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Posted 1/14/2007 3:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hi again Jim,

Here is an example of how much we are all helping each other out.

I have been frustrated by the lack of specific detail on how long to hold kegels and how many to do per day. I just read your Dec 16th posting on this topic and I am going to try your doctor's schedule of 5 reps holding for 5 seconds and repeat 10 times daily on the hour. I like it better than what I was doing (three sets of 20 per day.)

I hope that it helps me to get some control over the incontinence. If nothing else, it is a lot easier to remember than the one that I was doing before.

Ben
Posted 1/25/2007 9:39 PM (GMT 0)
Post-op week 7.

Continence. I have no leaks unless I get really tired. I feel so good most of the time that I over do it occasionally. Teaching 3 lectures in the morning every day gets me tired but I recover by mid-afternoon and then do my arthritis stretching and take my mile walk on most days that are not too cold. My nose tends to freeze at about 15 degrees. I still get up to pee once or twice each night but having a steam like a firehose makes for short trips. Still doing Kegels regularly - I thought I didn't need them anymore but found out differently.

Potency. Still not much to report here. I get about 50% of a boner without any pills or pumps and am starting to feel some stirring in the morning when it was almost always up prior to surgery. My wife and I do a lot more cuddling than we have done since dating (51 years ago). Feeling close, touching and hearing each other breathe really are nice experiences. I'm sure that when we can get it on, these things will make it better than before. It was a revelation to me that the object of foreplay could be foreplay. Ahh - the wonders of age and PCa!

Emotional. I still have a few ups and downs from the effects of the drugs. They are not a problem when I remember that they just happen and will go away eventually. My temper is a little bit short so I have to take a time out when I feel the heat build up. I had myself psyched for the surgery and the recovery and now am getting back to normal.

Hey Ben, sorry I didn't answer your last post sooner. I missed it somehow. Glad you can use the info on Kegels.

The ice is off the streets and the temp is above freezing for a few hours each day. Its a good thing that I took the battery out of the Sportster last fall or I would be out there dodging gravel and icy spots!

Love you all. See ya....

Jim
Posted 1/25/2007 11:39 PM (GMT 0)
Sounds like you're doing well, Jim. Glad to hear it.

Bill
Posted 1/26/2007 2:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jim,

You are doing great. Thanks again for the kegel advice. It might be helping (man this process is slow) but it definitely gives me the feeling that I am working hard to try to fix this. Having control is a big deal to me. That has been a great frustration for me throughout this entire process.

Ben
Posted 1/26/2007 2:21 AM (GMT 0)
Stay with it Ben, even a little progress puts us on the road to recovery. Incontinence was my biggest worry so I know how you feel. Whenever I have a leak, even a small one, it reminds to renew my determination to overcome these difficulties. Before surgery, I had visions of standing in front of 35 students and peeing my pants. Not a pretty sight! Thank God and Kegels that hasn't happened yet!

See ya...

Jim
Posted 1/26/2007 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Ben,

Just thought I'd put in my 2 cents. From the get-go my urologist advised me that 3 months is average to regain continence. He told me to do my Kegels religiously, and when I came back for my first PSA test he expected me to be 100% dry. It actually took me a little more than 10 weeks of the Kegels and walking to finally get dry, but it did work.

Odd how it works out; for several weeks I would be using 4-6 Depends Diapers a day. Then the next day and there after I would be dry through the night. A couple of more weeks with virtually no improvement, and the next day only 1-2 Depends a day. A few more frustrating weeks passed then Bingo! that following day I only needed a single Serenity pad, and by the 10th week I would be 98+% dry. Which as it turns out is almost exactly as the doctor had predicted.

Have confidence in those Kegels, and walk as much as you can. Soon you will be 100% dry, and back to your good old self (you're not old yet so I'll say back to normal).

