Posted 9/4/2023 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
I was reading through posts on here which I have not done in years. I saw the survey asking about men wrapping things up with the forum if they leave. I realized I had never done so and I had this form to thank for being part of the impetus to push me into a new career as a sex therapist for men. If you wanna read about my crazy life, google "Paul Nelson Sex" - but I am NOT Dr. Paul Nelson, sex therapist in Africa (he and I have chatted and laugh about our parallel lives).
I was DX with PCa at 46. Dad died of it the next day. I had surgery at 47 and 15 years later I am fine with undetectable PSA. I had a hot shot surgeon in NYC. I was supposed to have NO issues with sexual function because he was so good. hahahaha!! I started Franktalk.org because people on here did not want blunt conversation about their sexual issues due to wives, daughters, etc being on here as well (I totally support that, btw...and men who are fighting for their lives don't need to read about men complaining about a limp dick!)
I work for a very large sexual medicine practice in NYC. I became a sex therapist and spend my days talking about penises and sex. I speak all over the country for PCa conferences. I have done the CDMRP PCa work in DC.
I have several main messages for PCa men in my work. First - you deserve an erection - it's not that difficult to get an erection - and if your doctor is not getting you a boner, fire your doctor. He is a bad doctor - Period! Second, no one seems to have told most men how to have sex and everything we know about sex came from teenage boys and **** - which means everything we know about sex is wrong (let that sink in). Third - it's a lie that your sex life will ever get back to normal. It's impossible, it's changed forever. Have the funeral, grieve, see a therapist, but rebuild a new sex life that does not resemble procreative sex!
But working through all these issues requires both emotional work and intellectual work. We need to grieve, but we need to educate ourselves on how to rebuild a new sexuality that is not based on what we used to have. The good news, the new sex life will be AMAZING - different, but amazing.
Anyway, that's my update. I do send patients here all the time. Healing Well remains the best forum out there for PCa, I believe!
Paul