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Posted 1/10/2012 12:14 AM (GMT 0)
Im not the type that seeks help for emotional issues, im pretty hard that way and I can take a ridiculous amount of beating, but after all I've been through it's almost like I see no end. Small vent...

22 years old, suffering from this illness for 2 years and it's been a horrible 2 years. IT has and still is wrecking my life, was in hospital for the best part of year and half. Through this lost my career, gf's at the time, physique, everything...

Now fast forwarded, and the health service in UK has failed me, I can't get pvt health due to the HUGE ridiculous sum they want for medical insurance.... So im left with the No Help Service (NHS). Who really haven't cared. Left for 2 years with severe endocrine issues, rock bottom testosterone can't have sex life etc, and to make matters worse I may be infertile as it's been left for this long... Can't hold down a relationship really, so tired, lethargic and feel dizzy all time that I can't even do day to day activities, struggle with gym then thats it. I pride myself on looking good so force myself to gym etc. Struggling financially as no one will even take me on, I studied and paid out 2,500 pounds so like $4,000? for my last of my degree for personal training and I can't even get work as (no experience) plus my illness people don't want to hire etc... Can't even go abroad as health insurance is a fortune, and even if I moved abroad to work I couldn't afford all the medical bills for this sh1tty condition...

Still rocking the same boat as I was 2 years ago, no further forward in life, stuck on tons of meds, no end to the tunnel. Alough I don't sit and tell people in general such as family as I don't want to see no psychiatrist and I don't want sympathy votes. But worst of all with these stupid conditions im like a darn lab rat, I've got so desperate to fix libido sex life etc im jabbing myself with all sorts and taking a lot of oral tabs seems to be the only thing to make me feel "slightly" better. I don't see a happy ending at all, but I can face that, it's just starting to get "tiring" only so much one can take. But there will be a lot of people on this board who are like myself, can imagine it's worse in America as you have to pay for your health, but here, really the Health service even though it's free it's absolutely terrible, nobody is interested unless you pay them.
Posted 1/10/2012 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry your feeling so poorly. It must be so frustrating to just not be able to get a doctor who truley wants to help. Are you on any medication for the depression?
Posted 1/10/2012 1:58 AM (GMT 0)
tank, I am sorry you're feeling so down. I thought you were feeling better for a while? You know I struggle with a lot of these same issues, including depression and I think it's important to get seen by a psychiatrist or psychologist just to get your feelings off your chest. It's really hard struggling with UC and we deal with so many things that other people rarely come close to understanding. It turns your whole life upside down. I started an antidepressant a while back and I think it has changed my outlook a bit for the better but I don't think medication is always the answer. See someone and see what they think. Maybe there is something you can do to help focus on the positive and look at the future in a better light? Set some goals and follow your passion. I understand what you mean about not being able to travel, I feel that way often too, like I'd love to run off to an island but then the reality is that I wouldn't be able to survive on an island because my health is up and down & I can't afford medication without insurance and I can't get insured without a job. I try not to focus on these things, it gets me down as well.
Posted 1/10/2012 1:58 AM (GMT 0)
I feel your pain - I'm constantly battling depression. I've had UC for 13 years (diagnosed at 13), and needless to say it took away what should've been the more fun, carefree times of my life. I can say, though, that life has gotten better the more time passes. I've learned to deal with things better (not just UC things) and be more comfortable with myself. That's not to say I don't feel disgusting some days... And believe me, I know all about the lethargy/low sex drive and the fear that you can't maintain a relationship. I thought the same thing for a long time... And now I'm married. My husband is understanding and supportive and I can assure you it is possible to find someone who will be for you.

Anyway, sorry you're feeling down in the dumps. This disease really sucks sometimes. It's good that you vent it all out. :)
Posted 1/10/2012 1:38 PM (GMT 0)
tank89,

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, but it's good you can vent here. All of us, having lived through the daily challenges of UC, do understand everything you're going through. And it's tough.

Before I was in remission, I felt exactly like you did. I didn't see a light at the end of the tunnel, didn't feel like life was worth living anymore... between the UC and the fibromyalgia pains which were horrendous, and the zero libido, bu then things started to turn around, I started to feel better, I ate a better and healthier diet and things turned around greatly.

You just have to find what's going to work for you, be patient, it's just around the corner.

There are 2 nutritional deficiencies which can exercabate depression: low omega 3's and low magnesium. Are you getting enough of those?

Be careful with magnesium as the oral kind can give you D, so I would recommend the transdermal kind which will bypass your gut.


