Anyone here independent

Excuse me, thanks for pointing that out soystud.

I don't think they meant to attack you Toughkicker. I think it's more along the lines that they don't understand the anxiety and hesitation you are experiencing. For the most part, many of us here are very independent, living our lives with a S/O or alone, working and getting out once in a while. I'm sorry if you felt you were being attacked :(

ToughKicker, I'd like to understand more about why your mother had to help you to the bathroom. Were you so weak that you couldn't walk? If you are getting dehydrated to the point where you cannot walk, you need to go to the hospital. If you need your mother to help you because it is too upsetting to be sick, then to be independent you need to learn how to sooth yourself and stay calm and focused even when you're ill.

Everyone's different with regard to stress. It's impossible in my opinion to live a stress-free life. In my own personal situation I can handle day-to-day stresses without triggering an IBD flare, even in an intense job and a busy family life. But when my house burned down, that was enough stress to trigger a long flare. Really, a house burning down is pretty much a once-in-a-lifetime event and I didn't end up hosptalized or incapacitated. I lost some weight and felt awful for a few months, then I got better.

I have developed many different coping mechanisms for dealing with life's ups and downs, and that's what functional adults do. Hopefully you have some too, that don't include barbituates or binge drinking or sex with random strangers, LOL. My coping mechanisms are to read a good book, do yoga or go jogging, spend time with good friends, have a glass of wine, cook a complicated and delicious meal....go to the beach (have done this even in January when I just needed to hear the ocean). What is on your list?

Those sound like great stress relievers.

I'm currently not working, I'm on disability, hopefully I'll be working in the next few months. I've been checking ads for roomates. I'm in Arkansas. Mom says she is supportive but she didn't show it. She says I'll do fine in California, but no longer wants to talk about it. I"m in Arkansas

TouchKicker. I am worried that you will move, experience problems, and have a real bad time.

Maybe income is not a problem if you are on full disability (presumably with Medicare or whatever disability awards). With the combination of UC and mental illness, I can see why you have disability. But there are challenges to the move you want to make. You also have said (and continue to say) some odd things that suggest some therapy would be helpful. You should get this therapy. You should have a multi stage multi year plan. For example, you should try living on your own in the same town as your parents for about a year before you move across the country.

I am alarmed that you get one or two encouraging reply and you announce that you feel better, or the problem is solved, or whatever. For example you get a few bits of encouragement and pointers from Kas, and you suddenly announce that your biggest fear, controlling stress, is no longer a problem. This is not reality. It is good to take encouragement, but avoid magical thinking. Encouragement is good. Enabling is bad. If people see that you are planning to jump right into a move without more skills/practice and w/o counseling for your fears and dependance issues, then they are not helping you - they are potentially enabling your next big crash.

Maybe you would be very lucky and stay in remission forever. Maybe you UC meds will never stop working. Maybe you will never have trouble with the meds you take for the mental disorder (schizophrenia?). Maybe the economy will be great. Maybe you will never lose a roommate ... etc. But statistically, you will have another flare whether you get stressed or not. Almost certainly over then next 10, 20, or 30 years. You will also likely have to change roommates or change residence every few years too.

Now, while you are in remission, and while you have family close by, is the time to get in the best position for success. Finding a roommate over the internet or some newspaper ad, and then moving across the country without much of a plan does not seem like a good idea given the fears you have expressed. This seems especially true since you say things like "I have never been on my own before."

Feeling confidant is good. Establishing a good solid basis for confidence is better.

California is very expensive, especially when you get thrown a curveball that you didn't expect. Everyone gets curveballs in their lives. I agree with the others here that you should start out living on your own in Arkansas first. Arkansas has curveballs too. If it works out then you can take the next step.

Instead of your signing a lease and having the bigger expense of renting perhaps you should be the roomate instead of looking for a roomate.