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Tired of feeling sorry for myself

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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 1/22/2014 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
UC is just emblematic of a wider problem with feeling victimized by my ailments. I wish I could move past my issues and am in counseling for it. But my therapist seems to think these issues are real and need to be handled. Everything is a catastrophe with me that needs to be rectified immediately. I am so in despair over my attitude to chronic health issues (and my UC is doing really well!). Why can't I be stronger? I feel like a whiner. Please don't ask me to go to church. Can anyone relate to this? I just can't move past my problems and nobody really wants to hear about them.
Posted 1/22/2014 2:21 AM (GMT 0)
You're more than welcome to share them. I will offer any advice I have, and at the least will listen to what is on your mind.
Posted 1/22/2014 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
I think you need to stick with the counselor. The only thing that comes to my mind is some advice I got a long time ago from a district manager of a restaurant chain and I was the manager. He was kind of like a father figure to me. I was doing OK but he felt I should have been doing much better than I was. He told me that I was letting the restaurant run me instead of me running it. He was right and I saw the light and things really improved tremendously. I have always tried to remember that. I try not to let my UC run me and I try to run it. Sometimes it wins but most of the time I win.
Posted 1/22/2014 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
@journey - I'm sure all of us have been there, at least I know I have. It's always easier to feel bad for the things in life that are hard to deal with and it's always easier to give up when things get tough. But, I'm sure you have tons of things in your life you should be thankful for. In Iraq and afghan I saw some pretty heinous things that made me appreciate my life back home. However, when I got out and didn't have things that bad to remind me of how good things really are it was easy to get depressed especially when my symptoms were at their worst (I'll have nightmares of those 3am craps for the rest of my life lol). You just have to remember what you have around you, even though I don't have negative things to reinforce how good I have it, I instead have awesome things around all the time like my wife and daughter that I cannot take for granted. It just comes down to perspective. You are strong, just in a rough patch is all.

I'm sorry to get all deep. I probably open up more on these forums than I actually do in real life...must be the guile of anonymity either way I don't have people in my life that can relate to this disease so I hold this community close. Stay strong journey, you'll get to where you want to be. Just remember you're not alone in this struggle and you have a lot to be thankful for.
Posted 1/22/2014 3:12 AM (GMT 0)
Feeling victimized by illness is legitimate. But UC is - I think you invite trouble by saying it is emblematic.

Hopefully there will be headway in counseling.
Posted 1/22/2014 3:25 AM (GMT 0)
Have you talked to your doctor about medications? Maybe antidepressant for a short time? I recently found myself really struggling to cope with the stress/worry/anxiety of all this and sought help from a psychologist and also my GP for anti anxiety meds. If you find yourself unable to get over certain thoughts and its really affecting your daily life then maybe meds will help take the edge off things and help you see the good again.
Posted 1/22/2014 3:49 AM (GMT 0)
Toomuchpoopin, rabbit and everyone else, every since I was hospitalized twice for UC and then had a major relapse (not hospitalized again) -- I overreact to all mental and physical health issues, UC, my aching hip, anxiety, money worries, my insomnia (especially sleep because it exacerbates UC). I catastrophize! UC I feel I have control over and am at peace with, it's other issues, especially the insomnia, that throw me into despair. I found a antidepressant, trazadone, that worked, over time, though I have become super tired and depressed, they want to put me on an SSRI but none helps with sleeping AND they all make me rapidly gain 20+, get constipated Since getting off Lexapro, 17 pounds just melted away in 3 weeks. There's no free lunch with these meds, they all have side effects and some are unacceptable to me.

Anyway, I'm working on deep breathing and meditation now. I just look back at this post, and I say here I go again. Please don't encourage me.

