Diane, you are far from weak. Don't let Bolo's post make you upset. He's just being himself and you are just being you.
I began replying with a lot of past experiences with a post longer than necessary and somehow lost it. Just as well. The important point I wanted to make is that none of what's happening or might happen is your responsibility or fault. I was just reflecting on how many guys lately have beaten PCa only to be diagnosed with another cancer and are now doing war with that one or lost the battle to that one.
I also spend a fair amount of time researching and bookmarking and asking Allen for suggestions. I know the docs are overbooked and overworked and we need to be our advocates.
But I try to make sure I spend much more time enjoying time with Gary or just living and appreciating the normalcy of a day that we are both alive and going about
our normal routine. While there are usual ups and downs, I just love and appreciate my life just the way it is. I wish like crazy it wasn't hit by PCa, but we both are trying like hell to make sure there are few regrets in the end. I know that more worry and research and trying to push Gary to get more diagnostics (which I wish he would) and his dr (who rarely wants to discuss ANY of what I've researched) Will only lead to regrets of not spending more time just being present in our life right now.
Gary likes to say that most of what we worry about
never happens. And that has proven to be true. I usually respond with "I wish I'd worried about
you getting PCa."
Diane, try to keep your research handy and shift your focus to something that will bring you lovely memories to hold forever.
Right after Gary was dx'd we decided to spend a chunk of our savings to go on an Alaska Cruise with 11 family members and friends. Believe me, I'm a planner and a worrier, and doing that sure shifted my focus!!!
Best wishes and Bon Voyage
Beth