HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Dealing with other people's problem?

Support Forums
>
Prostate Cancer
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 4/1/2015 2:43 PM (GMT 0)
I know this might sound a bit strange in a way, but I notice that other people around me have far more of a problem with me having prostate cancer than I do. I'm getting a little fed up of well meaning advice from family and friends as to how I should treat it. I know that they love and care for me, but to hear from the wife that I should be following a certain diet or going to the gym more or......is doing my head in. Waiting to see the consultant next week to talk over plans for surgery, but just thought I'd get this rant off my chest. On a serious point, do any of you find that other people's perceptions or attitudes towards your cancer get you down (I'm generally a really positive person full of faith and life) :-) or is it me just having a bad hair day?
Posted 4/1/2015 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
My best answer is that hardly anyone, including close relatives, has ever wanted to be part of any conversation regarding my prostate cancer. They don't ask questions and they just don't have much to say if the topic comes up. My wife is the exception, and I am forever grateful for her involvement from day one. She has been a source of medical advice, a partner in decision making, and even a shoulder to cry on in the early days.

On the other hand, a number of guys, including one with whom I'll be having breakfast tomorrow, have sought me out to get my perspective on their situation and to share thoughts on what might be their best course of action. I enjoy the opportunity to try to be helpful to guys who are newly diagnosed.
Posted 4/1/2015 2:54 PM (GMT 0)
I hear you, but I finally just decided that it was their way of trying to help and that it was better for them to be concerned than to not care at all. Nod your head and thank them and move on. This too shall pass. Good luck!

Tom
Posted 4/1/2015 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
Yup, I've noticed that. It can be a pain. Try to ignore them - they don't know what you're going through and are likely misinformed on all things PC.

However, do listen to their intent - they are concerned and want to be helpful. When I was trying to figure out my treatment plan, I told no one other than my closest family what was happening. Later when others found our (or I told them), I'd get those wacky reactions. Mostly I just follow a friend's advice, "Smile till it hurts," knowing that they are just expressing their concern. I never responded to their suggestions with much more than, "thanks for the suggestion," or, "I'll mention it to my doctors." Then forget it and move on.

I had a weird one a couple of weeks ago. I read one of my PC poems at a poetry open mic reading and one of the people there came up to me afterwards and started on a rant how 'big medical' was suppressing the real cure for cancer which is all natural remedies and if I wanted to be cured I should look it up. She seemed very sincere and quite on another planet. I just said, "I'll check it out," smiled and started talking to someone else.

Andrew
Posted 4/1/2015 3:34 PM (GMT 0)
As has just been posted, most people actually mean well with their comments, but wind up making unpleasant comments out of ignorance rather than malice.

There's a good, all-purpose comeback line for these situations that I once heard, one that can be applied without offending the other person.

When the person learns of your Dx and then starts talking about Aunt Clara's cancer and how beautiful the funeral was, interrupt and simply say: "Wait a minute. Does this story have a happy ending? If it does, I want to hear it. If it doesn't, I'll pass, because I want to focus on the positive right now."

Upon hearing that, hopefully the person will get the message.
Posted 4/1/2015 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
When I said to family and close friends that I had been diagnosed with prostate cancer, they all appeared sympathetic, and asked what was going to be done about it. When I told them that it was low-risk, and I had been advised not to do anything about it (at least now), I was surprised at how they all shook their heads in agreement.

Apparently, there have been a lot of articles published everywhere about "overtreatment", and they all seemed aware of the feasibility of active surveillance. That took the pressure off of my trying to explain why prostate cancer could be different than other common cancers.
Posted 4/1/2015 4:05 PM (GMT 0)
I don't get anything like that any more. I did the first year post op tho. As far as family telling you what you should do... they are probably right, but can understand that as I have a wife also, tee hee. With acquaintances and friends, I give it short shrift…they get it…on reflection…they own it and respect you for it.
Posted 4/1/2015 4:29 PM (GMT 0)
They are likely concerned and just trying to be helpful/supportive. Don't let it get to you. I'd smile, thank them, and take care of yourself the way YOU want.
Posted 4/1/2015 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
I don't find people telling me what to do, what to eat, how to treat, etc. I do find that when it comes up I have a sense with some/many that its uncomfortable for them. So I don't bring it up. I do get people asking me "how are you doing" a little more often than I'd like, but that seems to be subsiding as time goes on.
Posted 4/1/2015 10:47 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, you get enough advice on this forum, I would think.
Posted 4/1/2015 11:17 PM (GMT 0)
Sheepguy, change your handle to "Ramguy"! LOL

Cheers, Doug
Posted 4/2/2015 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
Opinionated people in general can get on my short side given enough of it.

Try telling those who care for you that you've decided to just watch it. That shuts 'em up..
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply