Has having PCa changed your personality? Or not?

Sometimes a strongly negative, even traumatic, life event can alter one's personality, often for the worse. The shock, fear, anger, and such that such an experience can cause can soon after manifest themselves in a personality that has become harsher, more impatient and stressed, more volatile than it was before.

The regular hard knocks of life can do this to a personality in any case, especially over time, but sometimes the circumstance of something like a case of cancer can expedite this process in some people, making the personality more negative than it would have been otherwise, and sooner.

When it does happen, a personality can change, becoming more

stubborn
impatient
unreasonable
set in its ways
crabby
inconsiderate
critical
selfish

to mention only a few such negative qualities.

The problem here, and the reason for this thread, is that it is likely difficult for us as individuals to recognize whether or not this is a problem for us, that this has happened to us. We are too close to the problem. It would be easier for those around us to see such personality changes emerging, and to tell us, if they choose to do so.

Maybe some of us now suddenly remember that a nearby loved one has indeed mentioned this to us before, that we are not "the same person as we used to be," whether we believed them or not.

(I recently put this very question to my two sons who live with me, asking whether they had noticed any personality changes in me since Dx five years ago and subsequent RT. Interestingly, they said they had observed no particular changes, in either positive or negative personality features, but thought I had become "more cautious" than before, especially in decision making).

So what do you think? Has your PCa journey altered your personality? If so, how? Did you already know, or did someone tell you?

This is a question that most of us have probably not given much thought to, so perhaps this thread may serve a purpose in inviting us to do so now.

As noted, according to my boys, my own journey has in my case not made my personality all that much harsher, maybe just a little more "cautious."

Why, surely, I'm still the same, lovable, good-natured person that I've always been!

Now if those darn kids would just stay off of my lawn!

I credit "getting old" for any of my personality changes.

I've gone from being overly passive and sucking things up to avoid confrontation to speaking what's on my mind a lot sooner.

25 + years ago my circle of friends came up with nicknames for ourselves. Mine was and still is EzyStvy.... Now - not so much.

On a related note, I visited my shrink for a bit of a tune up a few years back.... I told him I scared MYself at just how angry I can get. Luckily it's always at home and I'm by myself when I throw remote controls across the room because they don't work as expected... Or throw a smoke alarm that won't stop beeping or beat the hell out of a frying pan that helped me burn diner.

I do indentify with the anger issues EzyStvy shared...mine comes with the tech changes we are forced to live with...I just wanted a ezy printer for my laptop...just to print some paper now and then...but nooo could only get tthe kine with dis and dat and all the goodies to make lives "simple" Couldn't get it to work..you need every password you ever had and of course the passwords need to be complicated and you shouldn't ever use the same one for dis and dat.... I can't even get a new car without becoming a "master" of all the dis and dats....Grrr... world gone wild with no taming button...

All those traits you mentioned I had before PC; nothing's changed.

I used to put everyone else first and try and make everyone happy.
Now, I first make sure I am happy. It's a full time job, but fortunately
I have a lot of goodwill built up.

I had thought I would be looking at cars with a little computer in them, but in reality I think I was looking at computers with a little car in them.

You got that right, 81!

From what I've been told, yes, I've changed over the last 18 months or so. I'm told I'm both better and worse, if that makes sense. Better: I seem to be more willing to ask for what I want, and more willing to ask for help. I think I'm also more able to listen to others with problems (not just about disease, but in all areas), but also less patient with those who refuse to listen or those who refuse to admit their own failings.

It is hard to nail down cause and effect here; but I do believe, at least for now, I am a kinder person to others, especially in those many micro-interactions that occur as we navigate our path through the day- when I am polite with a stranger now, I have a sense of intensity in wishing them a good day or thanking them for a service- I feel now like I really mean it, not just making the pro forma gestures to oil the cogs of society.

I also have de-escalated my anxiety when faced with obstruction by external forces- if it ain't related to my therapy or family, it is small potatoes-

I am fortunate now- I am newly diagnosed and in a comfort zone as my PCa burden is reduced by standard of care; If I suffer chronic pain and inability to make music happen in the future, I may turn into a vortex of bitter resentment- who knows, but I hate pain and boredom.

Lastly, I am maybe a bit at peace because I am older than many with a pending short term lease, I have done all the "big" things in my life, and I ferociously recognize that now (and for some while in the future) is as good as it is gonna get for me, now is the easiest it will be for me to enjoy my moments, to be there for my wife, and to keep working on the next tune. So I focus on the NOW more than anything else.

I think we all change (now I am of the "cancer" tribe). The foundations of our lives are predictive for how we will change. It is OK for personality change to change as well, responding to different seasons of our disease.

