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Telling someone you have UC.

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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 2/17/2009 10:17 PM (GMT 0)
I meet someone recently that I really like but am having all sorts of problems telling her that I have UC.  I feel so awkward discussing it that it feels like I have some sort of terrible secret that I'm hiding.  Does anybody else get this way?  I know it's been discussed a million times before on this site but I have never, ever in my life have to deal with something like this before and am having all sorts of trouble.  I'm afraid that once I tell her, she'll run away.  Any tips on what I should do or say?  I'm at a lost on what to do.

Thanks....

Posted 2/17/2009 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
Maybe ease into it. First that you have some problems with digestion, that you need to use the bathroom more than most people. Later refer to it as colitis, sometimes people know what that is. Then later still maybe talk about the medicines you have to take, because it is a chronic condition. Resist the temptation to dump the whole thing and the undignified details on her all at once, or to tell her when you're feeling the need for sympathy.

Just my thoughts. Good luck!
Posted 2/17/2009 11:45 PM (GMT 0)
I find that if I tell someone that I can't eat this or that, they feel rejected, like I'm rejecting the things they eat. But if I tell them that I have Colitis and I can bleed out my butt if I eat something wrong, then they get it.

Everyone (except for my previous manager) has been very supportive of my condition. It's not like I have a disease that they can get from me. I can think of worse things.

Yes, you don't need to dump all the gory details at once. Somethings I think about my Colitis 24/7, even when I'm not flaring. I really need to find other topics to talk about.
Posted 2/18/2009 1:01 AM (GMT 0)
simply let her know you have a stomach disease. and that no its not deadly... it is inconvienent. and It limits what ya can eat. But it is bearable and you can function just fine with some mild limitations.
I would be 100 percent honest up front... ya don't need to share all the gory details right away, but be honest. If she knows, then hopefully she can understand. But if she doesn't know... then its just a mystery or she thinks your hard headed and not being flexible to her wants. Make sense?
Good luck and successful huntin. LOL
Posted 2/18/2009 2:01 AM (GMT 0)
I agree, little by little. Just tell her you have to be careful about your diet. After some time has passed and if things start to get a little more serious, explain the medication, and once you're comfortable, you explain the details. Whatever you do, don't give her any indication that it's something you can't handle on your own.
Posted 2/18/2009 2:52 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe ask her if she's ever heard of it, there's a better chance now that she may have heard of it or even knows someone eles with it (maybe she has it, you never know), start the conversation like you would any other, then it won't seem as "scary" for you or her, just bring it up casually like by starting with "does anyone in your family have a chronic or inflammatory illness?" something like that.

Trust me, if she's worth your time, you won't scare her away by sharing with her, if it does scare her away then she likely isn't worth your time.


:)
Posted 2/18/2009 5:30 AM (GMT 0)
you want to know how i told my future wife...
we were in the car on the way to her parent's house and she got pulled over for speeding...
the cop was taking forever and my adrenelin was pumping due to the situation...
UH OH...i knew the feeling- I was going to have to go!
I jumped out of the car (stupid) and walked slowly back to the cop...I told him i had a medical issue and may need to go in the bushes...
he was cool and i didn't end up needing to go, but the discussion with my future wife in the car after was interesting...she didn't care that I had Crohn's...she was pissed I kept it from her for so long...
I had hidden it from even her for years!
I recently made the decision to "come out of the closet" regarding my Crohn's/UC...changing diagnosis and will now be telling anyone/everyone who cares...
Good luck with your decision but my advice would be sit down, get her hammered and then tell her...JUST KIDDING!!
In all seriousness sit down explain it and maybe even grab some brochures or a book for her to learn more.
Posted 2/18/2009 9:40 AM (GMT 0)
I never intended to but because my first flare was so severe that it required hospitalization, pretty much everyone in my life found out one way or another. Good or bad, I felt like the cat was already out of the bag and not that I proactively offered it up for no reason, but what's the big deal of one more person knowing. Particularly now that I'm in my mid 30's, I find that everyone I interact with has had some kind of malady impact them or someone they love already, and reaction has been nothing but positive. But I do agree with a few of the others, if you want to feel out the situation - bring it up as a "digestive issue" at first and let the explanation grow over time as your relationship does.
Posted 2/18/2009 11:54 AM (GMT 0)
When you explain it to her, just don't use the word "Disease", it makes the condition sound contagious. Good luck!

Posted 2/18/2009 1:47 PM (GMT 0)

Are you dating this girl, or do you just want to date her?  If you are dating her, I would tell her.  But in a sugar-coated way.  Like.....most of the time, it doesn't affect me, I just have to be very careful about what I eat and make sure I take my medications.  She doesn't need to know anything else until you are getting serious (or until you have an attack while with her).  If you just want to date her, I would tell her up front and give her all the details so that she knows what she is getting in to.  Most people I know would not let it affect their decision on wether or not to be with someone they really like.  Good luck and keep us posted.

And everyone I know-friends or not-that know I have UC are very supportive and don't care at all if I have to get up and leave to go to the bathroom, and they are not offened if I don't eat  something. 

Posted 2/18/2009 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so incredibly lucky to have the one I do because we live in Japan and because I can't speak the language, she has to come with me to the hospital. I feel so bad that I can't take care of this on my own here, but she has been more than patient and I thank God for that.

Basically, she knows everything and has been supportive. But if the tables were turned, I would be at her side whenever she needed me.
Posted 2/18/2009 4:27 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks for all the great advice!  This forum is a life saver!

You guys are right.  It probably would be too much for her if I was to tell her everything about UC all at once.  Maybe over time I'll let her know about my issues and what exactly UC is.  Hopefully she'll understand.

But, she wants to go out for Mexican food this weekend so I might have to tell her about UC sooner than I would like too...lol

Posted 2/18/2009 6:24 PM (GMT 0)
I was with my fiance when I was initially diagnosed so I had never faced this predicament. I do sympathize, however. I do think that honesty is the best policy. I would tell someone that I am dating that I have an illness that could kill me or lead to cancer. It is not contagious, however, but rat studies do show that animals in close proximity tend to acquire the condition. If she sticks around then she might be the one.
Posted 2/18/2009 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
You are kidding right? To say it could kill you or lead to cancer is rather alarmist.
So could walking down the street talking on a cell phone.

We all die sometime, from something.
Posted 2/18/2009 8:46 PM (GMT 0)
I just say I have stomach problems, if they say "oh like ibs?" I say, "yea that's it".
Posted 2/21/2009 4:16 AM (GMT 0)
I guess you would have to feel out the person.  There is this girl I really like and I pretty much just told her: "Hey, I have UC".  She actually got more inquisitive about it even looked it up and we discussed it even more.  I am pretty comfortable telling people about it.  I just don't care anymore.  If they don't want to talk to you or be associated with you because of it then you know what, they aren't worth it to begin with.  I hate the feeling of walking on eggshells when it comes to telling people this that is why I just come out and say it.  That is just me though.  I wish you the best of luck and I am sure it will be fine.  Who knows, maybe she has it too! 

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