Head Meltdown today...

Paul65 said...
Dude, I'm 50, have been married 2 years, I'm terrified and telling me I don't have it as bad as you do flys in the face of all the helpful advice, compassion and encouragement I have received here. Yes I know I have it better than starving children in Africa too... But frankly this is not helpful mate... And I'm rarely unimpressed.

I'll assume you are having a bad day (as I was at that point) and hope that things look up. I realize that from where you are sitting having gone through all this, I may look pathetic, but I am where I am, on the ledge... In uncharted territory, lost, confused, bitter, frightened... depressed... You name it. Try and put yourself back there without the benefit of hindsight and consider How you made it through those dark early days, weeks and months?

What's the quote... "Be kind to everyone you meet, for they too are fighting a great battle".

Paul, back away from the ledge! Have you not believed my previous posts to you? Let me repeat: No surgery for you!(In voice of the soup N*zi from Seinfield) Even assuming you are actually going to need some kind of treatment, you absolutely will not be required to have surgery, no matter what the results of your biopsy! There are other treatments which will most likely give you at east as good of a chance of long term survival as surgery. Therefore, you don't have to have surgery!

So IF if it turns out you actually do need some kind of curative treatment, but you don't have to have surgery, then the odds are fairly high that you will not have any major sexual SEs, and if you have any at all they will appear years down the road. Even then, the odds are they won't be as severe as some of us surgery guys have (boy I wish some one had convinced me that I did not absolutely have to have surgery, or at least I wish I had listened better).

So do you see all of that good news there Brother? IF you actually need anything at all, you DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE SURGERY! Which means you (most likely) DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE MAJOR LONG LASTING/PERMANENT SEXUAL SEs! It's good news Bro! So back away from the ledge!

I am trying to be kind by convincing you of the good news that applies to you! It could have applied to me also, I wish I had encountered someone to beat me over the head with it. But I really have no excuse because I knew the above in my heart and did not listen to my heart or head. But you are not going to be able to say no one beat you over the head with these facts because I am doing so!

Now if you are one of those folks that just have to have it cut out of you, and you could never relax otherwise, then there is not much I can do to help you. You pays your money and you takes your chances. But, unlike me, some do end up lucky in the surgery/sex roulette, so even then all is not lost.

IF you are in the unlucky group that not only has PC but has a real bad Bx report that requires not only RT but HT(or even HT only I suppose) then you may have some issues coming up. But you don't know that yet, and that odds are you are NOT in that group. And even if you end up needing some HT, you might can get off of it later and you might can recover, and then in a few years they might develop that miracle cure. So back away from that ledge!

Oh dear God how did I get so lucky as to stumble into you guys... If nothing else good comes of this journey (and I suspect it will actually), then you have renewed my faith in humanity. InTheShop is first out on the ledge with me again and then 20 of his dearest friends join him in short order... (literally) makes me cry.

So, I started from the top and read through again and it is just a remarkable resource of common sense and compassion to keep going back to...

BillyBob - You are 'passing it forward' with strength that is both humbling and inspiring. Yes I hear you and I think that's right where I am; no soup for me ;o) (can't use the Nz-word). I've been kinda avoiding the whole "which treatment would I go with" conundrum as I thought doing so might attract bad karma ahead of the final diagnosis, didn't want to tempt fate; but I really appreciate being bashed over the head with good options, we men can be a tad 'dense' (they tell me)! Guys... never fail to bash me over the head!

I think my line is currently drawn at HT. My heart goes out to the guys treading that path, a level of bravery I really don't have. If it could guarantee to switch the desire off then maybe, but seems that it can't. There have been many points in my life when I actually wished I could switch the desire off, I have been very sexual since well before I should have been.

Kris - If this does indeed turn to sh1t I shall be beating a path to your proton powered (back)door for those insights.

I never had a dad, he left before I was born, and was an only child, so no brothers; now I feel like I have 100 of each! I have today vowed to come to GFMPH to hug and cry with you guys.

I think my list currently goes:

AS - If I qualify for a robust program, though the 'age' point is dichotomous; the very people it should benefit most are the young ones, yet it is from those that they shy away - that tells you something.

FLA - or some focal treatment if it's practical.

RT - and Proton, HDR or SBRT seem like favorites; but didn't my mum tell me radiation was bad for me?

Surgery - by a suitable robotic rockstar, Patel, Tewari seem to get mentioned in that breath (more I'm sure).

IF I'll dig into the details with you all once I know the extent of 'delete as applicable'...

Cooper - you've diligently been through the list right? Don't make me have BillyBob hit you over the head...!

To everyone else too numerous to mention a heartfelt thank you, tear and manly nod.

So Halbert, I think I'm still a bit "Dazed and Confused" but I hope one day to have that "Celebration Day" as we all do when someone posts a "<".

...and for those who remember Spinal Tap... who could forget the ballad: "Lick my Love Pump"!!!

Paul, humbled.

Good on you Cooper and good luck with it dude; I was just checking having read BillyBob's post. Hat is off to a man who knows his own mind. The guys here will carry you through it on broad shoulders