Surgery in the past but what about the future?

Dear Michael,

Reach deep inside yourself…because you have such strength that you’ve just for a moment…forgotten that you have.  It is so evident in so many of your postings… and you only have to look within to recapture it.  Depression will eat up all that positive energy that you had before surgery and during your healing/recovery.  From your postings your wife has been a great support.  Being able to talk through things is so important. 

I will share my feelings with you.  I’ve talked myself into going ahead and sharing this with you.… I don’t know you personally ~ but having read your postings from the beginning maybe a little…. But then again…I may be off the mark completely and then again maybe not!

The urinary incontinence will take time….. you really have to be patient…  You are free of prostate cancer, you are only 41, and your surgery was on August 8^th.  These are all big pluses!!!!!  Time is a healer… Positive thinking is a healer……. 

Now about that erection?

I don’t know your wife and again… I may be off the mark and if I am… just ask me to delete my posting….. and I will in a heart beat!  Just say the word…

Are her feelings the same as yours? Is she depressed because there’s no erection?  If you are both feeling the depression… I wouldn’t hesitate to ask for some outside help to get through this.  There are several forms….  Counseling, medication… or you could just find a new form of love making to get you through this!!!  I don’t think I need to draw a picture here J

If it’s you that is the most concerned at this point about “him” the erection…. Then you might want to put your energy into healing and stop thinking J  Thinking sometimes can really mess with your mind!!!!!!!!  And down below too!  So ~ stop thinking about him and he will probably wake you up one morning.  And a posting down the road from you…. Like one of our other friends sent out “Got Woody”….  J

Truly… focus your energy healing!!!!  This was a major surgery and there’s a lot of healing that has to take place…

Please remember….

You are alive and free of prostate cancer…. The most important phase in all of this!!! 

So many tend to forget this after the surgery because then we have other issues to deal with.  But ~ you should never forget this.  This you should remember each morning when you wake up and each night when you lean over and kiss that beautiful wife.  You are here!!!! 

We are never promised tomorrow…. *I know, I know… I’ve said this before… but it is so true.  If you could look into the future…and you could see that you have only 3 weeks to live… what would be your priority?  I guess we would all have different priorities ~ but I don’t think having an erection to have intercourse would be that high on the list….   So ~ why not live today as if it is the last day and show your wife the love through other channels of affection.  When was the last time you turned the radio on and asked her to “slow” dance?  When was the last time you walked up behind her and kissed her on the neck.  When was the last time you gave her a gentle body massage?  Don’t forget spoons, buns to buns, and cuddling… All of these add up to closeness.  I share this with you because in our very personal decision to have the “wide-excision” we knew what the end result would be.  With the “wide-excision”… the surgeon cuts out as much tissue as possible surrounding the prostate in an aggressive attempt to get every last bit of cancer.  So ~ we had 2 phases to contend with rather than 3 that the majority of the men have.  Free of cancer & urinary continence!  And I’m here to tell you that having Buddy here with me is the most important thing in my life.  

I’ll throw this into the mix…. Christopher Reeves…. Comes to my mind.  We all know what his daily struggles were. 

Michael… I hope I haven’t crossed a line that I should not have crossed…. 

If so ~ please let me know because my intentions are truly an honest heartfelt response to your cry for answers.  I’m not saying I have “the” answer… but I feel I can contribute a little in the ways of POSITIVE THINKING…. 

My thoughts and prayers are with you each and every day….

In Friendship ~ Lee

Bluebird,

Sorry, I did not see your very personal and postive response until today.  I had not checked in for awhile.  Crazy at work and traveling.  Thanks for sharing and no you did not cross over any lines.  Yes, I am more concerned than my wife about obtaining an erection but she is concerned as well.  We went through a "phase" where we were not very intimate but are trying again.  I get frustrated and she a little bummed when I can not acheive an orgasm with her help.  It is a learning curve and we both really hope the injections will help.  My appointment with my Urologist is on Nov. 11th. 

I am not sure if I told you all my first PSA at 5 weeks post came back less than 0.7.  I will have another drawn right before my next appt.  All good news.

Thanks to everyone and their encouragement, it all really helps.  I find it easy to give out encouragment to others but realize I need it too from time to time.  Thank you all for this. 

Kat, it sounds like Jeff is doing well.  I have not tried the vacuum pump.  I thought I wait until my appt with the doc.  We will see what he suggests. 

We have a crazy busy life like most.  One daughter a freshman in high school, a daughter in middle school (7th grade) and a son in elementary (3rd grade).  Three different schools this year and lots of activities! This in itself creates a challenge just to find time for intimacy but making time is important.  We found that out when I was diagnosed.

Again I appreciate all of you very much and will continue to keep in touch.  Has anyone heard from Daveed lately?  I was thinking he was scheduled soon for surgery?

Mike