Parents keep asking me why I don't have a girlfriend

First, some background: I am 33 years old. I was diagnosed with moderate-to-severe Ulcerative Colitis eleven years ago. I have about two flare ups a year and each one lasts about two months. I don't take any medication.
I sit on the toilet every morning for an hour, to make sure I'm emptied out. I live alone. This gets me through most days without having to use the bathroom during the day.
I work as an electrical engineer, which is a very demanding job. 99% of the people I deal with don't know about my Ulcerative Colitis and they think I am 100% healthy.
My parents constantly bug me about why I don't have a girlfriend. All my coworkers have girlfriends or they are married, so I feel like they look at me strange for never having a girlfriend or even wanting one.
I kind of want a girlfriend, but I don't want to gross anyone out either or let them know that am on the toilet for an hour every morning (and a lot of times, even that's not enough to be done for the day). I hide my UC symptoms well, but there are times during a flare-up when I am so worried that I will have to use the bathroom multiple times, so I just stay home. Therefore, it would seem that I lead a very boring life.
What do you guys think? Do you single people go out on dates and how does that work for you?

UC Dee, that is awesome that you are in electrical engineering. I wish the best of luck to you. EE definitely is a challenge and has a lot of ups and downs (especially if you are dealing with Ulcerative Colitis on top of everything else). I was diagnosed with UC during my third year of college while studying EE. Sticking with it and keep getting up no matter how many times it knocks you down is the key to success.

trust me, i've had perfectly healthy boyfriends who still spend plenty of time stinking out my bathroom in the mornings. .

and of course i go out, drink, and date. It goes without saying, when i've had a flare up i take things slower but can't let it hold you back. sounds like you're using it for an excuse and there's something else holding you back. there's nothing wrong with that, do what makes you happy.
if you're happy single, whats wrong with that.

also i'm a nearly 27 female and only single one in my group too

I'm curious why you don't take any meds. Even though there are several bad news meds there are also several pretty much benign meds. There is also prednisone, that some have luck enough to take a short course, get off, and maintain a remission from the benign meds. Seems to me like you are accepting a disrupted life which might go away completely if you were one of the lucky ones. Maybe you've tried, it didn't work, any now you have sworn off all meds. I just hate seeing anyone suffer for no reason.

Have you considered going to the doctor and trying to come up with a treatment plan you are happy with?

This could help you to achieve a better remission and this in turn will give you more confidence with the ladies!

I've been like a colitis yoyo over the last couple of years, going through mild, moderate and even severe flairs and then getting back to full remission every time! I find my confidence is low while I am flaring but once I am back to normal I forget my troubles and get myself out there again.

You say your colitis effects your confidence so you need to do everything you can to get it under control. There are many areas you can look into - medication, diet, exercise, stress management, mind body connection etc.

Power33, unfortunately, that's what parents do they are always bugging/nagging you about something. First, they ask "why don't you have a girlfriend". Then when you have a girlfriend they ask "when are you getting engaged". Then the parents push for the wedding and all of its details. Then parents push on having children "when's the grandkids". There is just no end to it, lol (e.g., "When are you getting a house", "when you advancing your career and getting a better paying job").

Hey, in the end just do what makes you happy. If you want to date then do it. If you don't feel you are in a good place to be dating then don't -- just enjoy your life and make the most of it. Uc shouldn't be an excuse for what you can and cannot do in your life. There are certainly much, much worse diseases out there to have.

It was impossible for me to date during my flare -- for one thing I wore adult diapers and still failed to make it to the bathroom quite frequently, and for another my diet was so limited that I couldn't go out to a restaurant ever. Also quite frankly I was so sick and tired that I couldn't have left the house for a date even if I had one.

After I got my ostomy I was so relieved to be out of diapers, eating again, and able to leave the house that I did start to date again. Now, despite all those positives, I still have a bag of poop attached to my side. It has to be emptied five or six times a day and if it's almost due for an empty my boyfriend can feel it when he hugs me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that people can and will surprise you with what they're willing to put up with. I used to think no one would ever date me because I wasn't a supermodel -- turns out people will date me with the way I look and my personality AND a bag of poop attached to my side.

