miserable, but not sick (rant)

And because I am not "sick" he keeps me on the same meds even though they are not working well anymore.  

For the last year and a half I have been stuck in a flare of varying degrees of miserable-ness.  I get better for a few weeks or a month then I get bad again.  I go into see the GI every two - three months with the same old story and he just gives me the same old response. 

My UC symptoms have been revving up the last month and I now have blood and mucus over ten times a day (including at least three times at  night), every time I pass something whether it be bm, blood or mucus, it is a sickening painful event.  I feel raw, sore and tired.  Everyone here on this board knows what I mean.  I am in midst of substantial flare.  Rowasa which is usually really wonderful is not helping much because I cannot keep it in for more than one hour and a half. 

I have had this GI since 2005 and I have never called him.  I have always sucked it up and waited until my regularly scheduled appt. even if I was flaring significantly.  I thought that if I didn't call for every little thing, he would understand that if I did call, it was because I was feeling really badly.

So I called him today.  Or rather I called his nurse.  I told her I thought I should try something stronger such as a steriod foam enema.  She is a sympathetic lady and I like her, but she was definetely in a hurry and I didn't get a chance, I don't think, to really communicate how awful I was feeling.  She talked to doc and called me back with  the instructions from my GI to keep taking all the current meds, but to take them more often and to "just try harder to keep the rowasa in". 

Since he wouldn't deign to speak with me personally, I don't know if he even considered my request to try something stronger.  I don't want a lot of side effects, however, after a year and a half of flaring almost continuously, I am ready and desperate to try just about anything, but according to my GI, I am not really sick, but apparently just being a big old baby, about my pesky colitis. 

I don't think I have ever felt as frustrated and sad about this dd than I do today.  I just feel locked in by UC and that there is no escape and I have never felt that before.  And I abhor my GI for his contribution to  making me feel this way. 

Sorry for the rant, but I am just that upset.  No one else would understand.

You are your own best health care advocate. If you feel uncomfortable with your doctor's manner or remarks, are dissatisfied with your care, aren't getting responses or action in a timely manner, it's up to you to make your voice heard or to find care somewhere else. If you don't stand up for yourself, chances are no one else will.

Thanks folks - for the sympathy and a few kicks in the butt (princesa!!!).  I am generally a tough old broad, but this particular disease turns me into a weenie in many areas of my life. 

I am definitely getting a new GI, but since it will take a while to find one and even longer then to get an appointment, I am stuck with my current GI for now unless I can think of something else to do.  I keep getting worse.