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UC and low sex drive

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Posted 7/24/2008 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi i have another problem too, i'm hoping someone could give me an answer to. Since i was diagnosed with uc nearly 3 years ago i have had little or no sex drive. It is becoming a real problem as me and my husband were so close you couldn't tell one from the other, now he's lucky if i'm up for it once a month, sometimes less! poor man i can hear all you blokes saying, but i just don't know how to make it better. Now, my question is, could it be the uc or could it be the meds i take, i'm on colazide, azathirioprine and remecade infusions HELP!!!

thanks

MIMBOT xx 

Posted 7/24/2008 8:59 PM (GMT 0)
Oh I definitely know what you mean. A lot of the times it's just because I am worried that my stomach will start to hurt and I'll have to stop to go to the bathroom (killing the moment) or I'll have gas or something, and these fears most of the time just keep me from even being able to get in the mood. Then there's the general fatigue and aches from the disease and the medication which certainly doesn't help. And overall, it's hard to feel sexy with a "poop disease". :(
Posted 7/24/2008 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
mimbot, how old are you? Have you had your horomones checked recently....especially thyroid? Could be something besides the UC. YOu could get the blood test done to rule it out. I know how frusterating intimacy can be, and I wish you all the best. I can not comment on the drugs, I am not on those, but I am sure someone else can. Good luck on gettin lucky
Posted 7/24/2008 9:04 PM (GMT 0)
Blimey thats the quickest reply ive ever had! i must have started something here! Thats exactly how i feel but my husband just doesn't get how painful 'it' can be when you have trapped wind etc.......

So... any tips on how to resolve this horrible problem thats driving a wedge between us!

cheers miriam x

Posted 7/24/2008 9:07 PM (GMT 0)

I am only 31 and should be at my peak so to speak! it's also my 4 year wedding anniversary today and i'm sitting on here and my husbands at work. I suppose thats not a good start. Thanks for the advice i will see my gp about thyroid tests,

thanks again

miriam x

Posted 7/25/2008 12:14 AM (GMT 0)
Gas X works for me too. Is there a time when you feel better in the day. I feel awful in the morning, so "sexytime" is always at night. You may want to try to do it then...I know it is not very romantic to plan a time of the day, but whatever works!! My husband is great about not pushing me when I am feeling lousy, but when I am Ok, there are no excuses on either of our parts. Now get busy getting busy
Posted 7/25/2008 12:46 AM (GMT 0)
If its gas that's your biggest concern, maybe try some yoga beforehand. Doing postures where you stomach is on the ground can help break up the gas, and doing twisting postures can sometimes help you release it. If you're totally new to it, you can google yoga postures for colitis. In fact, I just opened a new tab to do that and came up with these results (all of these postures I've done before): http://www.helpforibs.com/yoga/poses.asp#poses

EDIT:  I have to add, I totally relate to what you're saying.  I'm supposed to feel like getting it on after shoving three enemas up my bum every day?  Please.  That said, sometimes it takes some extra effort for both partners and a little creativity, too.  ;-)  Good luck!  You're not alone on this one!

Posted 7/25/2008 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
You're definitely not alone on this. I agree with a lot what is said above - try to avoid gas-causing foods and take what you can to help it if you get it. It also helps if you get on all fours and rock back and forth. You'll look silly so don't let anyone see you. :) All in all I can say my drive is less than 50% of what it was before I first started having symptoms. Hang in there, it is doable.
Posted 7/26/2008 6:05 AM (GMT 0)
me.. same boat.
we're lucky if we do it once a month.
i mean, the 2 passages share a really thin membrane and on one side its all sore and inflammed.
ouch.
most of the time its cuz im too cramped up in pain to do anything.
the rest of the time, i just dont have a sex drive.
i even have like 5 magazines (penthouse letters) in the bathroom that i always read.
stupid disease has to go an ruin everything.
boo
Posted 7/26/2008 1:00 PM (GMT 0)
Kazygirl, I can so relate. Funny coincidence - last night my hubby asked if I wanted to watch some, uh, adult entertainment. I thought about this post and my own advice (which I frequently ignore), and I said, "Sure, what the hell." Boy, am I glad I did. ;-)

Sometimes I think its a matter of catching it (sex) at the right time. When he asked, I happened to not be having any pain and had had a really good day. In the future I'll be more conscious of jumping on those opportunities, because I just never know when I'll feel that good again.
Posted 7/27/2008 10:29 AM (GMT 0)
haha, yeah, ive done the whole "honey, i think im okay for a few minutes, hurry and get in here" thing.

i always ask first "are you gonna be quick?"  cuz im afraid if it goes too long it will hurt or i will have to stop or something.

jeez, what a mood killer.. i should stop saying that. haha.

ima go get me some ****!

 

Posted 7/27/2008 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks guys, my sex drive hasn't improved but my sense of humour has, you've all made me smile so much. i think we are all in the same boat, what a crap one it is!! i know what you mean about the mags in the toilet, i spend a fortune each week! no advice from anyone but thanks for making me laugh about all your bedroom antics!

THANKS AGAIN!

