Severe Depression Following Radical Prostatectomy

Welcome to HW, sorry you need to be here.

Depress post treatment is a common problem. Lots of alcohol won't help. you need to get some help for you - you should talk to some kind of mental health professional and find out how to help someone in depression. You could encourage your husband seek professional help for the depression. It's a real clinical problem that there is lots of help for.

Andrew

amen to that F8, I'd like to have a couple shots with him and tell him whasup?? I'll stop because I get livid…...

Ninersfan, for your sake and and your son's, take no crap, period.

I think the support group is a great idea. I've been going to an US Too group once per month.

I have a history with depression, but the use of supplemental testosterone had resolved all of those issues. When I got my diagnosis, I was immediately taken off of testosterone. I expected the depression to return quickly and with full force, given what was going on. But it didn't. I think I was so busy trying to deal with what was happening that I stayed focused through that.

But, about the time the catheter came out after my surgery and I started heading back to work, it did hit me. I don't want to go back on meds, to be honest. If I have no measurable PSA at 3 and 6 months, I'll be allowed to go back to testosterone supplements, which should resolve the depression. But, if my PSA isn't at zero, I'll probably opt to go back to anti-depressants for a while, to see if that helps.

I think that the diagnosis through primary treatment is a whirlwind and you get focused on that. And then, it's over, you are healing, the world needs you to be yourself, and you are far from fully healed. Your manhood is threatened by ED and incontinence and the threat of a shrinking member (assuming surgery). You know an orgasm will never be the same. Your body is still weak and trying to heal. And the world expects you to return to your former roles, often before you feel ready.

It's difficult. Or at least, it's been difficult for me so far. I'm 7 weeks out from surgery and the last 5-6 weeks have been tough. But, I'm exercising, working, and trying to live as normal a life as possible. But, I still have bad days. When I do, I'm honest with my wife about how I'm feeling, and I'll sometimes just retreat to the bedroom to read. And yeah, I'll have a cocktail or two to take the edge off of it all. Maybe not the best solution, but it helps short term.

So, no one should tolerate abusive treatment from others. I try hard not to be mean towards anyone. I certainly vent at times, but I try to not direct it at anyone. Or, if I'm unhappy with someone, I can vent to my wife about it, and not to the other people. Sometimes I just need to vent and then I need a little space for a while.

Best of luck. I'm certainly hoping that my mental state continues to improve as my body continues to heal. And, if I can't return to using the testosterone, I'll return to using an anti-depressant. Not my first choice, but I need to be able to function at work and at home.

Niners Fan-

It is very important that you read this post carefully.

Some men who have prostate surgery develop a condition called Peyronie's disease. It is an unexplained scar formation in the penis, which causes unusual curvature and shrinkage. This sounds exactly like what your husband is experiencing based on your description. This condition can make erections painful and intercourse nearly impossible (depending on the amount of curvature). As you can imagine, this can take a toll on a man's ego and lead to emotional stress.

Most urologists have little experience (or none at all) diagnosing and treating Peyronie's. It is very important that your husband get treatment from a doctor who knows how to handle this condition. The two best Peyronie's doctors in the world are Dr. John Mulhall in New York City and Dr. Laurence Levine in Chicago. If you can't see one of them, then should should see a doctor recommended by the Peyronie's Association. (Dr. Mulhall and Dr. Levine are on the board of the Peyronie's Association and are involved in the creation of that list.)

Two more suggestions:
1. Read the Peyronie's Association website. There is a forum there and lots of good advice.
2. Order Dr. Levine's book on Peyronie's Disease: /www.addicusbooks.com//show_title.cfm?isbn=9781886039858. It is the only book written for patients to understand the disease and treatment options.

Feel free to contact me directly by email by clicking on the envelope icon to the left. I'll help you and your husband in any way I can.

-Gedman

Niners Fan,

You can asked anyone here what their priorities were in curing prostate cancer. And the vast majority said to be disease free, to be continent and usually the very last is to enjoy sex, in that order.

He has so much to be thankful for! As you said he is continent, he has his health, and a loving and kind wife and family. All of which is a blessing. Many men here are worst off and would love to be in his shoes.

Your husband need to get a grip on his life, and seek additional help.

Thank you all for the caring and encouraging words. I respect each and every comment. Last night was rough dealing with the meanness and then hearing that he is very unhappy and angry with his life. Tonight I came home and he tells me the doctor's are increasing his prescription of Viagra and he is going to see a mental health professional. Maybe it pays off to continually remind him of all the positives he has in his life. How fortunate he is to still have pleasure, continence, and good health. Not to mention a loving family to support him. Please know that I will pray for each and every one of you as you journey down your own path of recovery. I feel very blessed to have found this forum and all of you. Thank you, thank you. :)

Niners fan -- that's good news! i've created a new thread about a New York editor who blogged about his prostate cancer. check it out if you get the chance, and see if you can get your husband to read it. take care.

ed

Gedman, thanks. I was so excited that he was in a better mood I forgot about Peyronie's. I sent him the link and am going to talk to him about it.

Ed, where do I find the thread. New to this forum thing.

Niners fan

Niners fan,
Glad to hear he's going to get some help. A very big part of the healing process is mental and affects us all differently. This PC is very difficult on a man's emotions and mental processes and sometimes requires a professional to get it fixed up.

and just to agree with others on this thread - sometimes the best help a man needs is a swift kick in the rear.

Hang in there, someday this will all just be a bad memory.
Andrew

I hate to be a voice of dissent on this topic, but I've seen too many phrases here that disturb me to an extent. Things about "manning up", "swift kick in the rear", "no room for negativity", "attitude of gratitude", "tough love", etc. I don't discount all of these ideas out of hand, but...

If someone is truly clinically depressed, you can no sooner tell that person to "snap out of it" and expect results than we can expect to will our cancer away. Perhaps depression is over-diagnosed. I'm guessing that most people think that's true. But true depression is not something that you can just will away. It's something that needs to be treated by a mental health professional - through therapy or medication or both.

And for people who have never been there, I think it's too easy to view depression as some sort of weakness or moral failing, when it's simply not that at all.

I am glad the OP's husband is getting some help, but I wish there would be a little more compassion here for someone who might be dealing with a serious ailment (beyond PCa). I agree that no one should be lashing out at others or being hurtful. But, it's an insidious disease that takes you to places you don't want to go. Regretfully, I know this firsthand and I watched my mother lose her overall health and life to a losing battle with depression.

DMLVT -- you act as if we know nothing about PC or depression!

many of us suffered/suffer from depression because of this disease. the answer is not to get drunk and abuse the people who love you and are trying to help you. you do that to me and you'll quickly be on your own.

i took anti-depressants and got a therapist for the first time in my life while being treated for prostate cancer. my wife suffers from clinical depression at times and we are both recovering addicts/alcoholics. been doing this a long time too. coddling someone often has the reverse affect, not to mention what it does to you.

ed