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Posted 3/28/2015 5:12 AM (GMT 0)
I had a phone conversation with a friend the other day. I said I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't post here very often anymore. I blogged today for the first time in 6 weeks. I feel like I have nothing to add to the conversation whenever I read posts by y'all. I am coming up on my nine year anniversary since learning about my diagnosis and I guess this is just the new normal. It's not what I would like but it is what it is. Vacation is a week away. I hope it brings new life into me.
Todd
Posted 3/28/2015 5:17 AM (GMT 0)
Trust me, Todd, your experiences are always relevant and important here. How often you are here, is secondary to your value always. Enjoy that vacation.

David
Posted 3/28/2015 5:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Todd,
Certainly what you have written in ur blog gives "hope" to higher risk member like me.
Enjoy ur well deserve vacation..
All the best.
Posted 3/28/2015 1:25 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for posting Todd. You had some nasty numbers nine years ago. All I can say is that you're an inspiration to me and sure others on here will feel the same. My scans were clear but I'm not fooling myself, my PSA score makes me high risk so I don't know what future will bring. You're post gives me hope. Can you tell me what it was like to be on ADT for 5 1/2 years? I will be on it for 2 to 3 years starting in April and I'm not looking forward to it.

Tom
Posted 3/28/2015 1:48 PM (GMT 0)
Todd, although we don't know each other I've always felt like you are one of the guys that make up the heart and soul of our world. You were thrown a very bad hand, have had some very unique experiences and you've been generous to open yourself up and share all of that. No one could ever ask for anything more from you.

I certainly hope you don't feel any pressure to post! If all you do is pop in from time to time, that will make our day for a lot of us.
Posted 3/28/2015 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
Todd, I think that for a lot of us we have peaks and valleys when it comes to posting. We use to have a Columnist in Georgia by the name of Lewis Grizzard, who also was an author. I am always reminded of that line he wrote about writing a daily column. He said writing a daily column was like being married to a nymphomaniac, at first it is so much fun, but after awhile you were about keeping up with her. Have a great vacation.
Michael
Posted 3/28/2015 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
Todd, I'll echo what Michael said.
You've given a lot to us new guys already, and it's fine if you just pop in and say hello from time to time. Your existing posts are a legacy that keeps on giving no matter how far in the past they were put up

I obviously can't compare my situation to yours. but I can tell you , that very often, when I get down, I think of your story, and realize that like you, there is no doubt I've got a lot of years ahead of me no matter what happens with my dumb*ss PSA or anything else

Thanks for everything.
Posted 3/28/2015 2:00 PM (GMT 0)
I was so glad to see your blog post in my email this morning. After reading it, I showed it to my husband. He said "Todd has described so well what I know to be true". Then a long talk between us followed. They say timing is everything and that is so very true! I want to thank you so much for listening to your heart and sharing that with us today.

May the road rise up to meet you,
Susan

_____________________________________________________
2005 Diagnosed at 63 yo Gleason 4+3
2006 LRP First PSA 11.8 Stage IV Start Lupron
2010-2014 Casodex, Provenge, Nilandron, Zytiga, Orchiectomy, Xtandi.
PSA cont rise. Spot on spine & enlarged lymph nodes.
2014 Xgeva & Taxotare
10/31/2014 Last Taxotare due to SE’s PSA was 14.82 now 1.3
2/27/15 PSA 10.48
3/20/15 PSA 13.68 Multiple lesions found in liver
3/27/15 Start Jevtana w prednisone, Neulasta shot 24 hrs after chemo
Posted 3/28/2015 4:05 PM (GMT 0)
Todd -

Now listen very carefully: you have a first-rate writing style and you write a first-rate blog. You have inspired many, many here on this forum, some passing through and lots of us who are here for the long haul. Your story is a model for how to keep beating this beast, bat it down, and press your foot on its neck and keep it there. Your influence here is much, much greater than you may realize.

It's perfectly natural to run into writer's block now and then, whatever the medium, and that includes online posting. Everybody runs into it once in a while. As I approach 1200 posts myself, there have been times when I start to think that maybe I've said all I had to say here. But then I read something somewhere on the web that strikes me as worth submitting here, or I see a new thread here that inspires me to post a reply, and, just like that, I'm typing away and posting here again.

The other thing that is essential for you to keep in mind is that, while the value of something you say here may not at the time seem all that significant to you, to others here it can be very significant, and inspirational, and important.

Quantity of posting and regularity of posting are not important here. Don't worry about that. Just give yourself time and the ideas will come.
Posted 3/28/2015 6:55 PM (GMT 0)
Todd, can relate to what you're saying. I still read daily, and post fairly frequently (but a lot less than I did in the early years after my surgery).

My surgery was way back in August of 2010, and prostate cancer isn't a big piece of my life these days....although a bad PSA number next month could change that, of course. But, so far it's been zeroes and I'm feeling good, and when I come to HW I see a whole lot of new guys offering sage advice and sharing their more recent experiences, and there's really nothing I can add.

The main reason that I continue to post is to show newcomers that there IS life after treatment, and that for the majority of men it's a very good life. It's clear to anyone who frequents this site that, unfortunately, not everyone has a good outcome, but I think it's important that HW isn't skewed too severely toward the good or toward the not so good outcomes.