I think for UC this group has been incredibly empowering and given me the strength to manage a formidable illness. I would be a mess without this group, whether I'm posting or just reading. Everyone is so courageous. But other stuff in my life, I feel I can't catch a break. Maybe I need to be with other support groups, but none seem to be as encouraging and supportive as this one. I mean, here I am bringing ALL my problems to you, not just UC, and everyone has reached out. That's great. Thank you.
Posted 1/22/2014 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
As a non-professional your issue sounds like post-traumatic stress, especially the insomnia, if your UC is not causing it or other meds. Or perhaps the insomnia itself is causing the mental anxiety.
Lack of quality sleep can cause all manner of mental problems.

I have no answers, just trying to identify major issues from what you've offered.
The question is: is insomnia the cause or is it the result of other causes.

Have you tried eliminating coffee and other stimulants for a week or so to see if that helps?
Posted 1/22/2014 4:43 AM (GMT 0)
Insomnia is the root of all my anxiety. When I sleep the world is wonderful. My GI is, like, sleep, at all cost.

Anyway, guess what guys, after I posted this evenign, I got this call from a cousin in New Jersey that I have never spoken to, she asked if I would visit her daughter in a psychiatric hospital out here in Chicago this weekend. She is 20 years old, bipolar, bulemic and injuring herself.

Being so wrapped up in my own problems, which include bipolar, maybe a little focus on someone else might be good for me.

An adventure awaits!
Posted 1/22/2014 5:45 AM (GMT 0)
Catastrophizing - - sounds like you might know a little bit about CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy.

I suggest checking it out further online or getting a book about it at the library. The "for Dummies" book about CBT is actually very good. Or asking your therapist to try this technique with you.



Also, you say you are diagnosed with bipolar? Are you currently medicated for that? I know that bipolar is VERY difficult to manage without medication.
Posted 1/22/2014 6:01 AM (GMT 0)
Reading through this thread feels therapeutic to me. It's what healing well is all about. People reaching out to each other, giving advice and support. Journey2health I care to hear about your problems and WOW the advice given here is great, thanks gary, rabbit, journey and the rest of you
Posted 1/22/2014 6:02 AM (GMT 0)
Reading through this thread feels therapeutic to me. It's what healing well is all about. People reaching out to each other, giving advice and support. Journey2health I care to hear about your problems and WOW the advice given here is great, thanks gary, rabbit, journey and the rest of you
Posted 1/22/2014 6:06 AM (GMT 0)
Oh and thanks katie! I live across the street from the library and will look for CBT for dummies...feeling hopeful.
Posted 1/22/2014 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
You need to be patient.Cronic pain can lead to cronic depression.Focus on the good in life & see if anti-depressants will help.I was in the hospital for 5 weeks in 1986.After I got out 1 month later my oldest sister took her own life.In 2004 my wife died in a car accident @ the age of 43.I focus on the good in life & realize others have had a harder life.BE POSSATIVE.
Posted 1/22/2014 12:51 PM (GMT 0)
This is a very good discussion post. i dont know how to explain it but i have got to a point with UC where the psychological trauma of it all just had to stop! You have to accept the illness positively. I know it sounds weird but this is what helps me do this;

1, I remind myself there is so much more to me then UC. I am an awesome father (lol) a good husband, brother and I am doing great in my career. Lets face it we pretty much ignore the positives in our lives

2, Colitis is awful granted. BUT it is not life threatening. Our brain works , our hands and feet work and worst to worst we can have surgery and although not the same as not having to have it I keep telling myself it will not end me I have a lot to live for.

3, We are all awesome. Many of us keep fighting when most would not be able to. We keep trying sometimes against very difficult odds. There are plenty of examples of people here who have not given up and succeeded I have so much respect for all of you as well as myself. Bottom line is keep fighting and see it as positive

4, Lastly and most importantly. Practice the above all the time and what do you end up with? A more positive mindset in the face of a difficult challenge. Will this make you worse? hell no. If anything my bowel is so much calmer now that i dont worry and stress as much. Remember if you reflect back on your day you will find positive things have happened that we did not even count because of coitis. Dont let this disease beat you into that kind of submission

