would you date someone with this disease?

if i didn't have this disease, i honestly wouldn't date someone with ibd. I know it sounds bad, but i'm being honest. Why would i want to take on these problems, when i could do so well without them. It sounds like a punishment. i'd be asking myself if i'd have to keep 'rescuing' this person, in so many ways. Most people have a checklist in their heads, ibd doesn't appear there, it's a no-no worst case scenario. This has been my experience with the disease, people tend to run away from the disease (me), throw in a lousy job, ordinary looks and ur destined for loneliness.
When already in love, i guess that's different.

Well not everyone who has UC need to be rescued. There are good times and bad times and in bad times most uc sufferers will try to get the right meds for them.

It sure affects a relationship but not all the time. Everyone come with a problem and I prefer to suffer from uc then a mental illness.

UC suc...s but it's not the end of the world especially that no one is asking any partner to join them for a bathroom ride!

Depends on where you are in your life.
I'd rather date someone with UC than someone with a drinking problem or drugs or gambling or a liar, etc and many times these things aren't apparent superficially until too late.

If UC was the only iffy characteristic that an otherwise desirable potential date had it would be "yes" without question.
But I wouldn't want that to be the main thing we had in common. It would be a side issue.

Not everyone with UC is the same. There are many people on this forum with opposing ideas on how to treat their UC and we have little in common even having the same disease.

UC is a small part of who I am. 99% of me is fabulous.

i give everyone a chance so i wouldn't mind dating someone with UC. we can't help that we have this disease and it shouldn't limit us on who we can be with. relationships are much more than a health status. nobody's perfect.

now honestly, i haven't steadily dated anyone since being diagnosed with UC. it's too hard when i am flaring and anxious all the time. it sucks that we can't pick and chose when we are in remission and that it's always a surprise.

True Story- I dated this guy, on our first "sleep over" (at my house because of anxiety) I released
my enema in my sleep... Yep, I pooped the bed, not bad but noticeable... Fast forward 7 years...
we are married! We laugh about that night quite often now.

I think I was in far worse shape than you, a woman in her 40's, a mentally ill child, 2 divorces under
my belt, and pooping all over the place... you get the picture.

Seriously though, If you find someone who loves you, they love all of you- No matter what burdens
you carry on in your head.

Carlie

For me, I would say it depends the way the person with IBD handles the situation. My whole extended family has digestive issues, some with GERD, celiac, allergies, IBS etc... doesn't make them any less desirable.

No one is perfect, everyone has problems of their own.

Most of my friends, even my roommate doesn't really know what goes on inside my bathroom in bad times.

If I didn't have UC, I would probably know so little about it, I wouldn't even understand what the person was dealing with. I had never heard of this illness before I was diagnosed with it. My bf has bad anxiety and panic disorder, and I can honestly say, he is way more needy than I am with my UC. Like others have said, everyone has some sort of baggage, I feel like you have to be willing to tolerate peoples flaws if you want to be in a relationship.

Carlie, as embarrassing as that incident probably was, I just spat some water out at my desk reading that. love it

Yeh its all about attitude, I wouldn't go out with a negative person who held themselves back, but I do need somebody who'se okay to party hard and then at the flick of a button be happy to stay in a few weeks or happy to let me slow down. but thats about all. my ex's dad has UC so I guess that was easier and he's the only one i've dated properly with this. but im in my 20's, and everybody is different

Difficult to say. If I fall in love, I fall in love, but otherwise....

In this case here, If I'm presented these characteristics:

"a woman in her 40's, a mentally ill child, 2 divorces under
my belt, and pooping all over the place."

I will say heck no!

There are many reasons. In fact, I probably wouldn't date a person like this even if she was healthy. I know it's shallow, but let me explain my reasons.

I used to work with a guy co-worker with 1 of aformentioned characteristics. He has a child with a mental illness from a previous mariage The kid, screams, bites people. Eventually, his g/f broke up with him. He told me, they had frequent fights about his kid.

I mean, I don't need this...I'm sick already, don't need any more stress.

The second problem. Here in Ontario or maybe in the US (I dunno), when you live 3 years with a person, you become a family according to the law and if you separate you're going to have to pay child support for an ill child which is not even yours until he/she is 18.

I don't want to start paying child support for a person who I'm no longer with and for a child who is not mine. w.t.f.

No disrespect to Carlie or anything, but if someone is presented to me with those stats, I'm going to have to pass.

Sure, I'd date/marry someone with UC, so long as they aren't a bitter, miserable person because of it.

Hahaha...imagine if everyone thought that way about people with diseases...they're hardly be any married people if that was the case probably...granted I didn't get sick until after I was already married. I married an alcoholic, though I didn't realize it at the time....lot's of rough rides with that let alone being sick...here we still are, married 24 yrs this June.

Guess no one is perfect.

Well said, imagardner2:

 

imagardener2 said...
Depends on where you are in your life.
I'd rather date someone with UC than someone with a drinking problem or drugs or gambling or a liar, etc and many times these things aren't apparent superficially until too late.

If UC was the only iffy characteristic that an otherwise desirable potential date had it would be "yes" without question.
But I wouldn't want that to be the main thing we had in common. It would be a side issue.

Not everyone with UC is the same. There are many people on this forum with opposing ideas on how to treat their UC and we have little in common even having the same disease.

UC is a small part of who I am. 99% of me is fabulous.

All of my flares have occurred during long-term relationships, and so I've never tried dating while symptomatic (I'm either flaring or in remission). My current partner and I started dating a few short months before my latest flare, but he's been absolutely wonderful, taking care of me and supporting me.

Not that I have plans to go back to dating, but UC wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. If a person had a chronic illness that they were working very hard to manage, that would not be nearly as much of a red flag as someone who was cruel or abusive.