Choose life not fear

Last night I had a long chat with a friend, whose dad has bad blood cancer. The topic of fear came up and we spent quite a bit of time discussing how fear can cloud reality. Some years ago, a friend shared with me about another disease I have a useful tool. Ask yourself two questions when you are fearful. What do I know and what do I think? Fear is often triggered by what we think not what we know. For many, it launches us into projecting the future and often it is dark future. However, we can focus on what we know which is more a cognitive process based on reality, which can lead to a more rational assessment of our current condition and the next steps we need to take, which can help us lead a more peaceful life today. Being in today is the goal, in my opinion.

My experience with PC for the last almost 18 months were periods of shock, confusion, fear, understanding, decision making, treatment, and many more days of peace since treatment. I continue to find talking with other guys with PC very helpful. The gift of sharing your experience and letting newer guys know these phases are normal is a gift to self and to them!

In the field of Alcoholism, there is a common belief that it is a three-fold disease of mind, body, and spirit and that a threefold recovery is needed. I suggest this is not too far off for us with PC. For most of us there are few body symptoms but once diagnosed many of us are challenged trying to understand, trying to make decisions, feeling alone at times, etc.

I practice sharing, meditating, and trying to be there for other guys as part of my way of dealing with this disease and find it uplifting. I also continue to study this disease to be armed with facts. I have one friend with G9 who a great inspiration to me, as he goes through his road of treatments. I hope I give him some comfort in our sharing.

I doubt that I will ever think getting PC was a good thing but clearly, there have been benefits of friends, of a self-awareness of how I need to show up to my family and friends, and a peacefulness most days because my clear goal is to live life today to the best of my ability.

So today let’s choose life and continue to support each other!

Very nice post, a most valuable phrase... “fear can cloud reality”. Worth repeating.

Denis,
This seems to go along with one of the behaviors we often see in depressed individuals. When faced with a multi-step situation/problem, they often think through to the first decision point. At this point, they think of the worst possible outcome, then from there move on to the next decision point, at which they again envision the worst possible outcome, and so forth. Psychologists call this "over-exaggerating" - the process by which a patient envisions the worst possible outcome at every step of the process, until the end result is simply unbearable. They do this because they allow themselves to "think" that this is what will happen. The fact, though, is that they do not "know" what will happen.

All of us, in our "logical minds" know that the worst of the worst of the worst almost never comes to pass. Reality is almost always some mixture of good, bad and less bad outcomes. Some patients, however, cannot pull their emotional minds back to logical reality. They "know" that their outcome will probably not be the worst of the worst, but their emotional mind won't allow them to envision it.

To me, this is where a good psychologist or a good counselor can really help. Help the patient to not only realize but to accept the fact that their life will be some mixture of good and bad, and thus endeavor to ease the depression felt over the medical condition.

Paxton said...
....Psychologists call this "over-exaggerating" - the process by which a patient envisions the worst possible outcome at every step of the process....

...To me, this is where a good psychologist or a good counselor can really help. Help the patient to not only realize but to accept the fact that their life will be some mixture of good and bad, and thus endeavor to ease the depression felt over the medical condition.

Excellent observations Paxton. I guess the phenomenon of ‘over-exaggeration’ has little to to with seriousness of the cause(s) of the depression. It would seem logical that if a good portion of the life mixture is high, that the otherwise illogical depression is deep seated, and would require a professional to handle. Such an individual would likely not even recognize the seriousness of their condition.

There is an active depression section on Healing Well where this topic could be better explored.

Blackjack, your comments are a bit of a shift from the OP--which is about dealing with fear, which all of us experience--and some of us can be debilitated by. To your comment about the general fear of cancer worldwide, I'd suggest it's because cancer is in many ways a generic term for a huge family of diseases--some of which are truly to be feared. Pancreatic, for example: What is the generally accepted lifespan after diagnosis? 6 months? And the surgical cure, if you can call it that, is the Whipple procedure, which only works in a small percentage of cases.

That issue is certainly real, and needs a resolution--but I don't know what it is. Encouraging education not only of patients but of doctors as well. The problem, however, is that we are dealing with a belief system: Cancer is to be feared--and realistically in many cases: Even if it appears to be cured, is it really? Not just PC, but the others as well. We know that it comes back. Sooner or later, we all have to deal with knowing that it is (or was) in our body, and it might come back. That's reality. And we really don't know if, or when, or why, or whether it will us with the short straw..or someone else.

Finding ways to deal with the fear is certainly important....and it begins, as Denis points out, by asking the basic question: What, exactly, am I afraid of? (And stating "I'm not afraid of anything" is fundamentally dishonest for virtually everyone)

Fear and PC are companions.
If you have one, you have the other.
Where one is, the other will follow.
Best you can do is to constantly remind fear that it is an unwelcome guest,
and embrace life with all your heart.

Sometime I wonder If got PC because of my personality/mindset/outlook.

If you talk to a psychiatrist, which I have, they are convinced that all diseases start at the top - as my fried psychiatrist told me “your years are based on what’s between your ears”

It’s time to try to for a change!!!

It’s similar to how dentist feel - that all problems start with dental hygiene!

there is no evidence but there may be strong correlation.

Maybe mental and dental issues are also tied in some odd way.