How a Single Conversation Saved my Life

Hello all...I am new here and want to help! I have been writing about my experience and thought I would offer it up to you. I hope you find some value.

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“Every conversation is a selling moment”. This has been my signature message and a mighty cornerstone of my keynote and workshops on sales culture. At times, it is met with some skepticism, a smirk, eye roll or a raised eyebrow because people resist the notion that they are “in sales” and that’s what energizes me. To that end, here is an real, honest to goodness life instance of how this concept changed and saved my life. Literally. I have been sharing my story about my recent brush with cancer and what I want to share now is how my own journey began a few years earlier and long before my own diagnosis. How a simple and seemingly innocuous conversation had an intense impact on me that led to a life saving decision. How a single moment can positively affect someone’s life.

May, 2013. I was at a networking event and saw a friend of mine who I had not seen in a year or so. I walked up to him and after a handshake and hug; I asked “how are you?” He mentioned that he was “getting better and feeling stronger”. I wasn’t sure what he meant (but human instinct and my own fears kicked in and told me that there was a health issue). He went onto tell me that he had been found to have prostate cancer and he had just finished his treatments. BAM. There it was in living color – my fear of cancer staring me in the face and reawakened in the light of my friend’s reality. Ever since my father died in 1989 of a brain tumor, I have had an almost abnormal fear of getting a diagnosis of cancer and as we get older and we hear stories, we are faced with our own fears and mortality. That’s just the way it is.

As I was listening, I felt that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and simultaneously I began to silently chastise myself for having neglected making my appointment for my annual physical. In fact, I was way overdue to see my doctor. Knowing that my friend was not much older than I was, I thought “could this happen to me?” One of the first questions I asked him was “how he found out” and that led to a conversation about seeing his doctor and getting his PSA level checked (a somewhat controversial blood test that can lead to early detection of prostate cancer). I knew something about this test as I had had a friend get diagnosed nine years earlier with the same thing. We talked for about 30 minutes, and not wanting to monopolize his time, I gave him a hug and pledged to be in touch soon and not let the time go by as it had – a pledge I have kept. The final comment that he shared with me was “to get my physical and get the test”. A perfect and true “selling moment” if there was ever one.

June, 2013. I went for my physical and nervously asked for the PSA test – I felt the anxiety attacking me. No argument from the doctor and no pushback which was both a relief relief and in some ways scared me a bit more because I so wanted him to talk me out of it. To tell me that I had nothing to worry about. It’s nothing more than a box to be checked on the lab forms when they draw blood for the standard blood tests. Totally painless and a non-issue. I wanted to believe that I would not be in the same shoes as my friend. Denial and fear are powerful emotions. Two days later I got an email from the medical system letting me know that I could log on and see my results (not a good idea for a hypochondriac at 3 a.m.). I did and as I scanned the results, I finally arrived at the PSA line. When I saw the number I froze. 5.5. The normal level is 0-4 and I was obviously out of range. My mind immediately raced, I got very frightened that I must have cancer. I panicked and felt that awful chill run down my spine and I broke out in a cold sweat. I literally could not breathe for a moment or two and then I went into a mental freefall. I began to imagine the worst and I saw my funeral. I was in a bad way and I was also alone. My wife had gone to Florida to see her ailing father and I was alone to stare at the computer screen and think the worst. I started to cry and then I thought about the conversation a month earlier with my friend and through the tears and extreme anxiety I thought about how this was no coincidence that we reconnected. I have always been a believer in fate and karma and this was no accident.

I didn’t get back to sleep that night and as I paced my house overwhelmed with anxiety as I watched the clock and at 8:58 am ( I wanted to be the first in the queue) I called my doctor. I felt some relief when he came on the line and we began to talk about the results – and as he was trying to talk me off the ledge- I thought simultaneously of the conversation I had with my friend and mouthed a silent and heartfelt “thank you” for hearing his story, for taking his counsel and seeing the doctor. I had been afraid to see my doctor and he sold me on sucking it up and going. I am grateful he closed me on it. Rarely has a day gone by where I do not feel profoundly appreciative for that moment a month earlier. You just never know where a conversation will lead. Every conversation matters to someone. Every conversation counts. Do not bet against me on this.