I understand it's really hard to get out there and do anything "extra" on top of your job when you're sick and fatigued, and no one is saying you have to. But if you want a girlfriend, I guarantee you there is a woman out there who will like you and who won't care that you have to sit on the toilet for an hour in the morning. I find people respond best to this if you are confident and unapologetic. Instead of saying "I'm sorry, this is so gross, but you see I have this disease so I have to sit on the toilet for an hour just to have a hope of making it through the day... ugh..." you say something like, "I just want you to know, I have a disease called ulcerative colitis, have you heard of it? [they probably say no] Well we don't have to get into details, but it affects my digestion, so I need some extra time in the bathroom in the mornings, and once in a while I feel sick and have to deal with it." That's pretty much it. Besides, you don't really have to reveal your morning routine until you have a woman ready to spend the night at your place, and by then you're already "in"

geez, in all my years of relationships, i've never been involved with the women you guys are talking about - i was pretty much the dick that caused the breakups - i would probably marry each and every one if i had the chance to do it over again -

women are awesome -

soystud said...
and 33, don't sweat it - that's what parents do sometimes - when you're ready, it'll happen -

That's another fine point. Most of our parents were married in their late teens or early 20's so they really can't understand why their kids aren't married yet with a tribe of grandchildren running around em. lol. Pesky things like college or trade school and starting a career come first now a days.

Haha and not to bash on woman, I am sure my wife complains about all of my idiosyncrasies all of the time. Men can be a pain in the butt too I am sure, somedude and soystud doublely so by the sounds of it. Any takers for either of them ladies haha?

handfulofrain said...
well if you guys would just DO the simple things we ask...then we wouldn't have to nag. ;)
juuuuuuuuuuuuust saying!

RIGHT? ARG.

I got somewhat lucky that I was always in remission when I was dating. Each of my flares started while I was already in a relationship, and with my previous relationships, when they ended, I'd go on massive SELF-IMPROVEMENT binges and end up kicking my flare very easily within a month. I'd say, "Maybe I'm still in a flare because this relationship hasn't ended yet!" but my partner is super supportive, and I've been working very hard to end this flare.

My partner knows that I have dietary restrictions, that I'm often super fatigued, that yes, we DO go through toilet paper that quickly, and that there are times when I need to use the bathroom RIGHT NOW GET OUT GET OUT.

I find that a lot of people are understanding if you tell them, "Just so you know, I have a chronic illness that means I have to use the bathroom a lot. I'm telling you now so that you're not confused or worried if I keep excusing myself." Works on dates, and in a professional setting as well.

Anyway, if you want to be in a relationship, don't worry so much about your UC unless it's keeping you from, like ... leaving the house or eating anything in a restaurant. And if you don't really want to be in a relationship, then ignore your parents.

somedude said...
I.e. If I'm playing video games and the woman tells me to get off and do the dishes, we're going to have a problem. I will do the dishes when I feel like it, and if it's 3 days laters, it's 3 days later.

Wow I bet the ladies are knockin' down the door to get to you somedude. Haha, just kidding, I know what you mean.

I have been with my fiancée almost ten years but we are both very independent people and love our freedom. We love each other to death and will get married one day and live together but right now things are just fine the way they are.

Plus I love going to strip joints. Some women don't like their men going there to relax with the boys. If the woman tells me it's me or the strip joints, she can pack her things.

Im not there to hook up with any girl, I'm just looking, drinking, relaxing, if women can't understand that, then whatever.

somedude said...
I don't know what the stats is for the U.S. but probably one of the reasons people don't stay together is because they aren't completely compatible.

I think to be in a successful relationship both partners need to be willing to change and adapt themselves to keep the relationship going. You and the girl have got to have hobbies, likes and interests in common, and sometimes that means taking up something new, trying new things and such. If you have hobbies and interests that she doesn't and they are all consuming then you might have to give them up or at least tone them down. Lol can't ignore her for the whole weekend while you pursue your own selfish interest and expect it to work out.

somedude said...
I.e. If I'm playing video games and the woman tells me to get off and do the dishes, we're going to have a problem. I will do the dishes when I feel like it, and if it's 3 days laters, it's 3 days later.

Well, part of being in a relationship is thinking of your partner first and making sacrifices sometimes, even though we don't really want to (e.g., meaning our inherit selfishness might dictate otherwise). If that means pausing your videogame, or logging out for a while to get some chores done and keep her happy then it is well worth it to keep the peace. As rather than just spend the whole evening playing videogames, you need to share your time with her. And if she respects your needs, wants and desire for personal space, then she should recognize that you need a few hours of "me time" every now and then to play your games. Haha I have known a lot of guys who had to seriously tone-down their videogames to be in a relationship though (not like being single when you can devout many whole evenings, or weekends to that pursuit without interruption).

Yeah no guy likes being told what to do by a parent or a gf, but sometimes you just take one for the team and do it to keep the peace. Lol we all have our limits though, and for me it's you tell me a half a dozen times to do something I aint doing it to you lay off 1st (maybe it is the childhood rebellion still in me of my parents doing the same thing years ago...clean your room, clean your room, noooo).