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Husband finally opened up (See post confused about colonoscopy results)

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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 6/7/2009 11:42 PM (GMT 0)
My husband finally opened up after I started crying about him not being supportive. He is scared, he is thinking about things that haven't crossed my mind yet, like cancer and poo bags. I told him not to kill me off before I even have a diagnosis.

I don't want to wait 3 weeks for my biopsy results, so I am calling the Dr office tomorrow and asking when for sure will have the results and can they call me with them instead of me having to wait. I am also going to ask if I can get an appointment sooner than 3 weeks so I can start feeling better sooner than later.

I don't want to switch Drs if I don't have to, he is good and takes time to talk to me, and the next closest one is an hour drive from me, and I don't even know if he is a good Dr. or not.
Posted 6/8/2009 12:19 AM (GMT 0)

Glad you and your hubby were able to communicate about this.  I know after being married 48 years that it is hard to open up sometimes and tell our spouse our fears, etc. 

Good luck and try to relax until you actually know the answers!

ElaineNY

Posted 6/8/2009 12:33 AM (GMT 0)
Thats so good he was able to talk about it! My husband still has a hard time talking about our son's UC and its mostly for the same reasons. He's afraid of what might happen but thinks that if we talk it will just make it worse. I'm sooooo the opposite and need to talk about everything!

As long as you are comfortable with your doctor right now then I wouldn't switch. We've done that before and it took us even longer to get some answers. Just hang in there hun and all of the best luck to you!
Posted 6/8/2009 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
Silly boy! I can understand his concerns, but living with a poo bag isn't all that bad, I hear. And very few people with UC die from it, and even though our chance of getting colon cancer is somewhat higher, I actually view it as not being that big of a deal since we get colonoscopies more often, so it's likely going to be caught earlier. Anyway, I hope that he's a bit more supportive now! Maybe have him look at the ccfa.org website. I think there's some good info on there for families of UC/Crohn's people.
Posted 6/8/2009 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
That's good that he was willing to show his sensitive side. My boyfriend always says how I am being a baby and that I exaggerate and that I am "fine". He even goes so far as to say that my doctor told him I am fine, which I know she didn't because he never spoke to her when I wasn't there - I would remember that. I am definitely not fine and I was in really bad health a few months ago. I could barely make it across the room without passing out from weakness. He says I make that up. I offer up my bloodwork for proof but of course it's never enough. You're lucky that he is willing to be open and wants to be supportive of you. Whatever happens you guys will get through it together. I am sure you will get good results and your fears will disappear. Really surgery isn't the end of the world, most people who have had surgery have never looked back and enjoy life more after.
Posted 6/8/2009 1:57 AM (GMT 0)
It doesn't surprise me that he's scared and I don't blame him for the fears he mentioned (cancer, osotmy bags) it's very natural to have fears of those things even if cancer is found and cured and lets face it, most people don't like the idea of having a crap bag hanging off their bodies let alone their partners so he has every right to feel the way he feels, afterall feelings are neither right or wrong. It's great he opened up to you about it all, good communication is key now you know he cares and is scared, not insensitive and mean. Lots of people deal with cancer and "bag's" everyday (their partners included), some people learn that they can deal with those issues fine, others can't, it is what it is, lots of people here at HW have gotten divorced and gone through relationship break-ups over the yrs and many of them have found new partners in life that deal with their IBD issues just fine.

:)
Posted 6/8/2009 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
I feel SO lucky to have a good husband. We have not been married that long and I got sick about 1-2 years after we got married. I felt so bad about it, especially since his first wife had a long illness and died when she was fairly young. I told him he should have married a younger woman.  turn       He takes it in stride that I have to make mad dashes for bathrooms sometimes because of my stomach. We are not young, so perhaps that we understand illness more than young folks. I guess I am grateful for that. I can't imagine how hard it would be to have an unsupportive spouse or family members. Hang in there.
Posted 6/8/2009 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
My hubby is totally open about my UC. He's more paranoid about the food offered at other peoples places than me. He's the first to ask questions about what's in the food before ordering it. It's nice to have a guy who worries about you.
Good luck on getting the results.

Jeanneac: Random! you were diagnosed about the same time frame I was diagnosed in the marriage. I was in the middle of my diagnosis when I celebrated my 2 year anniversary with my hubby.
Posted 6/8/2009 6:02 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, that is a coincidence about our timing, isn't it? I hate it for my husband and for me too but I count my blessings for today. It can always be worse!
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