Good luck to all of you on your way to a solution whether it be remission surgery or otherwise.
Posted 1/22/2014 2:31 PM (GMT 0)
Just want to say there are some very good responses here. I am also starting meditation as I am hoping it can help to cope with all difficulties in life. Good luck to everyone who is dealing w/ this disease and other difficulties.
B
Posted 1/23/2014 4:12 AM (GMT 0)
Deep breathing, a life saver. This thread is so helpful. I'm so inspired by the courage of folks with UC and all else that life has thrown at them. I can say that UC triggered pervasive anxiety, but on the other hand I'm very proud of how I've gotten on top of it and stay vigilant.
Posted 1/23/2014 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
I took a Mindfulness/CBT course last year at my local hospital. It's helped greatly.
Posted 1/24/2014 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
I just wanted to say you will have good days and bad days, your good days will be more and more. I hope you feel better today. Just sending you a hug I know how upsetting it all can be. Kick and scream and yell and cry if you have to, I have many times. Watch a lot of funny shows and movies, just laugh and laugh. I love the office reruns!
Posted 1/24/2014 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
You might want to have your doctor run some lab tests- especially liver and kidney function. Years ago I was on what retrospectively showed was a too high dose of Imuran. After a while I really just felt like throwing in the towel..and mentioned this to my doc who ran some tests. My liver enzymes were totally whacked out. After drastically reducing Imuran dose (from like 200 to 75) I gradually began to feel better and like a layer of pain/malaise/depression had lifted. Could be some other biological reason that is contributing to your current state
cheers and a big hug
Moss
Posted 1/24/2014 2:45 PM (GMT 0)
My last year with UC I was in despair and felt the exact feelings you are experiencing. I also sought counseling for chronic illness and found it helpful. The only other thing I can recommend is yoga and walking. Both of those activities helped lift the depression; activity raises endorphin levels and is a natural antidepressant. It also helps induce sleep. If you're not too actively ill, you might try more exercise as a means to sleep.

Sue
Posted 1/26/2014 8:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Girl... Since I'm back now I hope I can be of some assistance... ;)

I too have been feeling down in the DUMPS at times... Although I have an amazing life now, this friggen disease just won't leave me alone! I was in remission off and on for the last 3 years, but my flares were always pretty mild and controllable with Canasa... now I'm having pain throughout my colon and even though I'm a "happy ray of sunshine" on the outside, on the inside I feel as though maybe I'm really not appreciating my new happy life like I should and THATS why I'm flaring...Or it could be that I'm worried about our business because we need to expand and hire more employees and we are buying a house and I have taxes to pay and OMG the list goes on... And maybe THATS why I'm flaring... I know that sounds totally absurd, but my twisted mind from this disease just keeps trying to find a "CAUSE" or a "REASON" as to why I am sick again.. it seems to ignore the fact that I just have a chronic illness and have to find a way to deal with it... Gah...

Anyhow I am wondering how old you are.. I am 50 now... Ugh, can't believe I just admitted that... But I have found that MENOPAUSE has played a huge part in my emotional well being... I can have times where I am feeling like I am going crazy, hot flashes, mood swings (although I never get *****y, just sad) Sometimes I feel this crazy brain fog and know that I shouldn't even be behind the wheel of my truck, just because I am not thinking clearly and really having a hard time paying attention... I did try and go on hormone replacement therapy but it caused my U/C to flare up and the bleeding would begin... I'd go off the hormones and within a week or two the bleeding would stop so I tried hormones again and whamo... more blood... So I'm going through menopause the way they did in the caveman days...LOL... NO meds, just gotta hang in there and get through it.. And the insomnia... OY VEY... Here it is.. 2am and I'm writing you this post..wide flippen awake.. LOL... Just can't sleep much these days without a Xanax and I'm getting low on those so I'm rationing them now.. I may be way off base as far as anything you need to hear and maybe not helping you a bit.. but I hope that somehow I am...I am finding it a bit difficult to make sense at 2am... lol... XOXO
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