Effects of Ulcerative Colitis on Self Esteem.

Hi, I am new to the forum. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis about a year ago and have had flares off and on, and I am currently in a flare. I have some feelings about the illness that I am curious if other people share my point of view.

While the physical pain aspects of ulcerative colitis are horrible, I would honestly say that the emotional aspects are just as bad. Now, I do not know how guys feel about the subject, but I find that being a reasonably young woman with this disease is horrible. There seems to be a double standard about woman going to the bathroom vs men going to the bathroom. A while ago I typed into "Do women" into Google, and the second dropdown option was "Do women poop", meaning a large amount of people were curious about this. People are in denial that women do in fact poop.

I think a large reason that society is like this is because women are stereotypically more associated with flowers and candy and that sort. They are graceful and feminine or strong and sexy. The thought of a woman squatting to relieve herself destroys the image many boys picture. Having ulcerative colitis in a world like this is difficult. I want to feel beautiful. I want to feel strong. But it is almost impossible to know that I singlehandedly ruin the image of women that men would rather have.

I would love to hear a man's opinion. I do not mean to say that woman have it harder or anything. There probably are aspects of the male side of ulcerative colitis that I am unaware of.

I am a female, too, but I am going to comment anyway!

You know what I have always found to be sexy and attractive to men? A strong woman with a strong mind - someone who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it - someone who enjoys life and has a lot of life in her - someone who prides herself on her brain and her success, in addition to her appearance.

Yes, UC is terrible, but it can never take any of the above away from you. So you poop more than the "normal" person. If you find a man who can't cope with the fact that you poop... then may I suggest that he isn't the right man in the first place?

I'm a man, and can't speak for all men, but I can tell you that there's nothing to hide about.

There comes a time to stop wasting time. When you find that right guy, he'll understand for sure.

Besides, we all poo, some more than others. But let me tell you this, I have a good friend with Chrones(woman), and a good friend with UC(woman) and a wife (newlywed may I add) with IBS. And she had it years before I ever had UC...never grossed me out a bit.

We all have health issues in this world. Don't sweat it and don't let it become you. You'll find an awesome guy!!

Cheers

Well I'm a youngish female and am thoroughly embarassed by this humiliating disease. I am happily married to a very supportive husband who I'm sure I totally gross out all the time all though he'd never tell me. I love going into a public restroom all dressed up with my make up on and hair done and exploding into the toilet for everyone to hear. Oh and always wearing a paxi pad so I dont mucus myself-sexy!! OH yes, its lovely.

It is extemely embarrassing at times when you are in the middle of a flare up. At one point, sometimes I couldn't even hold it and I had to change. That had to be my lowest point for me, but I've learned to carry myself with more confidence than ever before. And remember that there is a book entitled "Everybody Poops" - meaning both men and women (some just might have to more than others). Don't let IBD bring down your confidence, instead grow stronger because of it. Confidence is what ultimately makes a person attractive.

i'm a 25 yr old female who was diagnosed with uc at the tender age of 13 (but, i suffered from symptoms at 12)... and i must agree that the added humiliation, weakness, and feeling less-than-attractive for all of the uc-associated reasons have been the bane of my existence. i have always written uc off as my "cross to bare." and i know it could be much, much worse, so i try to keep this in perspective, but crap!!! i mean, of all the diseases to be laid up with, this has to be one the most degrading emotionally.

of course, all through puberty i had the usual ups and downs (and then some!) and i, like most people, constantly compared myself to others... some prettier, some uglier, some stronger, some weaker, etc. and, in the last 13 years, these comparisons have been as much of a torment to me as they have been a comfort, so i aim to be comfortable with myself alone (so far, this is still a very tall order). i am constantly struggling to find true self-acceptance. i'm thoroughly convinced that i need to take a more proactive stance against flare-ups by eating a better diet, attempting to create a minimally stressful environment and just taking better care of myself in general: and that means putting myself first before anything or anyone else. and as a woman, especially, that is not at all an easy thing to do. but, if i ever want to be well and have a decent sense of self, that's what i think it's going to take.

that would be my advice to you as well, pinkprincess: love and take care of yourself first and everyone else will fall in line.
be well.

p.s. give yourself permission to be human. others will be able to appreciate that fact if you can.

I felt extremely embarrassed when I first got sick and was diagnosed with UC, and it didn't help that I was the butt of every joke (pun intended) among my friends and family. I've come to terms with it now and am completely open about it, even with new guys I date. This is something I have to deal with for the rest of my life and if people can't deal with me dealing with it, they have no place in my life. I at least try to wait until a few dates in to mention this to men, but sometimes it happens earlier than that, especially if they notice on my FB page that I've talked about it, brought up my treatment, post pictures of the freaking needles I stick myself with...