Mimbot x

Posted 7/28/2008 1:38 PM (GMT 0)
Oh no you aren't alone. I married almost 7 years ago now and we were like rabbits for a while there. . . .now no desire what-so-ever! Just the thought makes me try to get into bed earlier than him so I'm asleep when he comes to bed and doesn't try anything. I feel terrible like I'm neglecting him but I just can't seem to muster up the desire to go through that. Maybe I'll try some of the suggestions above and get some reading material to see if that gets things started. . . I dunno what's wrong with me that I just don't want to. I can understand wanting to and not able to because of pains .. .I just can't even get to the "I want to" stage. Maybe it's the exhaustion, I dunno.
Posted 7/28/2008 1:41 PM (GMT 0)
i think its also the meds that contribute. its gotta be.
they do so much other bad stuff to ya.
unless of course... im wrong.
Posted 7/28/2008 1:43 PM (GMT 0)
The meds must play a role (even if its a small one). I take that anti-cramping medicine called Bentyl, and it puts me in a big fog.
Posted 7/28/2008 3:25 PM (GMT 0)
Its not just the meds young children are a instant mood killers even if you were in the mood have not yet taken rectal med so no accidents then at vital moment 5yr old wakes up with a nightmare i sometimes think UC-ers are just unlucky
Posted 7/28/2008 8:01 PM (GMT 0)
I'll second that (about kids). My toddler is giving us hell at night getting him to sleep. After two hours of battling him, my hubby and are too tired to even talk to each other.
Posted 7/28/2008 8:59 PM (GMT 0)
kazygirl...those words are banned b/c we have members as young as 13 on this site.
Posted 7/28/2008 10:59 PM (GMT 0)

Hi,

From the partner perspective, Mark's interest really decreased throughout the years with UC. He was either just sick feeling, or worried always that he'd have to get up, etc..You know the drill.  Anyways, what we learned throughout this time was the true meaning of INTIMACY versus sex.  What I started to learn was that we needed to reestablish ways to connect physically, and I found that a lot of the time Mark just hurt, his body hurt, he felt gross, etc.., so we started introducing ways to make his body feel pleasure that didn't require him to feel the stress of sex performance. Plus, for me this helped because I also lost my interest b/c he did seem "Sick" a lot.  So, we started doing things like having him relax in the bath, then maybe I could rub his arms, shoulders, legs, etc...then if it struck the moment things may have lead one thing to another - but for us, we started turning off the tv., rubbing feet, maybe it would lead elsewhere.  We also, especially on my end would remind him that this back rub or whatever does not have mean sex, so that it would take that pressure off. Once we did that we really started to reconnect and it saved us as a couple. And we also introduced more avenues to share with each other more openly times of self satisfaction, so that if it wasn't together at least we weren't totally excluding each other from our sexuality - again it was more about developing our intimacy versus actual sex.  I'm trying to talk honestly and yet still be age appropriate for diverse readers.  I did actually do a post on the blog called Sex and Intimacy http://ucstory.wordpress.com/2008/07/03/sex-and-intimacy/  because it was such a long learning process for us to learn how to be an intimate couple realistic with his health issues. 

Posted 7/29/2008 8:58 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Mark and Megan for your support, your words really opened my eyes about things. The pressure of sex doesn't really have to be there does it? I find that if it's been a couple of weeks or so my husband starts to drop more and more hints about it, then it starts to build up in to something more than it should be, I know he should understand that i'm ill and very tired, may I also say that i have 2 very active daughters under 5 that wear me out all day while he's at work. I know this shouldn't be an excuse as he's tired from work but i'm sure any woman with small children and uc will tell you the same, it's exhausting! I really thought that the remecade infusions were the answer to my prayers, but it doesn't seem to be, which i'm also finding hard to deal with. So i shall suggest we try other things to try and take that pressure off me as i'm getting more stressed as the months go by,

thanks again

Mimbot

Posted 8/15/2008 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
have sex anyway...it will relax you. i feel better always after.

Posted 8/27/2008 1:31 PM (GMT 0)
hello everyone! i am new to this, but i just wanted to jump right in..i was diagnosed with UC about 3 years ago, it has been rough since then, but im working through it! anyways, i have recently gotten married within the year, but i have started to notice, that my sex drive has been extremely low! does anyone else have this problem, or any suggestions? i just get like anxiety issues when we do try, and wasnt sure if this was a normal this with UC...any input would be great! thanks!

 

im currently on Asacol...

 

thanks :)

Posted 8/27/2008 1:45 PM (GMT 0)
From what other's have said, yes it's normal. Try talking with your mate and help them understand the anxiety. I sat down and showed my husband the things others have said and it's helped us some. He's now working more on the soft caressing without sexual pressure and it's helping. I'm noticing that I'm not getting the instant anxiety feeling like i have to perform while in pain but instead I can sit back and enjoy being close. It's a slow process but we're working on it.

I think for him knowing that I want to work on it has helped him feel better about not getting physical as often because he knows I care enough to keep trying alternatives until I'm comfortable enough to be physical.

Make sence?
Posted 8/27/2008 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
I have a healthy sex drive.. Sex helps release those endorphins...
Posted 8/27/2008 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
...thanks it does make sense--it just seems like my body has been going through a lot and that just adds more stress to me! i just recently got out the hospital bc the uc caused me to have kidney stones, so i had about 3 surgeries and finally am getting a little better! so all of that including my UC has made it very difficult for us to be intimate!!

talking does help us--but getting him to understand is the issue, so we are just taking it one step at a time...but thanks for your reply :) i appreciate it! this is the first time ive been on one of these things, but it seems that it will be easier for me to deal with things since i know other people go through the same thing!
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