Thanks, Allen. It's rare to have the background story and character insights straight from the writer!
Nuanced positions are more interesting to consider than simpler good vs. evil. I like story telling that plays with reality, when people seem one way but are quite another, when one is not quite sure what's real, what's illusion or delusion. (Some, like the movie "Donnie Darko" take that so far it's almost impossible to figure out what's happening, a bit over-edited. In visual metaphors, "2001" played with that, explaining very little. The sequel "2010" went the other way, explaining
everything).
And truly, everyone is right in their own eyes. Radically dysfunctional behavior will be considered quite rational by the one doing it. I've been very wrong before, but I don't act when I know I'm wrong. There's always a rationale, however wrong someone else might deem it to be. For the most part, look for the control game, the control angle. We all want to be in control. Diseases like cancer scare us partly because they take away our control.
A key to changing someone else's behavior effectively is to get at the underlying rationale driving it, work out the underlying control game. A weak analogy, but something like managing a kid and a
cookie jar.
1) I'm in control:
You can strike fear in them, whack them if they take a
cookie so they're too afraid of you to risk punishment. Take away the
cookie jar, also authoritarian control.
2) They're in control:
Much harder, help them learn to control their own desire for a
cookie. We try this, saying "It'll ruin your dinner.".
But they don't care, they want the immediate sweet reward. They're no good at deferred reward, they have little self control yet. So, we seize control, bark "No
cookie!", smack hands, take away the jar.
Adults aren't much different, just more subtle desires, risks, rewards. Most of us in reality aren't much better about
delayed gratification if we're honest, though we try. College education can be a long-delayed reward, for example. But we sure all always want control.
Post Edited (Redwing57) : 6/10/2017 7:18:27 PM (GMT-6)