So here I go...

Ok, here's what I have for my BM counts this month so far:

5/3 - 6
5/4 - 10
5/5 - 6
5/6 - 9
5/7 - 11
5/8 - 7

Most of them have been solid, and I've been good overall, no urgency or near-misses. Well, except for on the 6th, and that was me feeling like I had to go while driving but stubbornly put it off thinking I could make it home. I had to pull off & go at a gas station.

Tomorrow I start my low-fiber two-week prep for the retreat. I've sent Mark a couple of questions but haven't heard back from him lately.

hey FMT, i really am excited for you. i know my experience hasn't been great, but you just have to go into it hoping for the best.

i've noticed any treatment just affects me very strongly, especially in the beginning. i don't have the fevers or flu-like symptoms anymore. i'd say that went away after i did about 3 or 4 FT. also, the frequency has gone down as well but not to anything that i'm happy about. the first week was just horrendous because i went from 8x a day to about 15x a day and i thought FT was supposed to REDUCE the frequency. i haven't been keeping track lately just because i was getting so discouraged.

did mark say you have to follow a low fiber diet until you do FT? just wondering. i followed it, too, but didn't really think it made a difference. i'd say just being really clean before the first FT is so important.

5/16 - 5
5/17 - 8
5/18 - 7
5/19 - 6
5/20 - 5

I think there have been more, on some of these days, but I've not kept great track.

So...I leave Thursday with my mom to go. I guess some of my in-laws and my parents were talking about it last night at dinner - they went to Olive Garden, not someplace I feel really comfortable going on SCD. :) But after they got back to our house, they were talking about it and one of the questions that they asked and we've talked about was - what if it works? What will I eat? How will my life change?

My wife and I talked about it this morning, and it's not something I've spent a ton of time thinking about, but I did bring up a friend of mine who had bariatric surgery recently. He's in his 50's and has been morbidly obese for his adult life. One of the things he was very mindful of was his thoughts and emotions and identity. He's been "the fat guy" for most of his life, and what happens when you're suddenly *not* that thing that has defined you for most of your life?

This was the conversation my wife and I had this morning. Every decision I've made since probably 1995 or so has been informed by my colitis. Job - cant' take one too far away, I don't do well in mornings. Going to see my kids play sports - do they have bathrooms there, or nearby? Travel - prefer not to take early morning flights. Also travel related - where to eat that's SCD safe?

Who would I be without colitis? Who *will* I be if this works?

I guess I haven't spent much time thinking about it because...it's not here yet. It's not like I have huge plans - "If this works, I'm going to go eat a whole pizza!" I'm just going to take it as it comes, because that's all I can do. I could think about the "what ifs" like I do when daydreaming about winning the lottery, but this is more real, and maybe that's why I'm not touching it.

I also don't want to get my hopes up. There's no guarantee. I think I've got a good shot at things going well, but that doesn't translate to "my colitis will go away". Plus, it will surely take time to change, if it does work. I didn't get sick overnight, I don't expect to get better overnight.

Hopefully I'll be able to take my laptop on my trip and keep writing about it. I want to document it as much for me and you all as for posterity.

Hopefully I'll have something positive to document. :)

Hi Edbar - Yes, that's the plan for now. I'm thinking a regular follow up on Saturdays with my mom, but we get back on the 1st, I'll probably skip the 2nd and follow up on the 9th. Mark said he forgot to book the assistant at first, so what we'll do is have the assistant come in and show us how to do it for the first few days and then leave the prep to us. By the time I get home, I should have a good handle on how to do it for myself. :)

Oh, and I also wanted to say that if I was the anthropomorphic type, I'd say that my colonic microbiota was trying to sabotage my trip - the bad bugs are on the chopping block. :)

But...that seems far fetched. :)