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Posted 1/21/2022 7:41 PM (GMT 0)
The bar is a 5 minute walk from my house, but the return trip is 30 minutes.

The difference is staggering.....
Posted 1/21/2022 8:02 PM (GMT 0)
Steve,
Keep the really bad jokes coming. I love it! I can only retain in memory my two really bad cow jokes, which I have already inflicted upon the forum previously.
Posted 1/22/2022 9:32 AM (GMT 0)
Today’s joke
So my new girlfriend was supposed to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess we’re not gonna work out!


Today’s joke
So I was going to snag some leftovers from the party, but my plans were foiled!
Posted 1/22/2022 4:24 PM (GMT 0)
How about a baker's dozen?

1. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
2. You really shouldn't be intimidated by advanced math…it's easy as pi!
3. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
4. I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii!
5. Sure, I drink brake fluid. But I can stop anytime!
6. just found out that I'm color blind. The news came completely out of the green!
7. I was walking through a quarry. I said to the foreman, "That sure is a big rock!" "Boulder," he corrected me. So I stuck out my chest and shouted, "THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!!"
8. Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!
9. What do you do with chemists when they die? Barium!
10. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar…You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!
11. Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they're having trouble installing Windows!
12. A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That's ridiculous. My dogs don't even own bikes!
13. I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer they came… And then it hit me!

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=that%27s+all+folks+porky+pig&&view=detail&mid=6eb302a11fae015556f56eb302a11fae015556f5&rvsmid=2be20f977536d663d1a12be20f977536d663d1a1&form=vdqvap
Posted 1/22/2022 6:37 PM (GMT 0)
Old Chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old College Presidents never die, they just lose their faculties.
Old Fishermen never die, they just smell that way.

Anyone care to add to the list?
Posted 1/22/2022 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
And the inevitable. . .

Old truckers never have ED. They just get a new Peterbilt. . .
Posted 1/29/2022 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
ADVICE ON AGEING

The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54

The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57

The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41

The best soccer player in the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60

And then …

KFC inventor died at 94

Inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88

Cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102

The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 - in an earthquake

Hennessy cognac, Irish inventor died at 98

How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?

The rabbit is always jumping, but it lives for only 2 years.
The turtle that doesn't exercise at all, lives 400 years.

So …

Have a drink ...

Take a nap ...

And IF you wake up, have bacon and eggs!
Posted 1/29/2022 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
Maybe low stress guys, especially sea turtles, have the edge. The story says the tortoise can beat the hare, and apparently live a lot longer to tell the tale.
Posted 1/31/2022 9:11 AM (GMT 0)
A new way to tell !

A little boy tells his nursery school teacher
that he found a dead cat.
How do you know it was dead asked the teacher.
I pissed in its ear and it didn't move.
You did what shrieked the teacher??
You know, I leaned over and
went PSST in its ear and it didn't move.
Posted 2/5/2022 8:48 AM (GMT 0)
If anyone gets an email from me about canned meat..... Don't open It.

It's SPAM.
Posted 2/6/2022 7:57 AM (GMT 0)
SINGLE vs. ENGAGED vs. MARRIED..!!

Sipping her drink, the SINGLE girl leered and said, "Last Friday, at the end of the work day, I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"

The... ENGAGED woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"

The MARRIED woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?"
Posted 2/15/2022 10:29 AM (GMT 0)
Today’s joke.
So I finally invented a mind controlled air freshener, if you think about it, it makes scents!
Posted 2/18/2022 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes....tell you how to tie your laces.


What if they close all of the grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don't even know where Little Debbie lives....


If you want to know how old you really feel.... Stop drinking coffee and taking ibuprofen..... Then wait.
Posted 2/18/2022 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
And now for something completely different:

There once was a man of Stamboul
Who soliloquized thus to his tool:
Back in our youth,
You were Lewd and Uncouth,
But not you can't PEE you old fool!

The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
Called the hen a most elegant creature
The hen, pleased with that
Laid an egg in his hat
And thus did the Hen Reward Beecher!
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