Glen
Posted 1/26/2007 4:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Ben,

I had the same experience as Glen. My surgery was November 1st and I just became dry about two weeks ago exactly two months aftre having the catheter removed. My surgeon told me that on average his patients become dry at two to three months so I was right with the average. I was down to one pad a day for several weeks and then I read somehwere other then this forum that a urologist had told his patient that when you get down to one you need to gamble and go without any to really know where you are at. Apparently the thought behind this is that if you have a pad then you are programmed to not have to be continent so when you go without it you have to sub consciously react different. After reading that I decided to go ahead and gamble and although I indured a few slightly wet episodes within a couple of days I was completely dry. Hang in there as it will get better. Oh, by the way, when I did too many Kegels my leaking got worse. When I got down to one pad a day I stopped the Kegels.

Tamu
Posted 1/26/2007 11:40 AM (GMT 0)
You Da Man Jim!
So glad you are finally "dry as a bone." I know you've worked had to get where you are and you are an inspiration for all that follow you! Thanks for the good news!
Keep the shiny side up!
Your bud,
Pete
Posted 1/27/2007 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
Biker90,   Thank you for your continued updates…    your postings…. are wonderful!!! Cuddling is so important… and don’t hesitate to take the little lady for a spin across the "dance" floor!!   You touched on listening to the other breathe!!!!!!!!!   What a wonderful sound…   Looking back I don’t see where I’ve ever sent you … your very own rainbow to help move any dark clouds away.   Guess what!!!!   This one is for you!!! Keep it close!!!   This is “YOUR” rainbow ////////////////////// //////////////////////////// /////////////// ///////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////// ///// //////////////////////// ///////////////////// ///////////// ///////// ///////////////////// ///////////// ////////////////////   After reading Tamu’s posting… I’m not sure stopping Kegels is a good thing.   The little sphinter muscle needs exercise just like the rest of the body…   It w ill be interesting to see if he goes back to doing them… maybe on an abbreviated schedule.  Let us know Tamu!!  1-13 a great day indeed!!   We continue to do them and we continue to take very good care of that little sphincter muscle. A reminder to newbies…. No riding lawnmowers or riding bikes right after surgery!!!! Just a reminder. … I know some ride bikes.. but if that little guy gets damaged… I don’t even want to go there….   Just be careful!!!   Keeping you close in thoughts and prayers each and every~day. In Friendship ~ Lee & Buddy
Posted 1/27/2007 1:26 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the lovely rainbow, Lee. You are a lover!!!!

Jim
Posted 1/27/2007 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
Glen and Tamu,

Thanks for your comments on the incontinence. I appreciate your comments about it taking you 10 to 12 weeks. That makes me feel better as I am at about 7 weeks post catheter removal right now.

It can be frustrating to read about all the people who are continent as soon as their catheter comes out. It is reassuring to hear from you who are having an experience more like mine.

Thanks
Ben
Posted 1/28/2007 8:09 PM (GMT 0)
J Jim ~ I personally have so much to be thankful for.  Sharing positive strength is the gift I can and will give. I'm glad you accepted it with a warm heart!...  Lee    
Posted 1/28/2007 11:27 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Guys and Gals,

There are lots of posts to this forum dealing with impotence so I thought I would throw in my two cents worth on the subject.  My age and stage of life are different from most of you guys but, believe me, old f___s need love too!  I hope this post doesn't get too far off the topic of PCa recovery.

My wife and I have been through lots of good times and some bad times, just like all of you.  She had a hysterectomy when we were in our twenties and it decreased her sex drive.  It was a hard time for us because she thought she wasn't meeting my needs and I thought she didn't love me anymore.  We didn't resolve that issue until about twenty years later.  We just fumbled along and were very busy - she was raising four adopted kids and I was trying to make a career.  How I wish we would have had just one honest and open conversation about our feelings.

One of the ways we dealt with our situation was that we both drank a lot.  Not together.  I travelled about 80% of the time and drank on the road and she would get a bottle and hide out in the basement.  Twenty some years of that made both of us alcoholics.  (Now I know that this is not the forum for a conversation about alcoholism but it bears on our relationship today.)  In 1972 I got a couple of drunk driving tickets in a row and got thrown in jail.  This was my "bottom" and the last time I ever had a drink.  My wife drank for another year before realizing that our relationship was ready for the garbage heap.  After she quit drinking, we both got into THE 12 step program and started our recovery.

