfectly healthy to being so completely impotent at the moment has been a kick in the face. I knew it was coming and still chose surgery. It wasn't "real" yet when I made the decision. It's very real and very frustrating now.

By the end of the week, I'll have a supply of TriMix and there will be erections again. Beyond that, who knows?

I'm 5.5 years post-op and I'm one of the guys for whom prostate/cancer removal via da Vinci worked well and I show no evidence of the cancer's continued presence and my PSA results have been 0.0 since the operation.  I didn't hesitate when the Urologist recommended removal vs. other courses of action.  It took me about 5 minutes or less tso tell the Urologist to schedule the surgery.  I've never looked back or second guessed.  It turned out that my prostate was more seriously invaded by the cancer, moreso than the biopsy predicted.  My prostate is out and I don't have to worry about the matter any longer.  My life is different since the surgery, particularly so with urinary issues which persist and my sex life is nowhere as enjoyable as it once was ... but the way I look at it is it's a reasonable trade-off:  I'm alive and healthy.  My advice to others has always been to obtain the best, most competent medical advice possible and then to put their care in the hands of the professionals.  If someone lacks confidence in their primary care physician/urologist/surgeon ... they should move-on to the next set of advisors until they find ones they can trust.  Best wishes for a wonderful recovery, and life afterwards.

Just found this discussion which is very interesting. I personally expected to see much more of those with regrets to prostate Ca treatments.
I am 52 Y/o who was diagnosed with prostate Ca at age of 51 last sommer and had RALP 3 months ago. Was diagnosed with Gleason 7 4+3) in 1 of 12 with 5%. Also had TURP in June 2016 when accidentally diagnosed with Gleason 6.
I regretted having RP 100%. I would have same regrets to any other form of treatment more or less. I am the person who very much value QOL above any longevity. I was not rushed in surgery. Had multiple consultations with other specialists and had researched all treatment option. Every consultant that I met with was recommended surgery as best modality considering my young age and excellent health. It happened that my wife who is a nurse and works in urology clinic at a teaching hospital talked also with attending urologists, multiple residents of all-level from PGY2 to PGY4, PA's, and NP,s and all of them were telling my wife about surgery as best option for my treatment.
My first thought was to do brachytherapy but after consulting RO I was not candidate because of TURP and 4+3 so it should be RT combined with ADT which I did not like. At that time I made decision to do NOTHING and enjoy life as nothing was going on.
My wife and my daughters were very worried about my choice and we had couple of talks and discussions that were ending in tears.
After some time, I called my urologist and scheduled surgery to cut crying situation in the house and I did that against myself. Reason for avoiding surgery was SE especially incontinece and ED that are inevitable after surgery.
Ever after surgery my disappointment is biger and biger day after day. First week after surgery was extremely painful, my recovery so far is very bumpy, still incontinent with some improvement, 100% impotent and still do not have any feeling in my penis and genital area. I do not even feel painful pinching. I do not have penis any more, totaly retracted in my body. Started taking Cialis 3 weeks ago with no response and penis is not showing out at all. My wife and I tried penis stimulation but no feeling and no orgasm so far 3 months after surgery. Before surgery never had problem and never took any ED meds.
I am constantly asking why did I do it to myself? Why? I was well informed.
I am disappointed and physically and mentally destroyed.
What QOL do I have now after surgery.
I can not forgive it to my self.
MK

I did lot of work to understand my options before deciding on surgery. I believe I made the right decision for me. I just wanted it out, and didn't want the radiation if I could avoid it.

I might be at the beginning of a recurrence, although it's way too early to tell. When I allow myself to think about the possibility tht it is a recurrence, I have to admit that I sometimes find my mind wandering a bit to the "what if I had done x" question.

But there's no point in regretting anything, whether the outcome is positive if not. I take comfort in knowing I made the best decision for ME at the time. I wouldn't change my d4cision for anything, if I had to do it over again.

The regret I have was not forcing my original doctor to do my PSA tests every year. I had ...what was not known at the time... to be slightly elevated PSA levels, in the low two's. My doctor felt it was nothing to worry about and chose the option to not run PSA tests every year. Technically it was my choice but I followed his lead. Well he moved away and my new doctor said "oh you haven't had a PSA test in a while", let's run one. Several months later I was having surgery with a PSA of 5.0. I believe surgery was right for me at the time I had it . If I had been diagnosed a couple years earlier as I believe I should've been, I think radiation might've been an option I would've considered.