How do you tell a partner you have UC?

You have a very nice friend, and obviously he cares and you trust him enough to be helping you out. What is stopping you from opening up to him about this?

I'm not really sure what you mean by "make myself vulnerable by telling him too much". How so?

The last three women I dated for any length of time (including my fiance at present) knew I had UC at the start of seeing me, or soon thereafter. For me it was vital that the partner knew the basics: I use the bathroom more than normal people, sometimes need to rest more than normal people, and once in a while am somewhat confined as to where/when I can go out. It was way too hard to hide, and being open about it without over-dramatizing it let us move past it easily.

I just come right out and say it. If they have a problem, they know where the door is and don't let it hit you in the @ss on the way out!!

I only tell people who I can trust 110% which means a few in my family and of course my wife knew from begining. I guess the question is do you trust the person 110%? If trust didnt matter then you would be asking this question in the first place. I guess trust is a big thing then?

You tell them calmly, cooly and when you're ready. Sometimes it's best to stick to the basic facts and they can ask anything else.

You'll probably find, as I did, that this is a very common disease that nobody speaks about. So they'll likely know somebody with IBD, it's an auto immune disease, your large intestine is damaged and you're not sure when you will be on your feet again. As simple as that is how I start it. Then as conversations move on, over weeks and months they get a few more details as and when they need them.

He knows you're ill, just not why, so really the hard part is done. You don't have to explain how you may become, he can see it. And you don't have to explain any gory details if you don't want to.

to be honest though, i once cried and told an ex i'd had an accident that week, he laughed and said "don't worry, i wet myself in the car the other day in traffic" best responce ever. turned out his dad had UC too which made it easier. I personally am happy for people to know, maybe its just the UK but it's really common here and it makes me feel more comfortable that it's nothing i should be ashamed of. (i'll point out, not happy for people to know about accidents)

good luck, but don't stress out. if you're not comfortable with telling him, then don't. xx and any details you want to tell somebody without the fear of being vulnerable, well that's why we have internet forums

Loo?
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I'm usually straight up honest about it. If they don't like it, I don't care.

Thanks everybody for your replies, I am really touched by them. It is so nice to speak to people who understand. I am going to take the advice on board : o )

Andrina said...
I'm usually straight up honest about it. If they don't like it, I don't care.

Ha, this pretty much. All my friends, family, coworkers know I have UC.

I'm always going to have UC so I'd rather someone know pretty soon (and see how they take it) than have someone in my life who might find out and flip out someday down the line.

I had my first flare when I was dating my first serious boyfriend in college. So he knew I was sick because I didn't realize I had a chronic illness. I just thought I had really bad acute diarrhea. My flare didn't get really bad until we broke up, and the stress of the break-up got me so sick I almost had to go on medical leave.

Second boyfriend, after college--I didn't tell him that I'd had UC because I was in remission. I mostly kept it a secret when I started flaring again, but I eventually just told him that I had a chronic illness, and needed to go to the bathroom a lot. I kept the details from him, but he wanted to be a doctor, so he wasn't a jerk about it.

Third flare, of course, started 2 months into my relationship with my fiance. For a while, I didn't tell him that I was sick because I was hoping it would go away. I finally told him, and he was BEYOND supportive. He doesn't love hearing all the details, but my flare lasted for a year and a half, and we lived together for 10 months of it, so he knew details anyway, like, "There was a lot of blood," or, "Ugh, well I didn't digest any of that broccoli!" He took care of me the whole time, and one of the reasons I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him was the way he took care of me. He later mentioned that he had a roommate with Crohn's, so he was used to someone needing to run to the bathroom, or someone using a lot of toilet paper.

My advice? You don't have to give a lot of details about your illness, but you can explain how your illness affects your life. I think I told my fiance something like:

"You may have noticed that I go to the bathroom a lot. I have ulcerative colitis, which is a kind of inflammatory bowel disease. I don't recommend looking it up. Basically, I have to go to the bathroom a lot; I often don't know when I'll need to go, and when I do need to, I can't wait very long. I also sometimes go many times in a row, which can be really worrisome if you don't know what's going on. I wanted to tell you this so you wouldn't be confused or worried if I was using the bathroom so often."