We spent several years in couple's groups and finally learned how to communicate and listen to each other.  It changed my whole ourlook as far as how I felt about her.  I learned that love-making to her was a lot different than it was to me.  Slam-bam-thank-you-maam had to be replaced with cuddling, loving words, touching, listening to each other's heartbeat and all those other soft interactions that she loved.  It was hard to do.  I would do okay for a while then lose it for a while.  There were some hard times too, raising four teenagers but our communication lines were open - for the most part.

Now back to PCa recovery.  When I was diagnosed last November, we survived the initial shock and started studying the effects of the various treatment options - like we all do.  To begin with, I had been on testosterone shots for about three years.  They helped my sex drive and kept my overall energy level up.  I was also taking Levitra because I could get it up but it wouldn't stay up long enough to finish the job.  The doc told us that the shots had to go.  No more testosterone.  That along with the news that I would probably be completely impotent for a time after surgery made us go back and take another look at our sex relationship.  Just like the first time thirty five years ago, it was scary!  (She broke the ice by saying that now I would finally get to see what she went through so long ago...)  The difference was that now we could talk openly and honestly about our feelings.  I can't imagine what those weeks would have been like if we couldn't talk about it.

A week after surgery, we decided to try having sex.  What a disaster!  I had a complete "flat tire".  Nothing.  Levitra did nothing.  Caressing did nothing.  I couldn't even beat it because it was so flat.

We had another long, open, honest conversation.  It took us back to when we first discovered that sex was more than just screwing.  We are back to cuddling, talking and listening to each other's heartbeat.  I love it!  And I love her more today that ever before for her understanding and support with PCa.  She has all the patience in the world.  I want everything right now!  It will take time and this forum is so very helpful because you are so generous with you stories.  I sure wouldn't want to go through this alone.

And junior is getting some sensation back and I am sure that we will get back in the sack soon.

See ya...

Jim

Posted 1/29/2007 2:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jim,

You and your wife have survived much adversity, and it has served to make your relationship stronger. Your story of success is inspiring, and I wish both of you a speedy recovery. Now tell me how you managed to talk your wife into a bike. Does she ride too? What kind of bike is it ? Did you have a bike when you met her?

Glen
Posted 1/29/2007 2:16 AM (GMT 0)
Jim, I'm so glad that you and wife have succeeded in making your marriage work. that's what it is sometimes...work...but the love grows and we grow through that. kat
Posted 1/29/2007 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Kat. The love we have for one another flows through us and we get to keep some of it......

Hi Glen,

I have had bikes since 1949 and my wife rode alone for 20 years or so - mostly smaller Hondas etc. Her hips got bad after a while so she rode with me for another 20 years. Honda Gold Wings and Harleys. Now she can't sit on one for very long so I ride alone or with some friends and my kids. Most of them ride Harleys because they are Yuppies..... I had to give up the big twins when my legs got arthritis. Stopping at a stop light became an adventure as to whether I was going to fall over or not - so I ride a Sportster now. She goes for short rides once in a while but no more cross country stuff. (Those days are among our fondest memories...)

Do you ride? I rode with some airline pilots for years. The described running through the twistys as "low level flying".

Jim
Posted 1/29/2007 3:28 AM (GMT 0)

That was a beautiful post Jim.  Just a coincidence, but my bride and I had a big emotional good experience today.  I'm working on how to tell you all.  It ain't easy, is it?  The thing is that many of us struggle with our relationships and are reluctant to admit it to others.  Or to each other.  I guess that it's all a work in progress.  Reluctant to admit it to ourselves, maybe. 

That's all I can manage at the moment.