Summation: I am real fuzzy and warm most of the time now, but could turn into a bigtime SOB in the future as things breakdown... I just do not know.

rf

Mrs Newt says yes...I am a cranky dude...LOL

My ass has been kicked around alot lately. Double Hip resurfacing in 2012, now this. Must say I feel a lot older than I actually am. Engaged to somone 14
years younger with young children and I really feel it. Sexually desire has been decreasing, now it's nose dived. No desire to go to soccer games.Honestly, PC has made me a little more selfish. I want to relax. There is no way I'm working to 67. That's BS. Mentally and physically I won't be able to take it. I am creating a bank robbery group of guys with PC diagnosis called The DRE SQUAD . If you want to join hit me up at FBI dot com.

I definitely feel different than i did 2 years ago. I was diagnosed with PCa, in Nov 2014, had surgery in January 2015, and then was diagnosed with Coronary Artery Disease in June 2015. So i dont know if its the PcA or the CAD. Likely both. How have i changed
1. i have what i truly believe is PTSD from being diagnosed with two serious diseases in 6 months. I am always extra nervous going to a Dr.
2. I am mindful of diet an exercise, almost to a fault. I went from being a steak and potatoes guy, fried foods all day long, pizza chinese food etc, to basically eating like a rabbit. I look at food labels on everything, not just nutrients but ingredients. I dont like being this way. I feel like i went from being a mans man to more of a new age woman. (no offense to the women here). I hate it
3. I worry more about the future
on a positive note,
4. think i am less prone to flying off the handle.
5. I find myself being nice to people i dont know for no reason(didnt do that very often before)
6. I'm not reluctant to spend money on myself and my family anymore. I was always a penny pincher. No more.
7. i make it a point to take more vacations than i need
8. I've cut my work hours by about 35%

So in short, I've changed. For better AND for worse.

I decided to retire at 62 rather than 65. Prostate cancer with the thoughts of potentially dying, made me ask myself if life is mostly about my job and 50-60 hour work weeks (the proverbial..is that all that there is). I have been retired for 3 months and have just begun to understand how much I have missed over the years because of my obsession with my job.
I am spending more time with my family and new grandson and having the time of my life.

Paul

Have become more thoughtful. Taking good care of myself. Less angry. Give more attention to what is important...what is joyful, loving, beautiful.

Kind of like the bank robbery idea.

____________________
Age 75
Metastatic Stage 4
PSA 340
Initial diagnosis 2001, Brachy in 2002
Ca free then until 4/2014 and diagnosed with metastasis to bone
Various tx; chemo 20151; ext rad 2016; 6/16 completing Radium 223 (Xofigo)

I should post the not-so-warm-and-fuzzy as well in the interest of accurate record keeping....

I am 6 days post my first taxotere infusion, recovering from SE and fatigue- energy level is reduced after lunch for sure, but I take things slow and deliberate, like at the grocery store 15 minutes ago-

I have confessed my condition to strangers for a second time now to affect a social interaction. The first was to gain priority boarding on Southwest so I could sit with my wife 24 hrs post chemo on a 4 hr trip. That was appropriate. The second- well, I don't know about appropriate- I just wanted him to go away and stop asking me to feel sorry for him and his friend...

Let me preface- I am a real hard case on strangers asking me for money or favors- I cannot give to all who ask, nor will I try to judge who is worthy of my charity and who is not-- so I just say no upfront, feel a little pissed and a little guilty for not being in dire straits myself and insensitive to someone in need- that has been my MO and few get past it (if I let them talk a bit to me, it gets harder to make them go away with my words, but money always works...).

You know how it is. You are loading your purchase into the car and someone comes up behind you and asks for a "favor"- I was in "slow" mode, so I just said "depends" and continued loading. He went into his tale, about just arriving from Mississippi and his friend in the white jeep over there, he needs to find a place for her to stay, and... [aside: I have heard a similar version of this event before from a woman driving a white Lexus in another parking lot].
He is a nice guy, very polite, and possibly very truthful, but old habits die hard- I just wanted him to go away and stop bothering me, but I had opened myself up to the tale.

I cut him off after a couple sentences and it just came out, without thinking-
"Sorry, but I was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer 2 months ago and I just had a round of chemo. I'm not in position to help anybody." That last statement was not true. He said " let me return your cart". very polite he. not-so-warm-and-fuzzy me.

I left the interaction with about the same level of guilt and irritation I always get from those events, but asking myself "is this how it is? will I trot out my little tale of woe whenever it might alter my environment towards my comfort, even when my comfort is not so deserved?" We shall see.

I really do not like confessing to strangers, but it was a kneejerk reaction. He wanted me to feel sorry for him, I countered with why he should feel sorry for me. But I don't want people to feel sorry for me (I think.... this is all so confusing at times).

Maybe if I lose my hair in the next few days and wear the "look sick" sandwich board, I won't even have to speak up.

rock and roll and thanks to everyone for bein' here

rf