Far too often we forget or simply don’t know the impact we have on people with our words and stories. Every time we connect – whether it’s the written word, a text or hopefully a live conversation, we are imparting something remarkable to someone. Images are created very quickly and those images guide our reactions and how we hear what is being said. The words and our presence in those instances influence, educate, motivate, and yes, inspire. It’s a moment where with your words – you have the chance to save a life. In this case it was mine.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for being there.

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dx at 54 - PSA had floated for three years between 5.5 and 6.1
GL 7 ( 3+4)
Robotic Procedure - UPenn Dr. David Lee ( 11.16.16)
Pathology all clear - Margins, Seminal Vesicles, and 12 L. Nodes
First Follow Up PSA Undetectable

Huh?

Yes sir...exactly the point. Perhaps there are people on here who are confused about what to do and are not seeing the signs right in front of them. If the story can help one person get a test then it's a good story

Thank you very much....I want to help and share any way I can. I will be here!

Bobby Mac said...
... I understand if it was not found until years later it could grow into a high volume disease and could have been a life threatening disease.

TC327 said...
Yes sir...exactly the point. Perhaps there are people on here who are confused about what to do and are not seeing the signs right in front of them. If the story can help one person get a test then it's a good story

If I may tell my own story here. I am not a salesman and my storytelling skills are not as captivating. But if I had not given up so easily then my cancer could have been treated before it began to spread.

In 2012 during a routine physical (I had one every year) my doctor said my PSA had "reached four" and I should see a urologist. He also referred me to a dermatologist who ended up treating a few minor skin cancers. I saw the same urologist I had been seeing for a couple decades. In 2001 he had excised a spermatoceil (sp?). He told me that the PSA level of 4 is not anything to be concerned about. Rather, only a sudden spike would be cause for concern, and mine had gradually been climbing for the past decade. I believed him. First mistake. I should have been suspicious, but he was the doctor.

I did mention to him that what remained of my right testicle had been painful since after the surgery a decade earlier. He said it should come out. We arranged that. The surgery was done. A year later I returned for a followup and he said everything was fine. I asked him for a DRE, saying it had been over a year since my prostate had been checked. He did so and said everything was fine.

One month later I had a recurrence of an infection elsewhere in my body and was on several different antibiotics. As part of the blood work I requested that a PSA be included. My doctor said with some alarm that my PSA was 9.5 and again said I should see my urologist. The Urologist ordered a biopsy, which turned out to be negative. I asked what do we do next and he said another biopsy. I said, so you're going to keep poking at it until something develops? He said we can treat it with medicine.

That began what was basically a two year course of Cipro. It wasn't supposed to be that way, but my wife and I were in the process of retiring and moving 1000 miles away... and with that "out of the way" I didn't get around to planning for that second biopsy for another year. My new GP in Florida did a full physical and told me my PSA was 25. He did a DRE and said he could feel two bumps on the right side of my prostate. I told him the story about the biopsy and he asked if there had been an MRI associated with that biopsy, and I said no.

When we returned up north to sell our house I saw my urologist and told him about my experience with my new GP in Florida. He did a DRE and dismissed the bumps as "concretions". I looked that up on Dr Google, which didn't really tell me much. My Urologist then said he was retiring at the end of the month and his partner would take over my case. His partner ordered an MRI which found the tumor on the right side of my prostate. By now the cancer that supposedly "wasn't there" had already begun to spread. From there my story becomes a rather typical T3B story. But two years had passed.

I suppose I should have been more suspicious all along. I knew nothing about the high rate of false negatives from ultrasound biopsies. I did not know that PSA going from 4 to 9 to 12 and finally 25 was reason for alarm. I did not know there were forums like this one. Of course, because as far as I knew, I did not have cancer. My urologist had proven that to me. If I knew then what I know now, I would have sought a different specialist as soon as my old GP told me my PSA was 4.

