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Terrible day, can't stop crying

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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 1/1/2009 9:08 AM (GMT 0)
I can't imagine letting him go, under any circumstances. I will stay to work things out because I love him. I wish I could get into more details about my past but he really did save me from something terrible and as tough as it is sometimes I know its real and I don't think our time is up. Like I said, he has really been there through some of the hardest things I've had to deal with. As much as I need him when I'm dealing with somethings, I know I can't force him to be comfortable with me being sick right away. Its so different for us because we pretty much had to accept it on the spot and we live with it so we learn how to cope...I'm trying so hard to be understanding of the fact that maybe he just doesn't get it yet and hes young so maybe hes scared...I'm going through so so much right now. I know that I ALWAYS have my parents, but the fact of the matter is they drive me insane by constantly worrying. Although it might be fake, he puts on this facade of being a tough guy there to take care of me and its 100% comforting to me actually its really all thats comforting because my mom gets super emotional and starts to make me nervous and my dad doesn't listen well or thinks he knows better and we end up arguing. I just wish that those times when I'm super sick and hes there to comfort me, spilled over into regular life when I need to just talk about it because hes the only one I want around to talk. I want him in my life forever I told him that tonight and I told him I felt that he wouldn't do that because of the fact that I'm sick and I mentioned that when we fight its only ever over the fact that I can't do the things that he likes to do...just yet. He told me I was being absurd that he wouldn't leave me because I was sick...so thats a start, right?

I hope everyone had a happy and healthy holiday season!!
Posted 1/1/2009 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
     Just read over some of the posts here, not all of them, so forgive me if I ask something that has been mentioned.  Just how old is your boyfriend?  I read where you are 21, which is quite young.  I feel very bad for your sufferings.  I didn't get UC until I was 52 but looking back I did have IBS issues for years.  If you intend to spend your life with this boyfriend I think you should both take a step back and try to see yourselves 10, 20 and even 30 yrs into the future.  Is he willing to ALWAYS be by your side because UC is a chronic lifelong illness unless you have you colon removed.  Marriage is a life commitment.  My husband was never one to deal with illnesses, hated going into visit people in the hospital.  However, he sure came through for me when I got sick.  This last hospitalization I had (May 3rd thru 13th), I wasn't sure I was going to make it.  He even emptied my bloody portapot I had by my bedside, which sure wasn't pleasant.  Your boyfriend seems to be there for you at times and at other times not.  I think it is immaturity issues.  Is going to bars that important to him?  Much more to life than that dear.  What if children enter into the picture?  Is he going to be resentful and still want to hang at the bars with his friends?  Lots of things to iron out there.

Posted 1/1/2009 3:12 PM (GMT 0)

There are a lot of great comments and suggestions but we don't really know you very well.

I would say that communication is the best if you really love this guy.  Just remember LOVE is accepting the person EXACTLY as they are - faults, etc.  Been married 46 years and my husband has some faults I have learned to live with for sure.  We have had issues from cleaning the house, money, sex, etc. etc. but were always able to talk it over and be VERY honest. 

You will work it out if it is meant to be!  You both have a LOT of growing up to do. I was 21 when we got married and no way did I know him very well - just lucky it worked out because we loved each other and we are very compatible.

Just to add - he does not like to talk about my UC but supports me always.  He has lung cancer now and we do talk about everything - living, dying, chemo, etc. - it is important. 

ElaineNY

Posted 1/2/2009 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
Just imagine the FREEDOM you'll have if you only have to take care of yourself, and not worry about his expectations. You would be able to do whatever you want, whenever you want! You can still go out, but when and where you want. I bet you relax and your gut does, too.
Posted 1/4/2009 6:04 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for all of the answers--comments, concerns.
It seems we've run our course, or hes running away because things with my health aren't going so well. I know that I need to take care of myself, my health should be my number one priority and for him its taken the back seat. It is awful I know, but I'm okay with it...I wanted him to be okay, to understand, and to not be scared above me being healthy, above anything. However, I think I failed at that. He says we've reached our peak and I can do nothing in the world except respect his wishes. I'm young I knowwwwww, but I love him dearly he's been the one I've run to at the end of the day every day for the last year--even if he wasn't there to talk about it, he was still there and still mine and thats the only thing in the world I needed. I guess now I just need for him to be happy as much as I'm hurting (heart and gut..lol)
Posted 1/4/2009 2:40 PM (GMT 0)

Sounds like you are ok for now.  If when you get together with your boyfriend you feel a overwhelming calm, happiness - then you are fine!  You can come here for support - friends, relatives, etc. and to him for LOVE.  (all these words of wisdom from a woman who has been married to same man 47 years - not always perfect but always LOVE). 

ElaineNY

Posted 1/4/2009 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
how can you say you love someone but just choose to walk away from them?
could it be the loss of control, that you're afraid to lose someone to something else so you end it yourself before anything has a chance to happen?
or that you're just unwilling or unable to face reality? that sometimes we can't control things.
is it easier to leave someone you love then to accept and deal with a lifetime of illness?
Posted 1/4/2009 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Picco, and my sypathies to your suffering, if its not enough that you are unwell. The devil in me says to ask your boyfriend to take a course of piccolax, the treatment you have before a visit for an endoscopy, then see if he understands.Only truely you can understand a person if you walk in their shoes for a day (something that was said by a red indian i believe)
ROB x
Posted 1/4/2009 7:12 PM (GMT 0)
If someone who says they love you can be so insensitive to your issues then clearly they don't love you enough or they love themselves too much. UC and other disease is the utlimate test of ones patience and love for their partners for both sufferer and the partner. I feel sad reading some of the stuff on here.
Posted 1/4/2009 7:22 PM (GMT 0)
Your boyfriend has a right to choose a partner who is healthy and not to want to be committed to someone who doesn't fit his lifestyle. You aren't married,...

You have to respect that, no matter how much it hurts you....that's the reality of life. You're young, and trust me that you will find someone who will love you back as you deserve.

Now, he doesn't have a right to belittle you or demean you because of your health situation.  Right there is a clue that he is an insensitive person...not the type you need.  Your love for him might be confused for security if you accept his lousy attitude toward you.  Please don't take his motives for an active lifestyle as a reflection on your personality or to be stored for self-punishment of your character or self-worth.  He's not worth it in the long-run.  Take it as a life experience and learn from it.

People fall out of love for all sorts of reasons....allow it to hurt for a while, then make other options for your life experiences to continue, grow, expand and find interests and other friends as well as yourself.  You seem to be a very accepting person....a very good quality to have.

There is not only one person in this world for each of us....love and commitment isn't for everyone. Not making an excuse for him...cut the cord and if you love him, you'll let him get on with his life, because he has a lot of growing up to do.

quincy

Posted 1/4/2009 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
quincy is right. you need to move on. There are many fish in the sea. But, you hang out here, you can cure your UC and then flip it in his face!! He does not seem to me to be a kind and supportive man. He will want your support, but he doesnt give back? Hello?? Let him go.
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