My turn to vent about people not getting it

Yesterday, me and the family went over to my MIL's house for her birthday.  My SIL lives with my MIL and she can be a bit on the brunt rude'ish side.  She is so odd that sometimes she can be super sweet and caring then the next time you see her, she can be snitty.  No, she's not exactly my favorite of the hubby's side of the family.  Anyway, a while ago when I didn't know what the heck was wrong with my back we were talking and stuff.  So I brought up that I now know what is wrong with me.  Before I had a chance to tell her, she asked - "What? That you're a hypochrondiac?"  I couldn't help but to feel bit ticked over that.  She said it in a joking manner but still, it bothered me.  So then I proceeded to tell her no that I WISH it was the case of just being a hypochrondiac!  She doesn't seem to understand that more then ONE thing can be wrong with an individual and still be walking and talking. It just annoys me to no end.  She understands my Uc but not all the things that come along with it.  I'm half tempted to say to her that the next time she complains of her constipation issues or her severe menstrual cramps that it's all in her head and that the constipation and pain she feels is not real.  But I won't stoop to her level. Maybe I should?!?

Ok, vent over for now.

Although it would feel good to tell her that next time she doesn't feel well I know you won't. But I do have to say that the first word that popped into my head while I was reading that started with a B and rhymed with itch!
As if we didn't have enough to worry about it comes down to US to be understanding with people who don't get it, instead of the other way around :(
James

Yeah, I know I won't say anything like that but boy would I ever like to! I get so darn frustrated though! She's like one of those people that needs a good verbal kick to get her to understand things but even then sometimes if it doesn't fit into HER logic, then it can't be true.

Sherry, I can totally relate......my brothers wife is the same way, you never know what you are going to get and so unfortunately she can hurt feelings and i've decided that 50% of the time I will like her and the other 50% of the time I wont........I basically don't say anything to her about anything, I keep it as light as possible, change subjects, anything. I know I wont change her mind and she wont change mine, so I do anything I can not to have a real conversation with her.

Though I still have to 'put her in her place' every now and then when she tries to make decisions about my mother when that is up to me and my brother. By all means she can complain to my brother all she wants (she doesn't do anything) but I wont listen to her, it would be like my husband calling my brother to complain about my mother, that would be the last thing either of them would want or do (and the stuff we do for her is not that bad, my brother agrees but my SIL........another story). Sorry I digress.

I would just tell her next time she says anything about you being a hypochondriac that you wish you were making it up and if you were you would just use menstrual cramps as an excuse b/c that would be easier to pull off. Make her look bad..........I am kind of eeevil, bwhahahah!

She's definitely in a bad place and has the need to not allow others to suffer as much as she is.....

I'd confront her and state that her comments don't help and that it's unfortunate she feels the need to be so mean. Joking is a way to be vicious in a more accepting way by the person who is saying them.

Never tolerate rudeness by others....curious...was your husband there?

quincy

The next time she insults you, tell her that it hurts you and you do not apprieciate the way she talks to you. Make her feel like and a**

Keep your chin up, you are better than her

I absolutely love my MIL, she's an awesome lady but she picks her battles. She has seen me in action before because I do have a tendancy of saying things before thinking it out - yes even to my SIL on occasion. It slips out! But I would say I see my SIL about once a month or so, depending on the situations. And it doesn't matter if my hubby is in the room or not, my SIL has no tact and doesn't care who sees her in action!

I have a wonderful sil also..........After 15 years of putting up with her crap, I decided to write her a nice long letter. I explained to her what a ..... (rhymes with witch) she is. And I told her alot of things that I wanted to tell her over the years. I also explained to her that the reason I was writing the letter instead of having this discussion in person was because I didn't want to be interupted by her, therefore not being able to tell her exactly how I felt about her. We had alot of issues, dealing with my mil, fil and ancient aunt (who never married or had kids). Basically all the responsibility was left to my husband and I. I ended up taking care of 80% of what needed to be done, because my husband works very long hours. Whenever we would call her and ask her to do something for the parents, she would say she didn't have time..........So, basically I really let her have it in the letter, ending it with "You call yourself a daughter?" She wasn't too happy with me which made me REAL happy. She went into my husband's work place and asked him if he knew about the letter that I sent her. Then she had the nerve to tell my husband that I am unstable. He started screaming at her and she ran out of the building. It was quite hillarious. I felt so much better after sending her that letter. I let her know exactly how I felt about her. She has really changed her tune since then. Letter writing can work well, maybe your sil should receive a letter. Don't let her get you down, I'm sure she's not a strong enough person to handle the health issues you were dealt...........Good Luck with the WITCH with a B.

My MIL, since deceased, once had her pastor call my husband and try to lay a guilt trip on him for not visiting her often. She lived in Wisconsin, we live in Texas. She knew I was very sick (I was in a terrible flare at the time, could barely get ten feet from the bathroom.)

Hubby kept a civil tongue, but told the pastor that he'd be doing well to stay out of family business, that he didn't know everything that went on in families and he didn't need to be interfering. Then he called his mother and told her if he ever heard from anyone again that she'd been whining when she knew very well why we couldn't travel, we'd never come to her house again.

End of problem.

I love how you put that there can be more than one thing wrong with a person and they can still be walking and talking.  I feel like people are constantly doubting my illness because I don't look sick.  It's so frustrating to not be able to (or want to) explain the hoops we have to jump through sometimes to make an appearance at functions and family events.  I would never dream of being a "no show" at a family event and will do whatever it takes to be there (popping Immodium, etc).  My SIL is constantly "sick" with food poisoning or the flu or some other mysterious illness and is always canceling on family get togethers.  It irritates me so bad that I'm the one who is really sick and I'm always there and have never canceled.  Grrrrr!

Disco, it's not my Uc she doubts because I have been part of this family for over 20 years - 16 of that with Uc. It's all the other things that are wrong with me such as my severe allergies, Raynauds, trigger fingers, cyst in my finger joints, Sacroiliitis and spinal stenosis that she doesn't seem to get. Like I would WANT my back to be a painful mess??? Like I WANT my hands to turn colors and feel like they're in boiling oil after being cold? Like I WANT my fingers to lock up on me in a painful claw? THAT is what she doesn't get thru her thick skull. WHY would I want to make these things up? Ya know?

Glamourgirl, that is exactly what my SIL does! She complains when no one comes to her various parties but then she doesn't show up herself to others! She is always making excuses as to why she can't make it. Even at my worse, I ALWAYS try to make it. I think I can count on one hand the few times in which there was absolutely no way I could make it to a family function. Boy, ya gotta love family eh? lol