 

Posted 1/10/2012 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
chronic inflammation like it happends in UC can also lead to depression.

you wrote you don't wanna see a specialist. my belief is that this is the bigest mistake you can make.

i battled depression for 3 years before starting to take medication for it. it took 2 years to put me back on track. now, when i look back i think that those 3 years when i avoided medical advice for depression i was the dumbest person around.
Posted 1/10/2012 4:58 PM (GMT 0)
I've always struggled with depression. Tried meds for it recently but found the side effects to be unacceptable so stopped and will never go on them again. I think eating a healthy diet (as good as you can with your UC acting up) and trying to get some exercise (try yoga or walking if you're able to with your flare) help. Spending time outdoors or with pets if you have them is good for depression too. I've been to several therapists over the years and none of them helped me, but they do help some people.

Post Edited (Sara14) : 1/10/2012 10:05:23 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/10/2012 5:04 PM (GMT 0)
I second the exercise suggestion - I always feel so much better after I exercise... though getting the motivation to exercise can be difficult. :P
Posted 1/10/2012 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Tank,

BTW, have you had your vit. d3 blood levels  checked recently?

Often times if they are very low, it could cause depression as well.

As far as exercise, yes, it's a great idea.

But honestly, when you are so down in the dumps it's very hard to even have enough energy just to get up, let alone exercise.

 

Posted 1/10/2012 7:28 PM (GMT 0)
tank,

I think many of us can totally relate to how you're feeling....I've had IBD for 20 yrs with no full remission and for most of the yrs my flare has been severe to severe- moderate and it totally sucks. I definitely spent 3 yrs in a severe depression (very severe if you get my drift) and the only things that helped pull me out of it was totally altering my diet (high sugar and bad fat content doesn't help depression, it makes it worse) and exercising regularly, which wasn't easy while in a severe flare but I started with baby steps and with the addition of the supplements I have listed in my sig below, things finally turned around for me emotionally/mentally and even physically...by no means am I in remisssion *I have complications with my disease that will make it impossible for me to ever gain full remission at this point* but I'll take any positives that I can get and that's what I try and stay focused on.

Life is stressful enough, add an IBD to it and it definitely takes it's toll, how you decide to deal with it mentally is the major factor in coming to terms with it all.


Best of luck and remember you're not alone in how you're feeling, physically and emotionally.
Posted 1/13/2012 7:22 PM (GMT 0)
Thx for replies. Diet is perfect really, I take care of my body greatly but I don't know what it is just getting really down. Don't want to see specialists as I don't want to take any anti-depression drugs etc not my cup of tea, and I don't like opening up to people. Just get frustrated with all this, alough I know that there are people out there worse off, I just feel at 22 (diagnosed at 20) that it's completely wrecked my life, and I have nothing going for me really... Just seem to live a sheltered life these days but nothing much I can do, no one is there to help money running lower and lower and struggling to get work etc. I wouldn't complain like I am if this hit me when I was 60 as I would have "lived my life" till then, but just feel now it's more or less making a worthless life if you get me?
Posted 1/13/2012 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
You might want to reconsider not taking Rx meds. I felt the same way, told myself I could snap out of it. I got depressed and anxious after my last flare. I finally asked for meds. I took the lowest dose of Effexor XR and started feeling better in a week. It really helped to calm my gut too. I took it for a while, then weaned myself off it no problem and have been doing great since. Hang in there.
Posted 1/13/2012 9:34 PM (GMT 0)
What UC meds are you on? As soon as you get on proper meds, I think your depression will lift. I know you had problems with the NHS, but you can't give up if you want your life back.

PS - I was diagnosed at 23 (I'm 28 now) so I know it sucks and it's not fair but there's nothing we can do about it except try to get into remission so we can have a fairly normal life.
Posted 1/13/2012 10:38 PM (GMT 0)
i know you don't want to see a specialist, and i gather it's because you you don't want to be on meds - but not all specialists will try to prescribe you medication for depression, particularly if it's related to a disease, and particularly if you stress that you don't want to be on meds! i've been in therapy ever since i got diagnosed with UC and it's been VERY helpful in improving my outlook and helping me get back in the drivers' seat of my life even when sometimes my body gets away from me... a feeling i'm sure you all know too well.... and my therapist has never once mentioned medication to me. talk therapy can be really useful and helpful, especially if you're willing to make changes/think about your situation.

