An Open Letter to Prostate Cancer

Dear Mr Prostate Cancer,

I am assuming your are a MR. as you intentionally target the male ones of us. Mr Prostate Cancer YOU and YOU alone have changed not only my world, but myself as a whole a little over a year ago. I was young, just gone 22, happy, healthy, fun, adventurous, in love. My families world seemed to be a happy and loving friend filled affair, full of weddings, engagement news and a pregnancy announcement. Life was good, and I knew it. And then you made our happiness, our care-free lives shift focus, you made the sun move behind a cloud, the tides to change, the world as I knew it stop turning.

Have you ever had prostate cancer?
Do you know what is like?
Do you know if and how it hurts?
Do you know what it is like to know your dad is sick, and not know whether he will be get better or worse?
Do you know what it is like to live results to results?
Do you know what it is like to hug your dad, and feel his bones and know thats where your are, that all there is between me and you is layers of skin and force field of love and I can't do a thing about it?
Do you know what it is like to do things that seem normal like sit on the couch and watch t.v. with your family, and notice your mum constantly look to your dad and know she is wondering how many more nights we will be blessed to do this?
Do you know what it is like to wonder if your dad will be there to walk you down the aisle? Or wonder if he isn't there what that will mean?
Do you know what it is like to wonder if your dad will see you graduate university?
Do you know what it is like to hear your dad say all he wants is for your 1 year old niece to remember him, his voice, his touch, his cuddles?
Do you know what it is like to cry, in the shower, in the car, at night in bed, wondering what will happen if he isn't here? What will happen to my sisters, my mother?
Do you know what it is like to hear the fears of you mum and not cry in front of her because you need to have courage and you need to be brave?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT ANY OF THIS IS LIKE?


Pain and hurt of the diagnosis and prognosis is daily, fear of the future is constant, but love, determination and strength of the now and forever is present and its powerful. You may have changed my heart, who I am and who I will forever be, but you will NOT win. This is not race, it is a marathon, we are well equipped, we are well supported and we will NOT give up.

Finally, just a BIG middle finger and f@%k you Mr. Prostate Cancer. You are not welcome anymore.

Alice

Hi quincy17,

I have my stages. I have accepted my dad's diagnosis, I don't really have another choice. Anger is something I believe hows it's ugly head time to time in dealing with something such as prostate cancer, and I have taken much joy in reading everyone's positivity and well wishes and helpful posts here. My father was diagnosed in May 2013, stage iv, PSA around 79 with bone mets. Since then PSA has fallen with hormone treatment until December 2013 when it started rising. Continuous PSA rise (almost double each test). 5 or 6 chemotherapy treatments followed, Taxtore. Still PSA rise to 1300, put on Zytiga, 1 and a half months in and PSA has fallen 100 points. He is also following a a plan of some natural medicine techniques. Overall in good spirits, active and happy.

Alice, that was a very creative way to express your feelings. Good for you and keep on keeping on.
Blessings
Michael

Alice,

Acceptance is overrated.

And in any case, it is premature with your dad's cancer right now. It sounds like anger is working pretty well for you. Just keep it directed.

One direction you might try is to look into clinical trials that your dad might be able to participate in. There are some pretty exciting drugs in the pipeline. They may or may not be able to help your dad with his battle but the results of those trials can help us all in the war against prostate cancer.

We have some members here who keep up with the latest trials. Maybe they will be able to suggest something.

Very well written, and understood by anyone here.

Grief turns to anger, anger turns to acceptance, acceptance leads to peace.

That's how its suppose to work, but everyone is different, reacts differently.

Peace to you and your father. As a man with advanced PC, father of 3, grandfather of 2, I understand your sentiments.

David

Hi Alice.

I understand your feelings of frustration/anger completely. 12 years ago cancer took my dear wife from me and I had the same thoughts and feelings as you are having right now. Just 6 months prior to that I lost my son in a freak accident. Then 3 months after I lost my wife I lost my mother. 3 months after that I lost my only grandchild just 3 weeks before her fifth birthday! She had a massive blood clot on the brain and to this day the specialists still cant say why. So in just 12 months virtually my entire family were taken from me. I would see a guy walking hand in hand down the street with his wife and get really angry/jealous because of what he had and I didn’t. The same thing when I saw a grandfather walking his little granddaughter to the shops to buy her sweets or a toy, something I would never be able to do again. 12 years on I still have some very “Dark” days, but the anger and jealousy has subsided somewhat. Hell..........I am not sure why I am telling you all this, I spose I am just trying to let you know that I genuinely know how you are feeling right now and that my thoughts are with you and your family.

On a more positive note. My wife had a brain tumour and it took her from me in just 3 months from diagnosis. With PC that is not normally the case, just take a look at the stats in some of the members signatures. 10 years and more and still going strong. PC is very slow growing and in a lot of cases men will live a perfectly normal life span completely unaware they even have it! I only found out I may have a problem during a routine check up, as the blood test showed a raised PSA (4.2 then 5.1 and in the last three months it has shot to 19) So yes, I am pretty worried right now while I await further tests. But after reading some of the posts here and talking to other members it has given me hope should things turn in the wrong direction for me. Unlike other cancers PC responds very well to the modern treatments that are available today, even in the case of bone mets, so try and keep a positive outlook. I am sure that you will find all the help and advice you are looking for right here should you want/require it.

If I was your father, what I would want right now is for you to remain strong and clear headed, because your anger and worry would only make me feel worse about the situation............I could go on, but I think my own situation is getting the better of me at the moment, so now is probably not a good time for me to be handing out advice, but your post struck an emotional cord for me and I felt I had to say something.

Keep strong, for your father and mothers sake, and remember there is hope with all the good treatments available.

All the best for the future.

Casper555