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Posted 4/3/2015 2:28 PM (GMT 0)

And old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured you get back $1,000."

 

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

 

So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.   This is what transpired.

 

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me?   Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."   Dr. Young:  “Aaagh ! This is Gasoline!"   Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

 

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

 

Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."   Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."   Dr. Young:  "Oh no you don't, that is Gasoline!"   Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

 

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

 

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak, I can hardly see.   Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so here's your $1000 back."   Dr. Young: "But this is only $500."   Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

 

Moral of story.   Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer " !

Posted 4/3/2015 2:45 PM (GMT 0)
Here are some of my favorite "geek" jokes:

Descartes went into a bar. The bartender asked if he'd like a beer. Descartes said, "I think not", and vanished in a puff of logic.

Q: Why do computer engineers get confused about Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because OCT 31=DEC 25

An infinite number of mathematicians went into a bar. The first ordered a beer. The second ordered 1/2 a beer. The third ordered 1/4 a beer. The fourth ordered 1/8 of a beer. At which point, the bartender said, "OK guys, you need to know your limits. Order 2 beers and be done with it"

Helium, Argon, and Neon went into a bar. The bartender said, "we don't serve your kind here". They did not react.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounced Unionized.

*rimshot
Posted 4/3/2015 3:04 PM (GMT 0)
Halbert:

Excellent!!!!!

Mel
Posted 4/3/2015 3:15 PM (GMT 0)
A salesman was having a bad sales month and thought about how to come up with a gimmick to improve sales. So he sets up a table on a busy street in New York. A pedestrian walks by and the salesman ask if she would like to try a cracker. She decided to try one, so the salesman spreads something on it and hands her the cracker. She takes a bite out of it and immediately spits it out. She looks at the salesman and says "that tasted like dog crap." The salesman replied that indeed it was dog crap and asked her if she would like to buy a new toothbrush.
Michael
Posted 4/3/2015 3:43 PM (GMT 0)
At the risk of revealing that I am completely lost in the world of geekdom (which I am), would someone please explain the OCT31=DEC25 joke to me?

Thank you!
Posted 4/3/2015 3:56 PM (GMT 0)
Ok, 81gygy:

OCT31=DEC25 is octal (base 8) 31 = decimal (base 10) 25 Which is how people with 8 fingers count.

25 is 2X10 + 5 in base 10 or 3X8 +1 in base 8.

For an entertaining look at this, google "tom lehrer-new math" from some years ago.

One more (I can't help myself): seen on the wall in many physics labs: Heisenberg may have slept here.
Posted 4/3/2015 4:15 PM (GMT 0)
JNF - reminds me of something I say in the office all the time, "Old age and treachery will over come youth and skill."

The kids don't get it and the grey beards just laugh...

Andrew
Posted 4/3/2015 4:17 PM (GMT 0)
halbert -

OK, now I get it, thanks. (Even getting it was a bit of an achievement for a Humanities guy like me).

These jokes would seem right at home on the TV comedy Big Bang Theory (a favorite of my geek sons and me).
Posted 4/3/2015 5:13 PM (GMT 0)
Sitting in a bar having drinks with a friend.... I casually pointed
to the two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said
"That's us in ten years."

He said "That's a mirror, you dipship."
Posted 4/3/2015 5:54 PM (GMT 0)
THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year. So we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was Bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations,' she said.

She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me. She couldn't overcome them anymore.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married. She said "Before you commit your life to my sister."

Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom. If you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
clapping! With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me.
He said, "Phil, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family my son."

And so, the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
Posted 4/3/2015 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
Halbert:

Tom Lehrer, New Math, had a great line:
Base 8? Base 8? Well, that's easy. It's just like Base 10... if you're missing two fingers!

Mel
Posted 4/3/2015 6:33 PM (GMT 0)
We could talk about Tom Lehrer all day...but we won't. Here is one of the better renditions of "new Math":

https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KLqINl3R5VOFsAnBosnIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTByZWc0dGJtBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDBGdwb3MDMQ--?p=tom+lehrer+new+math&vid=719ea620a7b84d40e549d771b290458c&l=4%3A23&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DVN.607993689748802824%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DUIKGV2cTgqA&tit=Tom+Lehrer+-+New+Math+%28Animated%29&c=0&sigr=11b8rtp20&sigt=1104aq6dj&sigi=11raffqpa&age=1278347279&fr2=p%3As%2Cv%3Av&hsimp=yhs-001&hspart=mozilla&tt=b
Posted 4/3/2015 7:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Halbert!

Are you talking to me?
Thanks!

Jeff
Posted 4/3/2015 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
Jeff, us geeks have to stick together.

have a great day.
Posted 4/3/2015 10:11 PM (GMT 0)
Three guests check into a hotel room. The clerk says the bill is $30, so each guest pays $10. Later the clerk realizes the bill should only be $25. To rectify this, he gives the bellhop $5 to return to the guests. On the way to the room, the bellhop realizes that he cannot divide the money equally. As the guests didn't know the total of the revised bill, the bellhop decides to just give each guest $1 and keep $2 as a tip for himself. Each guest got $1 back: so now each guest only paid $9; bringing the total paid to $27. The bellhop has $2. And $27 + $2 = $29 so, if the guests originally handed over $30, what happened to the remaining $1?


dont google cheat....
Posted 4/3/2015 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
There is no missing money. It is the way the problem is stated.

$25 for the room, $3 refunded and $2 stolen by the bellhop. This adds up to $30.

Sonny
Posted 4/4/2015 12:17 AM (GMT 0)
Where can you get a room with a bellhop for $30?
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