Thanks for reading my story.

RobLee..I think your ability to tell a story is awesome. Thank you. Its all about being vigilant and aware. I have dreamed of collecting stories like these and publishing them (I have written two books and am a public speaker). All profits donated and people would be helped.

Welcome, TC. Unless I miss my guess, you were referred here by my wife.

hi

Wings of Eagles said...
TC327,
Great heartfelt story and teaching moment. What Bobby Mac said, I agree with.
Please don't' mind some other posts here, (you know the old saying...sometimes it better to remain silent..than to speak out and remove all doubt,..about being an XXX)
Wings aka Dan in So Cal.
Celibrate that you are alive today, nothing wrong with that!

Thanks so much for those words. I'm really glad to be on the site and giving back again. As a speaker I have no trouble telling my story to anybody wants to hear it if it'll save anybody aggravation grief or perhaps even a life! My sense is we all share that.

good post Halbert. I'll add that is often that 3+4 is upgraded to 4+3 or higher after surgery.

ed

TC327
Thanks again for your powerful post.You are an amazing writer of words. As you can see from the replies there is sometimes a difference of OPINION that you may find here.

One great feature on your profile , you can choose to ignore any poster.(just read their post,then press the little red "thumbs down" button in the upper right-hand corner of that person's post.) You could also un-ignore them latter if you want.

Also there is a location where you can list your email. Many reasons not to list that. My personal wish is for a certain prior poster to list his, because sometimes we might want to communicate one on one.

Above all, when you post, it is YOUR thread, hopefully posters will support you. Another great feature about HW is that we have moderators to call out when posters might go over the line... Sometimes.
Wings ready to protect HW newbie eggs)

.

Post Edited (Wings of Eagles) : 4/17/2017 9:16:10 AM (GMT-6)

TC327, thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm sure many men can identify with your narrative.

Regarding the PSA test and its role as a motivator: my personal physician always included a PSA test as part of my annual physical. Eventually, the number started to rise. In successive years, it went through the 2's, then the 3's, then the 4's, then the 5's. When it finally came back at 6.2, my doc refused even to give me the annual DRE, saying that I had procrastinated too long and he was done with me if I didn't go see a urologist.

In that way, the PSA results were what ultimately convinced me that perhaps I was NOT immune to cancer, and what happened after that can be seen in my stats attached to this message.

Did those PSA tests "save my life"? That's hard to say. I could have been hit by a car leaving the uro's office and died "with" prostate cancer rather than from it. I would probably still be alive today, seven years after diagnosis even without treatment, but who knows what suffering I might now be having to contend with because of the cancer in my prostate. Thankfully, I'm alive, feeling great, active, and more concerned about Type Two diabetes than prostate cancer. Oh, gee, I'm impotent. Woe is me. So sad.

That sad fact concerns me about one percent of the time, and my wife even less.

Good luck to you. I hope you stay part of the HW community.

The PSA test was my "check engine light." Yes, it might have meant only that I had forgotten to screw on the gas cap, but it certainly warranted a thorough look into other possible causes.

You sound to me like a smart guy who made some smart, informed decisions about his personal health. Sharing your experiences will surely help others.

Post Edited (clocknut) : 4/17/2017 7:57:51 AM (GMT-6)

TC327
Welcome to our club. Neither I nor anyone here can say whether your diagnosis and treatment saved your life. But it is clear that you had a cancer that needed treatment and, fortunately for you, you got it while the cancer seems to have still been contained in the prostate.

I can offer from my personal experience - Gleason 3+4, PT3b -- that diagnosis, surgery, and later salvage radiation bought me quite a few years without needing to move on to systemic androgen deprivation therapy (ADT). Diagnosis and treatment has given me additional years of more or less normal quality of life. I can't say if it has bought me any additional time on this side of the grass. But I'm sure I'd have been on ADT years ago had gone longer before diagnosis.

Good luck and keep those "undetectables" coming.
Jim