Bill

Posted 1/29/2007 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
Jim, That was a great post and a good lesson for all of us! I'm really glad you wrote it. You and I are very similar in so many ways, and even though I'm younger than you, we have both struggled with a lot of the same problems. Congrad's on making it through all the low points, it's a credit to your charicter and your wife's patiants that you've been so far down the road & back again! I just hope we can survive and make our relationship as wonderful as yours has become.
Your pal,
Pete
Posted 1/29/2007 4:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jim,

All my life I have love the idea of motor cycles, and wanted to have one to ride. When I was younger my energy was spent racing cars (63' & 67' vettes) smashed one up pretty good too. Then I had a couple of fat block 442s (was luckier with those). I have only ridden bikes a few dozen times, but I still dream of owning one someday. I already know what I want; it would be a classic 50's vintage Pan head. Gotta love the look and sound of that machine. The only thing I need to do is spend the $40k+ for a nice restored bike. If I'd kept my 63' split-window in one piece I would have been able to trade it even up, or even made a little profit.

Glen
Posted 1/29/2007 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Pete, you exposed your insides in your great posts. That seems to be the first step in healing relationships. My wife and I still have a long way to go and we will make because having PCa has made both of us aware, once again, that the most valuable thing we have is each other.

Hey Glen, good on you for being a racer! I never had that "need for speed" that is required to be good at it. I played around on dirt bikes until my boys started blowing me in the ditch. 50s model pans are kind of hard to come by unless you hit an auction or get real lucky. They are definitley a good investment no matter the price. For years you could pick one up for nothing because the Harley fad had not yet started. Now they are like gold...

Jim
Posted 2/1/2007 10:36 PM (GMT 0)
Post-op plus 8 weeks.

Well, you all know this but PROSTATE CANCER SUCKS. Excuse me for yelling. This is the cleaned up version of this post!

My testosterone level is headed for the basement and it leaves me totally beat by the end of the day at school. (I should have taken this quarter off to recover.) By the time I get through three lectures, I can hardly make it back to my office. I had to quit the T shots last November and I hope this is the bottom. I don't know how long that takes. Maybe Swim or someone can tell me where I am at in this process. I get hot flashes about 5 or 6 times a day. They are a nuisance because all of a sudden I break out in a massive sweat.

I'm still doing Kegels and haven't had a leak for quite a while but I know better than to declare myself cured. The effects of this d______ disease are going to be with me awhile.

I ordered some blue pills from that pharmacy overseas and they should be here in a week or two. The Levitra that I was on before surgery doesn't get the job done - yet. I get about half a boner with no medication and hope the pills help us get back in the sack. I know, everyone says it is too soon but by darn, I'm going to try! My brain says that its been a long time since we had sex but my body says, "What's that?". I'm intelectually and emotionally horny but physically uninterested. I'm about as confused as a 12 year old!

Well, that's it. Excuse my whining....

Jim
Posted 2/1/2007 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
Jim, I know just what your talking about. We men are made to have testosterone in us and when we don't get it, things just start spiraling down fast. I'm really sorry you have to deal w/ it! The hot flashes were bad but I'd take them over the lack of libido anyday. I guess everyone reacts different depending on your personality but sexually probably pretty similar. I just hated it! I'm still not back to were I want to be but a h--- of a lot better than I was when my T was low. I feel for you brother. Maybe Swim knows of some vitamins or supliments that might help you. Swim, are you around??? Jim needs some help w/ T!!!
She was a lifesaver for me. she knows alot about it as you probably already know. Good luck Jim and hang in there, it still beats the a dirt hole!
Your friend,
Pete
Posted 2/2/2007 1:55 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Pete,

Its nice to know there's someone in this leaky boat with me. We can take turns bailing.

See ya buddy...

Jim
Posted 2/2/2007 2:01 AM (GMT 0)
hey guys, I'll help you bail... I'm a sexually frustrated wife. Jeff has been "taking care" of me, but I sure do miss the old fashioned way! Jeff just said the other night if he knew it was going to be this long (and we did know but maybe didn't believe?) we would have had sex all night long before the surgery. :) let's all hang in here together.....kat
Posted 2/2/2007 4:24 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Kat,

Support from you and Pete and the rest of the folks here on HW have me feeling a lot better than I did this PM. My sweet wife gave me some hugs and kisses and that always perks me up. (No, not enough for sex - yet.) We are determined to leave this world together and whoever finds us will have to pry us apart!

See ya...

Jim
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