Posted 11/17/2015 2:25 AM (GMT 0)
In about Nov 2013 I went on Lexapro (anti-depressant), as the whole world of PCa, the treatments, the fear, my mom passing away, being transferred by my company from where I loved living to a location in another state against my desire, had all begun pressing me down.
Prozac first, but it made me a zombie. Lexapro was the next effort, and it stabilized me pretty well emotionally with out steamrolling my personality. However, it also had the immediate effect of "anorgasmia" and I haven't enjoyed one of those for 2 years now. Think about it... Also, I felt very fatigued and never knew if that was just from the hormone therapy or the anti-depressant.
Six months ago, beginning in May of this year, I began weaning off of Lexapro. The end of October marked the end of it finally, though it may be a bit more until full recovery from it. My life's more stable, and I wanted to see if I could relieve the fatigue and who knows, maybe have a big O again.
After tapering that long, I'm even now experiencing mild withdrawal symptoms. A little dizziness sometimes, easily irritated/irritable, and some degree of "brain zaps" (hard to describe, kind of like a very momentary vertigo or even a mild electrical sensation in the brain - as soon as you have them you'll know what they are). In just the last week, the irritability seems to be seriously diminishing; I may have lost a long-term friend during it though, we'll have to see.
But, my fatigue issue has been greatly reduced. I still have to go to bed around 9pm, but I feel pretty alert all day long. That's a big improvement!
And recently, I've rediscovered my emotional connection with music which I hadn't really noticed had gone underground. Until Lexapro, many songs made my "significant to me" list, and I made a playlist on my iPhone of them (downloaded many). On Lexapro, that emotional sensitivity dried up (difficult, because music is really a language of emotion and has always been important in my life). I enjoyed music on Lexapro, but no emotional connection. No songs added to the list since Jan 2014 I recently realized!
And now, off of Lexapro fully for a month or so, I well up much more easily. The messages I listened to both of the last 2 Sundays had me tearing up. Music will do it now. Reading certain things will too. It just happens, but I don't really mind. This is a lot more emotional than I was before HT, but I don't really mind it. It feels very deep when it happens, and I find deep meaning in things that are easily skipped over. It's not like I'm a weepy mess, it's just that the depth of feeling sometimes overcomes me.
We'll wait a bit longer for experiments in the other realm. As Sonny recently described it to me, the thought of sex while on hormone therapy is about on par with mowing the lawn or filling the dishwasher! That sounds about right, so we'll just have to see if some recovery that direction happens.
Lexapro, and generally anti-depressants perhaps, have their place to help us through difficult spots. They certainly come with their own load of side effects, though! And Lexapro in particular is very difficult to wean off of. Some suggest going on Prozac for a month or so and then stopping that, to help with the symptoms (some chemical reason for it, slower clearing from one's system or some such).
So, I've shared so much of my experiences along this journey, just thought this might be of interest to anyone thinking of starting Lexapro, on it, or thinking of getting off of it...