UC and relationships?

My husband was very supportive but it got to the point where I was so sick ALL the time it started taking a toll on him. At the time when my UC was at it's worst, our two children were small. I was at home with them and my husband has his own CPA firm. Those were stressful times to say the least. I am saying all this in past tense because I had to have j pouch surgery for my UC so it's no longer an issue as I am healthy again. We tend to forget that having a chronic illness such as this puts a huge stress on relationships no matter how strong they are. After my surgery, it was like a big weight was lifted off of both of us. I was an extreme case....I couldn't function in my everyday life because my UC was so bad. I don't know what I would have done without the support of my husband and family thru those scary times.

Sunflowerr,

There is also the possibility that you will have great succes controlling your UC and it will not have a significant impact on your life or your relationships. There are a lot of sad stories about life with UC but many successes too.

I'm newly married... to an hypocondiac!! My husband only been in the hospital once in his whole life: when he was born!

He never was seriously hill or injured. Doesnt know what is pain. So you can imagine its the end of the world for him when he feels a cold is coming!

So it's difficult for him. Hes very supportive but take it a lot to heart cause he feels as a man he should be able to ease my pains.
A part of him as well just doesnt get this condition. He just doesnt understand it. I can wake up one morning feel fine and in the afternoon would feel horrible.

It is really a challenge for both of us. I feel guilty that i can't always give him pleasure or entertainment.
It's hard for him as he always have to go with how I feel.
However my case is moderate and im on that road to getting better.

Wht I find the most difficult is the fact i feel much older and less sexier and as a man he takes it as his responsability.

However we don't stop trying to do things. Hes very patient and we even planned some week end trips.

He was never exposed even in his family to any health or pain issues. We have been living together only a few months so its a big challenge for him to adapt to this. But its getting better and better.

But im always reassured he loves me and he wont leave me because of this condition. And that is pure gold!!!

It'salwayssomething: If the people on the bus had only known the alternative to you using the bathroom when needed... they might not have been so annoyed! LoL. I tend to look at it as: I'm helping EVERYONE by going to the bathroom when I need to, not just me (because unfortunately, I have had a couple horrible accidents =( ) .

That being said - I think you have received good comments, Sunflower. I won't add more of the same but will give a few tips from our experience (husband and I, that is).

He comes to every Dr. appt with me (I think the Dr. thinks it's a little odd, but the nurses think it's sweet, lol). My husband used to make a lot of suggestions to me when we were first navigating the illness - why don't I eat this, or just try that, or just not be so anxious, etc? It was very stressful for us both. Now, with him coming to appts, he is a much better help to me (and now that I'm taking meds, supplements, exercising - prob. me to him too!) While he is at the Dr. he can ask all sorts of questions - to be honest, he usually has way more questions than me and he accepts the Dr.'s knowledge and authority on the matter (it used to bother my husband if I didn't want to eat, as he thought this was dangerous 'eating disorder' territory, but after the Dr said "just give her time, and she'll get her appetite back," he relented and was able to see the situation from a different POV). I really like having my husband know about the different meds or treatments the Dr is suggesting. We seem much better off since we have begun taking this approach.

The other thing to think about it time - in time, I have learned many "coping" mechanisms and I also recognize symptoms much more easily now. Besides that, in regards to our relationship, we also know what the other person needs. He seems to realize that when I am stressed out about going to the bathroom 5 times before we have to leave to be somewhere, that a hug and sympathy are the best help he can offer, and I have learned that when he asks how I am feeling, he really wants to know some concrete details - not just - "I'm fine" or "I'm ok." It helps him to hear things like, "I'm not doing very well right now, but I think I'll be okay to make it through the party" etc.

And this is sad but... when I had the accident I mentioned earlier...I was with him. I was so sad, and he (who has a very weak stomach) was sooooo kind & helpful. So...let's just say he is a blessing. After that (on a practical note), there's not much we're afraid to bring up regarding UC. I do try to be discreet, but let's just say, we've seen the worst! LoL.

Hope these thoughts are helpful =)

I was sick for a looong time before I had my permanent surgery a few months ago. I met my husband after I was diagnosed with UC, and at that time, I was in remission. I didn't have bad flare until about three years into our relationship, after my first miscarriage. The miscarriage put more strain than the flare, but the flare didn't help either. I proceeded to be in another remission for 5 more years. When I was in remission I lived like any normal person, except I took meds. There was no burden on anything, and I never had to worry about restrooms or eating out.