actually, if you live in a major metro area or near a college town you might want to check with a local university/research center - when i first was diagnosed i saw a behavioral therapist who worked specifically with folks with chronic illness. i can't stress the importance of what she did for me - lots of talking about the disease and how to cope, but she also did some guided meditation/relaxation that i think was instrumental in helping me achieve remission.

for me it's anxiety, not depression. you never know what's going to happen with UC. even when you have a good day, it could all turn sour in a heartbeat. that stress has been really hard for me to deal with, as well as the anxiety brought about by the financial stress of paying for my wellness. therapy has really helped.

good luck, and be well.
Posted 1/14/2012 12:30 AM (GMT 0)
infinitespark,

Glad to know you've found a professional who specializes in chronic diseases and that it's helped you. :-)

Posted 1/14/2012 12:34 AM (GMT 0)

tank89 said...
I wouldn't complain like I am if this hit me when I was 60 as I would have "lived my life" till then, but just feel now it's more or less making a worthless life if you get me?

I know what you mean, it's f.... ed up man. I am in the same misery boat.
Posted 1/14/2012 12:44 AM (GMT 0)

tank89 said...
Thx for replies. Diet is perfect really, I take care of my body greatly but I don't know what it is just getting really down. Don't want to see specialists as I don't want to take any anti-depression drugs etc not my cup of tea, and I don't like opening up to people. Just get frustrated with all this, alough I know that there are people out there worse off, I just feel at 22 (diagnosed at 20) that it's completely wrecked my life, and I have nothing going for me really... Just seem to live a sheltered life these days but nothing much I can do, no one is there to help money running lower and lower and struggling to get work etc.

I think I read that you were a fitness nut. Maybe if you have surgery you can get back your life how you wanted it to be, take a look at this guy, inspirational.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDoujZ1K8ww
Posted 1/14/2012 1:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Tank.. I Read your two posts, .sorry to hear this bud..you were one who really helped me out when I had low(114) testosterone. It went up for a while, then back down :-( Anyway, I appreciated your input, greatly. When mine was low I was pretty depressed as well, cloudy in the head, and like you, I'm against depression drugs. To me, more drugs, more side affects. Have you thought about seeing a naturpath Dr, or someone in alternative healing(TCM, traditional chinese medicine, or acupuncturist). Many of them would agree with you not to take anti depressant meds, but they would have suggestions for you in the present moment. Not to be harsh, but really, two choices, stay where you are, or make a change. I know I'd love to see you rebound back :-) And I bet you want to THRIVE as well. I know what you mean about libido and sex life. Mine's been pretty down too. Twice I wasn't able to get erect for a new partner, but then I hooked back up with my xgf whom I love and got rock hard. Funny, with low testosterone I Was still able to rock it. Something about this love thing, eh? Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that all these tests, and numbers, and drugs, don't mean anything without an emotional connection with others. Our body stores stress in different places. I never thought I was stressed as I'm generally happy, but it's obvious I do store it in my pelvis area. Sorry to hear you don't wanna open up with others but I think that will help you the most..but first finding someone you trust, want to share with, someone who you believes truly cares for you to get better. In my opinion I've only seen that in my integrative Doctor and in eastern medicine. I feel western medicine doesn't want me to get better, they want me to pay $$ for pills so they can take tomorrow off and golf. I don't know your country or offerings but I am sure there are Ayurveda doctors who would help, truly listen to you and help. Maybe even your local yoga studio could point you in the right direction, a lot of them also don't trust western medicine. Hope this helps, I don't mean to say anything against your belief system, only trying to help. If you have 18minutes, check out this video, from a Dr, it makes a lot of sense

youtu.be/7tu9nJmr4Xs
http://youtu.be/7tu9nJmr4Xs

hope this helps, you're always welcome to message me directly. Take Care, I'd love to see you live your dreams, we all would.
Posted 1/14/2012 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
I had a very sad/tough childhood and I battled depression and once I was in my mid 20's even though I had gotten UC around that time I found my husband who loved me for me and then I began to love me for me too. Try to love who you are and accept what you cannot change and try to change the things you can. I still fight depression but feel pretty good most of the time. I don't want drugs for it, I hate what all the drugs have done to me. I have gone to therapy a few times and it has helped. Now I want kids but am not ovulating, so I am going to see a Doc about fertility issues. I am 36 so not many options for me and I am trying so hard to be positive. After I have a baby I want to take something, I realize that I do need some help and its ok and I try so hard every day to make the best of it, that I need a little break and maybe meds can do that for me.

You are not alone, but it really does suck!
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