Spouse with newly diagnosed husband

Hi - my husband is newly diagnosed and is having his first flare-up. He's very depressed and won't go anywhere. he thinks his life is ruined and is frantically trying different diets to see if they help. All the info on diets is contradictory and confusing. We both work full-time and he used to cook a fair amount - and now he has no desire (can't blame him for that) and it's more work for me with two kids. The Dr. hasn't put him on a steriod yet - but I think it may be inevitable. I know this forum is for the people who are sick but I need some help so I can help him. He would never use a site like this. We don't go out anymore. He is angry and can take it out on the family. I know he is suffering and I don't know how to help him - or myself. Please give me some hope. It's depressing to be at home all the time - it's like life is on hold - I feel selfish even complaining because he's the one suffering.

where is his inflammation and what meds is he on now?

tell your husband to keep a food diary to see shat foods bother HIM specifically.  i have found with UC that we are all so individual.

My early flareups , I went into remission with rowasa (rectal mesalamine) and asacol.  I didnt use pred until i had UC for almost 19 years.  I also had a 15 year remission after my first flare up.  tell your husband that remission is possible and he wont feel like this forever.  good luck

Sorry to hear about you husband. It does suck to have this disease. If you are looking for dietary changes I would recommend Paleo. It's a hard diet to stick to but it has made big improvements for both me and my sister with our Colitis. The biggest thing for me I think has been avoiding wheats (gluten) and dairy. I'm fairly strict with my diet and have been off my meds for about the past 4-5 months not. I've been feeling a little off lately but I think it may be from either drinking too much or stress. Still not flaring though.

Sorry you are in this position. UC can suck but your husband seems to be taking it a little worse than normal. Doing anything frantically is probably self defeating. There are absolutely no diets that are guaranteed to work. Sometimes diet changes don't help at all and the diets that do help are different in everyone so people have to feel their way through it with trial and error. Steroids usually work but the problem with them is that they will not cure you to the point where you can get completely off of them and they have many side effects including irritability and bad mood changes. All steroids can do is help shut down his immune system, which is the main problem, giving his colon time to heal. Unfortunately the immune problem remains and once you taper down on the steroids or get completely off of them, the immune system fires back up and you are eventually back to square one all over again. While on steroids you need to do something in combination with them and continue with that forever after getting off of the steroids in order to remain in remission.

You sound like a good wife but I do have to comment that this is not your fault and there may be nothing you can do to help him and that you and your family deserve to be treated as well as possible, even by someone who has a serious and chronic health condition. You should not feel selfish and guilty because this has happened to him and accept bad behavior from him just because he is sick. At some point he may need some tough love, a slap in the face so to speak, to jerk him back to reality and let him know that even though he is sick you and the rest of family deserve to be treated well no matter what his health condition is. You need to be as supportive, caring, and understanding as possible but that doesn't mean you have to accept him taking his condition out on his family.

You can learn from this forum some things that doctors do not like to discuss, such as
1. rectal meds, especially mesalamine enemas, are very effective
2. Some supplements such as probiotics are very helpful
3. Many here find that they can better maintain their remission by keeping away from certain foods that can trigger flares. Each individual is different but avoiding gluten is very popular.

The good news is that many are able to effectively manage their IBD to the point where remission can be maintained months or even years at a time. Unfortunately there is are a small minority who have trouble getting out of their flares.

I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is sick. It's no fun for him and for the people around him! When I was first diagnosed in February I was scared, sad and couldn't go anywhere because I was so nervous that I would have an accident. It may not be that he doesn't want to go out, it's just the fact that when you are in a flare you can't go out sometimes. When you are first diagnosed it is the worst part of the disease and you are usually the sickest. With the right medication your husband will get better. There are many drugs out there. When I was first diagnosed I didn't want to eat anything or drink my usual glass of wine at night. But after getting on the right medication I slowly but surely got back to health. My depression lifted and I'm on a regular diet. This will pass I promise!!! There are many people on this site that do not have this disease, but are mothers, wives, dads, husbands etc... of people that have UC. Hang in there and be his rock. My boyfriend was my rock during my flare and I couldn't of asked for anything more. Support and sympathy is key.

My advice....patience, patience patience. Find a GI you trust and keep in mind that it takes a while to accept a diagnosis that requires life long treatment. It took me a long time to get to acceptance - comparable to a grieving process...

Hello and Welcome!
Sorry to hear... it is very rough when you are first diagnosed! Or at least it was for me. I did the same things as your husband.. stopped going out of the house for the most part, and was very angry at everyone and everything. I was even mad at the people that I saw walking their dogs, because I couldn't just go walk mine when I wanted to and however far I wanted to...

Well after 2 years of counseling what I have learned is this: He has to own and process all of his feelings and emotions. He has to be aware that he is entitled to feel whatever feelings he has but that he can't take them out on others. He has to learn how to communicate his feelings, fears and bad days( strangely this does help.. talking about it, making humor in bad situations etc does help!).. He has to mourn the life he had just as a death is mourned. The stages are the same and will go at his pace, not yours or your families sadly. He has to accept this for what it is, and in time he will learn it is not the end of the world and it does get better. He has to look at things that he can control in this.. he can look into vitamins and other supplements that could help with his symptoms and take a pro-active approach to his wellness which in turn will help his mental stance by giving him some small amount of control in the situation.. then he will have to accept day by day.. some days are great, some are crap!
Maybe you could find some counseling in your area that could really benefit him and your family.
It is really hard at first, on EVERYONE! Hang in there and just be ready to listen when he wants to vent..
Also, suggested supplements: aloe vera juice, l-glutamine powder, probiotics...
And it seemed when I stopped eating out, and stopped eating processed foods or foods with alot of preservatives in it I saw a huge difference...
Good Luck