Anyway, I guess I have to take the optimistic route here, because that's just the person I am. I know this sucks, I know steroids make you feel like an unattractive cow, pooping blood is embarrassing and having strangers looking up your butt and talking about your bms is disgusting, but look at it this way: you don't have a fatal illness (although UC can be fatal, it's generally treatable), you can hide the fact that you have it unlike patients undergoing chemo who have no hair, you may not have your health at the moment, but you do still have your life, and while it may not seem like it at times, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. So have faith and a sense of humor. Those are the two things that get me through the constant string of tragedies that is my life.

One more thing: don't joke about how you wish you had a less embarrassing disease, like say, an eye disease. I did that and a year later was diagnosed with glaucoma. No bueno! lol

I totally can understand how UC can be devastating to one's self esteem.  However with all things in life that are challenging it's how one deals with the bad times that truly defines who they are in my opinion.  At times I have loathed in self pity and guilt.  In the end I have found an inner strength to deal with this particular hardship.  It has helped me become a more sensitive and caring person and it helps me with other people's problems.  It's true that it also helps filter out the useless people that can't understand that we didn't bring UC onto ourselves.  In the end yes it tests our self esteem but for me it has only made me stronger.

MyUc

My wife is a slender, early 20 year old bombshell. She is extremely attractive, and she also has UC. At first she was extremely embarrassed to use the restroom in my vicinity. She would probably only go number 2 twice a week that I knew of.

Now with her UC she goes more than I do, which is about twice daily, she goes about 6-10 times daily. She was ashamed at first, and never liked the idea of making that many noises with her butt. She felt ugly, down, and was in a rut of low self esteem.

However with my stomach problems and bodily issues, we came together on the conclusion that we both just have our own problems.

It has been about a year now since her colonoscopy diagnosed her. about two years since the symptoms started. I can say she is at the point where she no longer really cares. She takes humor in it. I do as well. I have waited on the outside of public bathrooms for her before, watched another woman enter then leave almost immediately. There is some humor in it. She sees it as the same. She says the face some women have when a little something like herself walks out of the stall after what sounded like a jet turbine took off in the toilet is simply priceless. She even stated that a women once checked her stall after leaving almost to see if the toilet was still bolted to the floor or not.

As for the house, I have learned to deal. She gets priority over the bathroom. If we get home from a night out, I know to let her go first. Sometimes I have to go as well, but I just know it is better to let her go first. Besides I get a warm seat.

Sometimes her trips to the toilet can be a bit toxic, but there are household products out there for that. We keep Oust handy, as well as scented candles and inscents at hand in case of a methane leak.

The only advice to the matter I can give. Is keep your sense of humor strong. The moment you let your emotional instincts take over you lose. Don't think that someone will think you sound like a stinger on a VW bug, know they will think this. Accepting it is the first step I believe.

As for us guys, we can clear a toilet/bathroom just as easily. So if your guy friend thinks that you are a demon from the lower gates of hell here to kill man with toxic gas from your hiney, than well he probably never noticed anything about your personality in the first place.

Good luck with your pooping expeditions. May you keep good faith and good humor, you will need them.

If a guys ever had a serious girlfriend that hes lived with, he knows they fart and poop too. I would've thought it would be easier for women to have UC due to the fact that you guys have to squat when you go to the bathroom anyway and you can always carry extra necessities in your bags.

UC has effected me pretty bad mentally although Im unsure how much of that is the prednisone use over the years but eventually you just have to accept the fact that you have this disease and learn to cope with it. I still havent learned how to be single with UC. It gets easier with alcohol in my system but its an ongoing challenge :P

Male or female (I'm female myself) IBD kicks you in the gut, the butt and the self-esteem department, it has no discretion between M or F, it's hard on us equally for whatever reasons but mainly because it's plain old embarassing to us regardless of our gender...I know ecause my son's baseball coach has UC but he had the J-pouch surgery...before the surgery he felt exactly the same way I do about the disease (as far as self-esteem and everthing else negative related to having IBD). It's not worse for males than it is for females in the esteem department or otherwise. Neither men nor women feel sexy with this disease either.

Pinkprincesshottie, thank you for this great topic and to all those who have answered thank you too.
During my last flare I felt so down about myself and couldn't even think about being in a relationship... I was too busy being in a relationship with my UC. Now the flare is over and I feel ready to be with someone. I had a boyfriend once and I felt really embarrassed to tell him that every night I had to insert a suppository up my butt and he looked at me and said " it's just a bum." That's the type of guy every woman with UC needs. It didn't matter in the least to him. Ok, admittedly I wasn't flaring at the time and hadn't had my worst flare yet, but I always remember those words. We are all more than our UC and we need to have more faith in other people and their capacity for kindness and love.
I believe challenges like this can bring people closer - sharing scary personal things with those who are relevant in our lives creates stronger bonds and makes life more meaningful.

Anyway, that's my piece. Happy Pooping everyone!!