I had some flares in the last 7 years, but my BIGGEST was recently, and I couldn't come out of it for the life of me (seriously). I ended up in the hospital for three weeks counting my surgery, and although my husband was wiped out from taking care of our three small children, I think it brought us closer together as a couple. It gave me a chance to appreciate the "little things" (and big things) he does and the unconditional love he showered upon me. I am so grateful to have him, and my most recent ordeal showed me more than ever.

wolfwolf - you must be a dog lover, me too - I'm like you, I prefer not to dine out with friends and family, unless it's my immediate family. While I don't have the UC diagnosis, I struggle with severe IBS from having had a colon resection (cancer), etc. If I enjoy a meal in a restaurant I'd better make sure there's a bathroom available to me for the following 1 to 2 hours, bm's start and can last for an hour or two. Other people just do not understand this at all - they think, well just stay in there and finish. I hate that word - finish. Finishing the whole process takes hours!

And so it's far easier to not eat with them or eat and run (home).

A few times I ordered water only and then all the comments started - you're not eating - how shocking to them. Then they'd offer to give me bites of their food. I'd want to say - don't you know that if I eat anything, it all starts up again?

It's just so much easier to skip social events that include food. I routinely skip dinner if my husband are going to parties, everyone thinks I've eaten and I let them think that. At the party or event, I eat - nothing.

Why is this world so consumed with food intake? It really makes it worse for some of us.

I was married for just over 7 years when I was dianosed.  My husband has always been the one with the health problems.  Right before I met him he hurt his back in the army and ever since then he has had back issues(4 surgeries and chronic pain).  I joke with him and tell him it is my turn now. lol You know I love him so much more now then before.  I went from 145 pounds when I met him to 237 now and most of this was gained from being put on pred.  I am now on the dreaded pred again.  He has never made comments about my weight or about my moon face(which i have now) and I know he will love me no matter what.  I know I don't look like I use to and on top of that I have a "nasty" diesese.  You know I can still function and do stuff around here but I go to the doctor alot and he has to take care of the kids or I don't feel good and he has to take care of them.  He has had to step up.  When I need surgery he will have to step up also.  It is scarey to think he might think I am "nasty" because of this UC or if I need surgery and have a bag but the stuff he has heard or seen me do because of this is so funny(and nasty) lol I just asked him the other day(when I was talking about how I hope I don't have to go poop at the funeral we were going to I said to him my god what if I have to take a crap durng the service) I asked him if he thought I was gross.  He looked at me and was like why and  I said because I am always talking about poop and I don't sensor any of it.  He said like I care.  It really doesn't bother me. He knows we do enemas and the scopes he takes me to and doctor appointments he has sat through and the stuff he has heard the doctor ask me.  I always feel like he must think this is so gross.  You know what I really don't think he cares.  We also laugh about it the other day we were at a red light by our house and I had to go I mean right then and there and of course we got stopped at the light(everytime I have to go I get stopped at that stupid light lol) and I was like hurry up come on I am going to &&&T in my pants and he started laughing and was like you want me to run the light.  We laugh alot about it.  I mean what are you going to do.  He knows when I say I need to use the bathroom that he better find one right away or take the kids and deal with them.  I think you find out who loves you and who is worth having in your life.  Don't get me wrong having us both have health problems is hard but we deal with it.  And I also know he will be there for me and he knows I will be there for him.  We will be married 10 years in August and I am glad he is here with me. 

As you can tell from my signature i got uc after i gave birth to my son which was about 1.5 yrs after my husband and i first met. Although in retrospect i think i had it before but it was soo mild that i didn't even know.

Anyway he stayed with me through it all. He was there in the hospital, he took a leave from work, he listens to me talk on and on about uc and latest research and treatments and alternative meds. I try not to tell him if im having symptoms but he always asks.

Sometimes i feel so bad that he is stuck with sick wife; before i got diagnosed i always thought of myself as the strong healthy one in the relationship. I was the one who kept the house and everything looking great and feeling great. Now i sometimes feel incompetent; like now im having a proctitis flare and i know i have to rest even if i don't feel like it and that makes me feel like iam the sick person and i hate being given the sick role. But what can you do? he always tells me that he doesn't see me as incompetent or sick and that he still sees me in the same way he did when we first married. I believe him. But i think it's more about me adjusting to this new role and accepting that sometimes i have to accept help (rather than offer it to people).