I'm moving -

I hope to see many of you on the prostate cancer forum that I am moving to:



Because of the new moderator, Pratoman, I no longer feel safe on Healingwell. He arbitrarily erases my posts - some of which I have put a great deal of time, thought, and effort into. I don't want to get into a fight when I post here - civil disagreements about therapies are fine with me, fights with moderators over posts are not fine with me. Pratoman is, by his own admission, high strung - what I didn't know was that he is a control freak as well. He also blatantly lied to me - he said he would email me if he thought that a post should be deleted. He then deleted my very next 300-word post without an alert. He is temperamentally unsuited to the task. I don't know why he chose me as his victim - perhaps because I am the most visible member and he wanted to make his mark. I asked him to resign - he refused - so I am leaving.

I take this step after much thought and with great sadness. I put a lot of time and effort into this site, and made many friends here. I am hopeful that my friends will join me on the other site. The moderator/administrator there, Darryl, is more laid back (like PDA and Tudpock), hardly ever deletes posts, has few rules, and is incredibly supportive. I feel at home there.

I have suggested some changes that I hope the moderators will adopt. The goal is to make their actions less arbitrary and subject to personal whim. I include them below, FYI:

(1) Inform posters via email if possible that their post is in danger of being edited, and give them a chance to fix them first.

(2) Lock threads when they become only full of meta-posts and they are no longer about the OP's subject

(3) Strictly enforce a no ad hominems policy. The rule that talks about "respect" calls for interpretation of a a very subjective term. Ad hominems, on the other hand, are objective (e.g., "Jane, you stupid c***..."). Sometimes, though, they are hidden in subtext or as passive-aggressive satements, which may require some discernment. A good clue is if the post is meta.

(4) Sometimes, moderators may want to rush in quickly to stop a flame war, and don't have time to trade emails with posters. They can accomplish this by adopting a policy of putting a temporary lock on a thread that raises a red flag (especially posts using ad hominems and meta-posts). That will give adequate time to discuss it behind the scenes and come to a consensus. A moderator can contact the offending poster and give him a chance to provide an altered post in an email, and go through as many iterations as needed to achieve agreement. It will also give posters a time-out to cool down. There are few threads on HW where a delay of a day or so will be a problem.

(5) Require a majority of moderators to agree to lock a thread. This will require an odd number of moderators.

I am not erasing my account - that would deprive people of all my past posts, which may be useful. I am also leaving my email up - feel free to contact me.

Sorry 142 - you may not lock this. Moderators are not above criticism. If you lock it I will re-post. What are you going to do? kick me out? - I'm leaving anyway and I don't think you want to erase all my previous posts. Before I go, I'd like to see some real discussion of the proposed changes. I suggest you view this as constructive criticism, because that's how it is meant.

Post Edited By Moderator (142) : 9/11/2018 4:38:47 PM (GMT-6)

TA has reposted, and as you'll see in his comments, wants it his way.

It is a very pitiful and poor tactic to repost on a closed thread.

Wow. Just. Wow.

I don’t think he wants to go and is realizing what a dumb *** mistake he’s making.

TA, for the good of all, just leave. You've helped a lot of people here, but I don't think you're any smarter than most urologists, and this is just getting really tiresome. That ego has to be really burdensome to carry around.

After you're finished with the ad hominem attacks, I hope you turn your attention to the suggestions I made for improvement of this forum.

Just go away.

mattamx said...
Unbelievable! Megalomaniac.

Well, this thread may finally somewhat explain the experience I have had with this member since I showed up here almost 5 years ago. Ad hominem attacks? Earlier I said"How ironic".

I did wonder sometimes what I could be doing so wrong so as to end up in seemingly constant conflict but only with this one member. At least if I ever posted a study - even when RCTs - that looked at something that was not prescription drug or medical treatment. Other conflicts with other members were rare or minor. I just never could figure out why such problems with this one.

I don't mean I could not figure out why he disagreed with the conclusion of some of the studies. Disagreement about such things is to be expected. But the ad hominem attacks that would follow were not to be expected. I'm not going to list any here unless some one asks specifically and it is allowed. But some were pretty significant, accusing me of things I have never accused anyone on this forum of, or any other that was supposed to be for support or friendly.

But seeing this sort of response- and a claim of not feeling safe here - just because apparently a mod objected to something he posted, a 1st as far as I know anyway - something that has happened to many of us- maybe that is not all that shocking to me at least. It always reminded me of being in the OR dealing with a surgeon who knew that no one else but him knew anything. Any questioning of authority, from other docs or for sure any non MD was to be crushed with insults. It always reminded me of that, it was like being back at work.

Post Edited (BillyBob@388) : 9/10/2018 6:46:19 PM (GMT-6)

oh shut up bubba

Dear Lord, the gift 'e gie us,
To see oursel's as others see us.

Robert Burns

"this issue exploding and resulting in an eminently knowledgeable member leaving is a failure of the system here"

don't think so. it's more of a person's inability to accept they are subject to be moderated just like anyone else without their "permission".

accept it or move on. it worked and life goes on.

Tall Allen: I sincerely believe you, A Yooper, and others "saved my life"! For that, I will be forever thankful. I do not know and probably never will know exactly why all of this drama is taking place. I am sure that everyone, including you, has there strong reasons for making very troubled statements.

I hope you will remember me as I will remember you, a fellow PC brother who was scared out of his skin after hearing the C word! Best wishes at your new location.
Chuck

RCS said...
I'm going to take my ball and go home!

I want to be in control of the situation and if I can't then no one is going to be allowed to be happy about the outcome.

The expression comes from the playground where one kid, the one who owns the soccer ball or basket ball, doesn't get his way in the game. If he doesn't get his way then he gets mad and punishes those who are unwilling to accept his mandate. He does this my taking his ball and going home thus ending the game and any fun the participants were having.

The expression "I'm going to take my ball and go home" when directed at an individual is used to illustrate the individual's immaturity when that person can't get his way and no longer wants to be a participant in the conversation or a contributor to solving a problem.

I don’t know everything, but even I could see that TA, and others, put in a lot of time into their posts.

Imagine researching and developing a post over a few hours only to have it deleted without warning. I only know what he says, but that would piss a lot of folks off for sure.