Severe Depression Following Radical Prostatectomy

Well said F8!

You and I have been there before. I also have had depression, had therapy and used anti-depressants for a couple of years. Mix in alcohol and it doesn't make for a happy person. In fact I used to wash down anti-depressants with booze!

If Niners Fan's husband has depression, yes he needs help but she also does not have to tolerate "meanness" and "anger" because he is drinking alcohol and is on his pity pot.

She has to set her own boundaries of what she will put up with unless or until he seeks help.

Bill from Florida

I agree with everybody. Carrot and the stick. But since she reports that her husband has taken exactly the first steps we were all recommending, it is time for more carrot now and less stick.

And a whole lot less cowbell.

Nothing to see here. Move along.

Niners Fan:

Now that you've seen the sort of help we can dish out here, do let us know if you need any more of it.

Keep us posted. He's lucky to have you. Apparently he realizes that. Good luck.

there's a huge difference between clinical depression and situational depression. the OP did not say her husband was clinically depressed and gave me the impression that his depression was brought on by prostate cancer and its side effects, self pity and booze..

everyone on this forum has gone through their own hell with prostate cancer, and that includes the wives and families of the afflicted.

we're not responsible for our disease but we are responsible for our recovery. I don't suffer self-appointed victims for too long. get help. there's plenty out there.

ed

Kick the wife and kids, just don't kick the dog. there is a fine line of truth on both sides of the issue. But the line I draw is when you hurt someone else as if depression was some kind of " license to kill "
Depression is self hate, so try to keep that hate confined to yourself. there are in fact many clinically depressed folks who 'suck it up" To keep the thread on track. there is no evidence in the posters thread that speaks to " clinical depression" in her husband. There is,however from the posters words, evidence that he is abusive, at least emotionally to his family. that is not depression that is evil.{ evil is not just slitting throats, its also laughing at a fat girl and being the straw that….} Lets not confuse the two. the man don't like what has happened and is taking it out on his family. That in it self could make a man depressed{self hate} towards himself. {the taking it out on his family part}. The issue is certainly not going to be solved on this forum, I'll tell you that. I think dmivt took a thread that had the word depression in it and expanded it way out out proportion to the facts. I think this was due to his self experienced knowledge of the issue, {his issue} not the posters. I have changed my mind on one thing, I think there is at least a 50/50 mix of evidence of knowledge vs evidence of "fame" in his posts. I probably have the same mix, but am aware of it and working on it. Now He may also be aware of it for himself. I pick my battles and abandon the field when I sense truth will be the first casualty. I abandon the field now. My senses are keen, not perfect, but honed pretty sharp. I would apologise now for the way this will be received…, but "Apologize, apologize, pull out their eyes, pull out their eyes. James Joyce, "Portrait of the artist as a young man"

If I disappeared every time I offended anyone here or in life in general I would be the invisible man. Continue to speak your mind dmivt, this is a forum and thats what it should allow. I do and tho I do disappear now and then it is usually for RnR, not a self exile. Hmmm? Ahh to be able to exile ones self from one's self would indeed be a delight…...

Man you mean someone beat me to that. Ok Its not plagiarism, if you did't know. I thought it was an original. Darn PeterD, Now I'll be wondering who else is stealing my stuff before the fact!!

Clinical depression is not the same as feeling gloomy.
You can no more deal with real depression by telling someone to "buck up" etc than you can cure an infection by telling smeone to "get better".

However sometimes you can just be stressed out, having a bad day etc. And one massive benefit I have found about coming to HW is that you learn that you are not the only one with the problem that you have encountered, and that there are solutions. That said I also like the fact that the hospital where I was treated also look after the six inches betweeen your ears as well as the inches between your legs. At check up they are always asking about how I am feeling etc as well as how my body is functioning, and you get told about the phyc help and sex therapists etc that are available before they even start treating you.

The following "story" someone here posted is an interesting way of looking at the whole concept of facing a problem and how you deal with it:

"A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.” Remember to put the glass down.

Take care
Alf

Good luck Niner Fan! Sounds like a plan in the works.
Be sure that his doctor is aware of his drinking issues.

Just remember "To Thine own self be true".

Bill from Florida

Ed,
Sorry for your relapse. Glad for you it wasn't long enough to do too much damage.

Hopefully I will be celebrating my 25th Sober birthday in May, 6 days after I celebrate my 2nd anniversary of my DX.

I guess that is why we both jumped on the brother who was drinking so quickly.

Bill from Florida