How many wives get depressed?

This is my support along with two wonderful adult daughters. My mother is the type of person who wants to compete for who is the sickest, etc. She is unfortunately a very toxic person but I am doing my best to be kind to her. I do want the FB link. I know that I am very very very depressed because I feel like nothing matters to me any more. I feel like my husband, who is the sweetest person I have ever known deserved to retire this year rather than being on sick leave and I know deep down he is very afraid but keeps up a positive facade. I crave our "old life", life before PC so badly. I want the boring, ordinary, no surprises days and nights we had prior to November. Our calendar is full of chemo appointments and HT appointments and I can't think straight at all. I feel like if an asteroid hit the planet I wouldn't even care. So on the outside I am quiet but not tearful. On the inside I am broke glass shards. So sorry to be so negative. This is all so new to us and I am imploding.

I think we all crave the "old" life. Not having to worry every day. So many have given me the advice one day at a time and I know it's true but at night when it's quiet those "what if" thoughts still attack. I know what it's like to look at your husband and think "Will he be here tomorrow, 3 months from now, 6 months from now?" The times we took sex for granted "Too tired, don't feel like it, the child is sick" and not a thought about it. Sex would always be there. Watching our husbands clam up and internalize and not share emotions while we are trying to stay strong when all we want to do is SCREAM AT THE WORLD IT'S NOT FAIR! We feel guilty when we call them out on it on their bad days when they are taking us for granted and talking to us like dirt, or worse, ignoring us and pretending we're not there. It's a sisterhood just like they have the brotherhood of emotions they deal w/ going through this disease. I absolutely cannot figure out how to post a clickable link. I am going to put my email addy in the info on my profile. Send me an email and I'll send you the link or just name of the group (I don't know if we are allowed to give names of fb groups on here???) There are some wonderful ladies there and they will keep you sane just like the folks here do. The best part about it is even all the stuff we're going through we manage to laugh. Keep your head up! You're not alone. ~Miki~

Moderators:

Tonka toy asks: "I wish there was a real time chat room here..."

Do we not still have the real time chat room function here on the forum? When clicked, the "Chat" button at the top of this screen still calls up a sign-on screen to get into chat mode. I assume it still works.

I confess I haven't participated in " chat" lately myself, and of course it takes at least two to get a live chat going (didn't we used to have these regularly scheduled on Wednesday evenings?), but I assume the option to do so is still there.

I created an email address that is listed in my profile for the purpose of interacting with others on HW. It is not my personal email address, which I did not want to publicly display in my profile. It has worked out well. I just have to remember to periodically check to see if I have any messages there.

My email that I have on here is not my personal one either. Anything that is yahoo, gmail, hotmail I think is safe. I'd be interested in doing the caregivers chat if I can figure that out. There's already a great fb group for caregivers but I can't figure out how to make it a clickable link.(It is a closed group so don't know if it will come up anyway). What's a good time for everyone to do chat? I'm central time so make sure when you tell a good time you give me your time zone.