Just needed to vent.

I'm ready to trade this disease in for a new one...

I'm an all too ambitious person, and this disease simply doesn't want me to be so busy. I run a small business, and am trying to get a home built for myself... being the general contractor. I've done this same thing before and done okay, but this time around I swear I have 1/4 the energy of a normal person. I'm in a moderate flare, on prednisone and rowasa enemas at night. Half the time I feel good, the other half I feel completely worthless. It is so frustrating going back and forth between feeling capable of most things and feeling like all I should do is lay down.

Is the best thing to do with this disease is just rest and not do much? Sometimes that is the only thing that feels manageable.

I've had this disease over 7 years now, so you'd think I'd be used to it, but I still find it hard to know exactly what choices I should be making in my life to live with the disease, as opposed to fighting it.

I'm single and decent looking... but I am so hesitant to date. When I feel good I'm full of life, flirt, have fun and want a relationship. Then I swing back into not feeling good and am so glad I haven't taken on anything extra in my life. I've taken on things I know I'd enjoy when I feel good, and then I get feeling poorly and have to cancel. Not only is this frustrating, but people then start to think I'm afraid of commitment. Ulgh... lol.

I just needed to vent. I slept a long time last night to catch up on rest, and then tried to do a little work on my home today... and all I did was fall asleep in a chair out there. I tried to leave and had to drive right back to use the restroom. It's like a curse sometimes.

Thanks for listening. I'm not looking for pity, just wanted to post to a group that understands where I'm coming from. The people I'm around every day only know part of what it's like to deal with this. There are still times when even my best friends look at me with a look that tells me just how much they don't get what I'm going through.

Have a nice weekend everyone :)

Thank you for the reply. The first year I had this disease was rough on me too. I had just graduated high school 3 days prior to being diagnosed with UC. I wasn't sure what I was doing in college, and the prednisone I was on was giving me horrible mood swings. I quit college (and gave up a nice scholarship), and worked part time while living with my parents. It was the most reflective time in my life up to that point. Having a disease did help me filter through much of life's meaningless things, to see what was really important... so I am very thankful for that.

If it makes you feel better, the longer you have this disease the better you become at handling it. That doesn't necessarily mean it's always easier, but after a couple flares you learn that you CAN handle things, and WILL go into remission.

I'm hard on myself. Plain and simple. I push myself harder than I should... but I'm trying to do it so that my life will be easier in the near future. I'm not sure if it's worth the extra strain or not... but it's been my game plan so far, and I don't give up easily.

Some things I've learned along the way:
-Don't take Ibuprofen... it can trigger a flare.
-The doctor can prescribe medicines that help with diarrhea, which helps a person be able to go out.
-Yoga and meditation can lower anxiety, which decreases my urgency to use the restroom.
-There are people much worse of than myself... I should be thankful for what I do have.
-Rest does help calm things down. I just don't listen to this rule very well.

Something else that I discovered this spring is how good it feels to allow yourself a true break. I was in the hospital for upper jaw reconstructive surgery, and was resting in bed after the surgery. I could not do anything but rest. I was finally at a point where my only job was to make sure I was okay, instead of having to do some thing, some job. I turned on the tv to this station that played nature slides and instrumental music, and just relaxed. It felt so good to not have any responsibilities. It must be a sign that I'm a little too ambitious when recovering from surgery in a hospital felt like a vacation!

Thanks again for the reply.

Thank you Kate. I hope that you get into remission very soon.

You know... I was at a lecture on UC a couple years ago, and one of the doctor speakers said something very interesting. He said that this disease is very much related to the mental process. In clinical tests there were large numbers of people that went into remission just taking the placebo. Maybe a zen like attitude, plenty of rest... and winning the lottery (no money worries) would help induce remission? :)

Good luck.

Sometimes I just want to cry...and scream! Having this stupid disease can be so taxing...I find the emotional toll to be even worse than the physical. It's tough when you don't necessarily look sick because people can really just not get the seriousness of it. I have bad anxiety and I know a lot of it stems from have colitis and the unpredictable nature of the disease. It's hard to face that I've been dealing with this since I was 16 and that I'm going to have to deal with it forever, unless I get surgery. Sometimes we just need to vent!!! I so get that...I really wish I had someone in my circle that also has this so that we could talk about it! I mean, people are everywhere with this disease but it's not exactly something that gets talked about openly! I'm fortunate to have a wonderful support network but I do wish I had someone to talk to who knows exactly what it's like to have to worry about sh***%& your pants constantly! Haha, god. At least we can laugh about it too right?