Question for the guys

How do I explain to my hubby that due to UC sometimes I just need to go to bed early and sleep? He is very sympathetic to the bathroom portion of this disease, but does not understand that bone tired, going to fall over fatigue that we get. He thinks that when I head to bed early it is lovin time when truthfully, that is the last thing on my mind!

Sara14 said...
Why not just tell him exactly what you just wrote?

My thoughts exactly. Make him don8 blood and see if he wants a go after :p.

Not sure if I can say this here, but being a guy, the more you reject us, the more we want it.

I have tried to explain it to him, but he just thinks its an excuse. After all, how can poop problems make you tired. (His opinion). He will say "WE just need to go to bed earlier". While that is true, when you have one of those massive fatigue days it doesn't matter how early you go to bed. You are asleep before you actually lay down.

Max...heaven love my hubby but he is one of those guys who never has enough! We are def not one of those couples that only have relations a couple times a week.

I guess I'm asking is how do you describe the exhaustion to someone who has never experienced it?

46&crashing said...
I have tried to explain it to him, but he just thinks its an excuse. After all, how can poop problems make you tired. (His opinion). He will say "WE just need to go to bed earlier". While that is true, when you have one of those massive fatigue days it doesn't matter how early you go to bed. You are asleep before you actually lay down.

You've officially made me feel sorry for my fiancé now.

At least I can still pose the argument to her that I am the one with UC and thus should be "tired", not her.

You have inflammation and ulcers throughout your intestines that your body is working around the clock to heal and he doesn't understand why you'd be exhausted? Maybe he should understand UC isn't just a silly "poop problem." Has he ever had the stomach flu? Tell him UC is about 50 times as bad as that. Who cares if he thinks it's "just an excuse." You need to take care of yourself.

I'd just junk punch him if he won't leave you alone.
(says the woman who is 36 weeks pregnant and possibly cranky)

I think as a guy, my IBS/IBD has led to a decreased libido at times. It's not so much that I don't have the energy for it so much as I don't have the "will," I guess. I still get turned on by my girlfriend but am not always "down" when she is. I feel bad and kinda emasculated when this happens. I feel even worse when I start but can't or don't...uh...finish.

So there's two sides to this coin, 46&crashing. Just gotta find some sort of equilibrium I guess.

Fruitgirl...love it! Thank you for that. You do realize that the next time I am in the situation, I will probably bust out laughing thinking about your comment!

Sfc & iPoop how do you describe to a man who has never had these issues that off and on abdominal soreness, fatigue and non-sexy feeling so that he can relate? What nonUC activity/illness have you ever had that even comes close? I want to be able to say that I feel like he did when...
Btw...if I told him that I felt "sick and worn out, I think I need sleep" he would say "well let's hit it before you go to sleep" or he would try to wake me up when he came to bed later...which makes me almost homicidal! :)

46&crashing, well it is really hard for anyone who doesn't have uc to understand what we go through and I don't know that there are a lot of other temporary sickness he might have been through to compare it directly. So I wouldn't pursue that avenue of thought.

Rather, I'd say be open with your guy and really go into as much graphic detail as is needed about what you are feeling if he so easily shrugs off your "I'm not feeling well" bit. If he thinks it is only an excuse to be chronically tired and sore then he needs a serious reality check. Tell him that you have a lot of discomfort right now in your abdomen, it's persisted for hours, and sex will only agitate it and make you feel worse. Tell him when the discomfort starts and goes away each day. Give him some lead time that you are getting tired well before you go to bed, so he is aware, and knows it isn't just suddenly tired (rather it builds up). If you start crashing around the same time evening tell him you are starting to get really tired even if you know you can make it another couple hours before going to bed.

I don't know if there is certain times of day that are consistently better for you than other times. For me during this flare, I am feeling great from about 11am to 7:30p or so. My wife knows this, and if she wants to get 'lucky' I am very clear with her that she has that open window and nothing before or after it. As late evenings and mornings are when I am going to the bathroom a lot and there is typically some general discomfort involved with that evacuation process.

Your guy should be trying his best to make you feel better, attractive, and such through this and he should certainly be less selfish. If he has a better understanding of what's going on then I hope it'll help him. My wife has helped my spirits greatly by finding me attractive, and complimenting me even when I am feeling at my worst. She gives me random compliments throughout the day both when I am feeling good and when I am feeling bad and she gets points for making me feel attractive even though with the random discomfort and frequent bathroom trips I would certainly otherwise feel far from that. Certainly he'd make you feel better and he'd get further with sweet compliments rather than him just grouching...