Your success against rather poor odds is one that I hope you'll continue to share. It's inspiring, it's encouraging, and it's motivating. Thanks for all you've shared and continue to share with the HW community.
Posted 3/28/2015 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
Todd, after reading your blog post dated yesterday, I've come to realize that your not posting much here lately is actually a good thing. Congratulations.
Posted 3/28/2015 7:13 PM (GMT 0)
Todd, you are where you should be!

Cheers, Doug
Posted 3/28/2015 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
Many thanks for all the replies. I am okay. It's not that I feel as though I don't belong here anymore, I just feel as though I have nothing to say of value. I use to get so ticked off at the G-6 guys who were cured. They be sitting around talking about pee pads and the fact that their junk was a half inch shorter. I use to say to myself O.M.G. I am really sick and these guys are worried about getting wood.
I feel like that is where I am. I am in a good place at the moment and many others are not.the only thing I can say is look at me.... There is hope.... What happens when they don't do as well as I have. Idk. Maybe Inam just stupid
Posted 3/28/2015 11:32 PM (GMT 0)
Boy, can I relate to you Buddy!!

Cheers, Doug
Posted 3/29/2015 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
Todd,
Love reading your blogs.

You've got a powerful story. It needs to be told more often.

Hang in there,
Andrew
Posted 3/29/2015 12:36 AM (GMT 0)
Well,hell,you have to at least stop by and prove you are still doing OK. Simply that is inspirational in itself
Posted 3/29/2015 1:56 AM (GMT 0)
Todd, as they say in hawaii, with a shoulder shrug, , if can , can! If no can , no can! No worries!
Posted 3/29/2015 5:08 AM (GMT 0)
Logo.... I hope I hear that while in Poipu for 10 days beginning next Friday. I like it. Many comments touched my heart tonight. Thank you.
Posted 3/29/2015 6:33 AM (GMT 0)
I loved the reference to Lewis Grizzard. I was living in Atlanta in his prime, and went to many events.
He wrote an article about one of my sailing mishaps that shall forever shame me, but forever teach the newbies.
Memories are fading, but we met more than once, and they were all fun times. Last edit - FUN times!

Todd,
I'm seeing my current phase as "just effing burned out". My latest meds stopped working after 2 months, and the docs are searching for the next thing to try.
I have turned seriously into the "bad cop" moderator. I leave the daily stuff to Tud & PDA, but hate to just give up.
I have to give up work, as the Lupron has made me a useless albatross in my job, so I'm planning a social security bailout soon.

I regret not having made it to NOLA to meet you for the cruise (I would never have done the shipboard part).

All that said, "Hang in there!". Come to a GFMPH. I know the scotch is not a treat, but I'm bringing cigars that will ring your bells.

It is simple. We are here because we are not yet gone. I have concluded that Sonny is wrong. Every day is not a bonus (by default). We have to reach out and make something of the day presented to us. It can be as little as feeding the neighbor's cat, but we counted that day.

Do something that counts today. Does not have to be on HW, There are no obligations here beyond not breaking the rules.
Posted 3/29/2015 10:54 AM (GMT 0)
Todd,

One of the main things that is inspiring about your story is that you have managed to take your serious, incurable disease and beat it back to the point where it is no longer the central fact of your life. It is, as I said, an inspiring story and one that needs to be told but if you spent all your time telling it then it wouldn't be true.

We'll look forward to hearing about Hawaii.
Posted 3/29/2015 11:10 AM (GMT 0)
Wow.

I could not sleep. Too much on my mind. So I read this thread and associated blog. It helped to read the words of some really strong guys.

142's words, "Reach out and make something happen", really struck home. Time to get off my butt.

Thanks.
Posted 3/30/2015 12:36 AM (GMT 0)
It's cliche, but carpe diem. Every day we're here is a miracle. Simply, the human experience is unparalleled for all of its beauty and even its horror. To sleep, wake, work, socialize, eat, drink, party, enjoy a sunrise, enjoy a symphony, the simple chatter of birds, the rustle of wind in trees, the bracing cold, the warmth of summer sun, on, and on, and on.

To honor this existence, we should do something with the minutes we have. None know the minutes left on our clock, but it will run out. Influence the world, your world, your unique corner of this universe we inhabit.

Cancer is part of our lives, but need not be our lives if we can somehow move past it. I've been on this forum much less lately myself, since things have settled into a simple 4-month rhythm with no intervening issues. Other interests have been reasserting themselves, and some new ones. So I agree, moving on seems healthy, though I monitor the forum at least irregularly watching for guys with their hair on fire and maybe help them as I was helped here.

Todd, your story is a continuing inspiration. You may or may not realize how significant you are as an example that all is not hopeless even with a dire diagnosis. Get on with your life, post when you're moved to do so, you're living a life and years you may have only dreamed of 9 years back. Live that dream!

Jerry
Posted 3/30/2015 3:03 AM (GMT 0)
Todd,

Thanks for checking in. If only to say, "Hey".... it means more than you know to a bunch of people...

JL
Posted 3/30/2015 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
Enjoy Todd, you will love it. While there you will probably be approached at the hotel to invest an hour of your time to list to a time share pitch. In exchange they usually give a pretty good gift, such as a complete dinner for 2 at a nice hotel restaurant. Do not buy a timeshare….. We stayed for the hour, guy tried to keep me longer, I was polite but insisted on my gift certificate right then. He was not happy, but then again I would not be happy if I stayed longer. Make someone happy is a great song, but I already have. My spouse.
Posted 3/31/2015 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
Todd, that blog post spoke to me. Thanks, and enjoy the islands.

Explorer
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