The ten words that kept me awake...

I often josh you guys about your nervousness but to be fair I am not altogether immune to it myself.

Five weeks from yesterday I am going back under the knife to try to fix some of the problems caused and/or compounded by my various prostate cancer treatments. I will be having a triple surgery with two surgeons operating in a tag-team bout in a single operating theater. I will receive an artificial urinary sphincter, a three-piece inflatable penile prosthesis and will have my incisional/umbilical hernia fixed.

I am not particularly squeamish and have watched the AUS/IPP combo surgery on YouTube.

But, because you have to allow extra time to find openings in the calendars of two busy surgeons at the same time, its been a long time between the decision to pull the trigger and the actual event. (I sat down with my urologists scheduler in November and the surgery is in March.) This has given me extra time to read about the procedure. Maybe too much time.

This morning, when I returned to bed after my 5:00 am pee, two hours before my alarm was set, I was unable to get back to sleep because of a sentence fragment that was stuck in my brain. It was from one of the descriptions of the AUS/PPI surgery. It was the last ten words in the description of the kinds of retractors that would be used during the surgery, at least by the surgeon who wrote it.

... and a sharp hook to keep the penis on stretch.

All right then. I'll bet the guys among you just squirmed a bit in your seats and maybe crossed your legs.

I'm not sure why, with all the cutting, and the "blunt dissections" with the surgeons fingers, it is the image of Mr Unreliable, gaffed and laid out like a prize winning trout being photographed for the local paper, that so commands the imagination. But it kept me awake for an hour and a half this morning when I should have been asleep.

Looking for a happier mental image, I tried to mull over the "ten minute timed scrub" that starts the description of the procedure. Under the right circumstances... hmmm... I tried to imagine a cute OR nurse... or at least a female one... But... no go.

I've been off of androgen deprivation now for six months but my testosterone still hasn't recovered enough to give that image the necessary oomph to drive out the other. So, for my lack of sleep today, as with so many other things, even after six months...

I blame the Lupron.

Peter, I can empathise and relate! In retrospect I maybe shouldn't have delved so deeply into the Orchiectomy procedure, pretty personal and graphic! Best of luck!!

Cheers, Doug

Oh man! So many things at once!!! Why don't you get your wisdom teeth pulled while you're at it?

More than a few of us will be anxiously watching your progress.
Photos of the prize winning trout are not necessary.

Good luck,
Jeff

Peter,
Now, I am pretty sure that I am the one guy whom you do not look to for advice on calming your nerves
But I'll comment anyway. If you've made up your mind to do this, and you have confidence that the short term issues will be worth dealing with for the IMPROVED QUALITY OF LIFE, then don't read so much. (Pot, meet kettle)

OMG!! We are going to have the bionic man as moderator!!

Seriously though Peter that sure is a truck load of stuff to have done all in one go and cant even begin to imagine how you are managing to keep yourself calm with all this just around the corner. I thought that what I just had done was bad enough.......Not sure what else to say, because I had no idea all this was going on in the back office.

The very best to you Peter.

NKinney said...
The good news is that most of us don't remember our circumcision, either.

Dear lord. Are you having that done also Peter?

There wont be much of the "real you" left by the sound of things!

Casper,

That part of the real me is 62 years gone.

LOL! Music and sounds seem to be extraordinarily important for your sexual enjoyment - I didn't know that was a fetish. I'm sure there's an internet group for your kind. I hope AMS is giving you a package discount.

PeterDisAbelard. said...
Casper,

That part of the real me is 62 years gone.

Yup. And sadly when you had no say in the matter

Yes there are some freebies from AMS for the 1500! The all important tattoos. They pay a tattoo artist to be a tag team member to apply "come" and "go" reminders.
Allen, stop talking about the hooks! poor peter is trying to think of nurses or the like.
Peter, on instead of those hooks, think about the first inflation they do before they close you up, oh, to be a fly on the wall, and imagine what those nurses are saying.

Lasso. Sharp hooks! .............Looks like we are going to need a bigger boat "JAWS 1975"

LoL Nice one Peter. I had best get you a puncture repair outfit for you birthday then.

Pratoman said...
The visuals in this thread are really starting to get to me. Thanks Caspar LOL

Arnt you glad it is not you we are talking about LoL. I think you would rather a good book than a sharp hook. Ouch! it hurts just thinking about it