Thoughtful and powerful - an oncology nurse suddenly understands cancer from a patient's perspective

This is a thoughtful and powerful article. It's written by an experienced oncology nurse who was diagnosed herself after years of caring for cancer patients. I know I've felt many of these things, and this is a way to say much that we may think but may not have the words to say.

/herecomesthesun927.com/2016/11/14/dear-every-cancer-patient-i-ever-took-care-of-im-sorry-i-didnt-get-it/

I'm now over 3-1/2 years past diagnosis. Treatment finally ended last March. We now monitor, playing a "yay, boo" binary mindgame with every checkup. My next PSA is in about 2 weeks. I'm already feeling it, like looking for a shark fin in the surf. Maybe we don't see anything. So, is there nothing to see? Maybe there's the tip of a fin and we're not sure? Waiting for its teeth to become visible? Sigh....

It will probably be like this every checkup. In the meantime, I find inspiration from many here, and I'm out to choke the life out of every day!

My wife (an RN) used to work for an oncologist and administer chemo, she was always under pressure and strain - mistakes have some bad consequences for the injection site area. She was particularly disturbed when giving chemo to children, she has a lot of empathy for her patients.

Thank you for posting this story Redwing,
It hits every point. I get everything she says. I just finished IMRT 39 fractions took 43 days when you count the holiday and the machine being down. My wife went with me to every appointment, sat and waited through all the scans,the tests and the treatments. We traveled to Seattle and back 4 different times this summer. We did it together.
I do find myself feeling guilty,that my wife has to go through this. I didn't ever think I'd feel this way if I ever got cancer ,but I'm more scared for her than for myself. I think at times (if I don't make it through this ) how hard it will be for her. I try to keep those thoughts out of my mind,but they creep back now and again.
At church yesterday I ran into a few people that ask "how you doing?" and I say doing pretty good. They ask if I'm done with radiation and I say yes. They say great! They ask did they get it all? Or they say great now your through treatment ! I find it hard trying to explain that my treatment will at the shortest be 18 more months. They don't understand....I'll say don't know if they got it all, probably will only know that they didn't.
I feel like ..... they really don't want a whole description of how my treatment works. I don't blame them. It's like the people that make the statement "oh you have the easy cancer, you'll probably die of something else before you die of prostate cancer." That is true for most. I have found that the best answer for me is to say is "that is true for 95%, but I'm in the 5% range that is real aggressive"

In my mind I am screaming NO....you don't get it ,this is serious and this is a hard journey! I don't want sympathy, but I don't want people to discount what I'm going through either.

All in all it really doesn't matter. I have a great family and a few wonderful friends that understand and have been there from day one . I feel blessed.

This cancer has reunited my older brother and me. We really haven't talked for quite a few years. Now we either call or text weekly. In fact we'll be seeing him this weekend. He follows this forum to keep up with how thing are going for me and is trying to find out as much as he can about this disease and is amazed at the support I receive from all here.

My 83 yr old mom and dad traveled 3 hours both ways with my sister, just to be with us after my RT and my surgery. I never thought they should travel like that because of their age ,but they were insistent upon coming down. I know it was hard on them.My sister has been wonderful as usual.

It's funny the blessings that can come from this. I feel my wife and I are closer now than ever in our almost 36 yr marriage. My daughter and my son call me at least once a day.

One last thing... when I finished my last treatment I was relieved....yet as I got dressed I started to get emotional. I was saying good bye to people that had taken care of me that I had developed a relationship with. Then as I walked out of that room and looked back at that machine , I turned and there was my RO. I hadn't expected to see her that day. I said "oh you are here!" and I gave her a big hug and broke down crying. I really didn't expect there to be so much emotion. I was really ready to be done but the respect I had for all the staff was incredible.
I know a person will never fully know what it's like to have cancer until they get that call, but I can say for the overwhelming number of care givers I've encountered through this journey ( which is now only 5 months long) these people that work with cancer patients every day probably come the closest to understanding and getting it.

To them and and the ones that developed that "big scary machine" I will be forever grateful.

The Artistic One - Mark

Mark:

Actually, having seen my friend quickly go downhill with his esophageal cancer, I guess I will acknowledge that I got the "good cancer." But I will never be cured and have to go through the agony of tests, HT, and all that stuff. It is miserable. Redwing -- I, too, have my next PSA in about 2 weeks.

But, as I said, we all have the "good cancer."

Mel

Outstanding article. Nails it all.

Thanks for posting this for us.

Andrew