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Friday Funnies--Groaner Jokes

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Posted 7/23/2021 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband's funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?"
"Not at all, go right ahead", the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, says "Plethora", and sits back down.
"Thanks," the woman says, "that means a lot".

A rookie cop got sent out on a domestic disturbance call.
After a long wait with no word, the Sergeant called him on the phone and asked him what was going on.
The rookie replied "This old woman shot her husband because he walked on her freshly mopped kitchen floor!"
The Sergeant said "Oh my gosh! Did you arrest her?"
The rookie said "No, the floor's not dry yet."
Posted 7/25/2021 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Posted 7/26/2021 1:36 AM (GMT 0)
Ha!

The plethora one had the desired effect on my daughter.

I sent it in a text and I got back “Ugh” which counts as a groan smile
Posted 7/31/2021 4:28 AM (GMT 0)
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender brings his drink, smiles and says, "No charge"
Posted 7/31/2021 8:52 AM (GMT 0)
A Higgs Boson walked into a Catholic church, and the priest told him to leave so that he wouldn't be in trouble for blasphemy. The Higgs replied, "but without me you can't have mass!"

The bartender said, "We don't serve your kind here!", a Neutrino walked into a bar.
Posted 9/3/2021 6:54 AM (GMT 0)
I was driving past a farm with a sign that read: "Duck, eggs". I thought: That has an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.

What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi
Posted 9/3/2021 9:29 AM (GMT 0)
Tim, did you duck to avoid the flying eggs?

THAT reminds me of a famous Headline some years ago: "Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim"
Posted 9/3/2021 10:54 AM (GMT 0)
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it."

"He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house." (Zsa Zsa Gabor talking about her fifth husband)

"I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it."
Posted 9/3/2021 1:02 PM (GMT 0)
Street sign “Cemetery Dead Ahead”
Posted 9/3/2021 1:46 PM (GMT 0)
This is no doubt overkill, but ...

https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=%22groaner+jokes%22&qpvt=%22groaner+jokes%22&tsc=imagehovertitle&form=igre&first=1
Posted 9/5/2021 9:40 AM (GMT 0)
Redneck - “We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins”.
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