HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

dating dating dating....

Support Forums
>
Ulcerative Colitis
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 2/10/2014 7:52 PM (GMT 0)
when do you have the "i have ulcerative colitis" conversation? how do you have it?
what was it like for you when this happened?

i am clueless on this one.
Posted 2/10/2014 8:47 PM (GMT 0)
Like anything with dating you say something when the time is right, which could be different in everyone. Once the relationship gets serious as in dating exclusively I would tell them ASAP before it is too late. If the relationshiop falls apart, it falls apart. If you wait too long then you could ruin a good relationship.
Posted 2/10/2014 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
Certainly not a first date thing, but it will come up eventually. Preferably, you'll wait until you know the person well enough and you feel comfortable telling them about your condition. However, procrastinate too long and uc will intervene and force itself into the conversation. Some are real understanding, perhaps even know a friend or relative with a similar issue. Others react badly and those are the kind of people you don't want to have in your life.

It has been discussed here before:

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=38&m=2547647

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=38&m=992239
Posted 2/10/2014 9:16 PM (GMT 0)
I dread, dread, dread the day I have to tell a prospective partner I have an ileostomy. I'd rather have an hour-long conversation with a double-glazing salesman.

Admittedly this day is quite far off. And by 'quite far off', I mean probably until the end of the universe far off.
Posted 2/10/2014 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
I told my fiancee on our first meeting off of match.com. I had been having too many instances of being in the bathroom when women I was meeting off of match showed up at the coffee shops I was meeting them at. So, I gave in and posted on my profile that I had health challenges but I handle them okay. We got the talk out of the way and it wasn't a big deal.

I think usually though if you're not flaring badly you could probably wait around 3 weeks to a month and a half. I told my fiancee I loved her after only a couple months and meant it. It'd be weird to be in love with someone who didn't know about your problems...

NiceCupofTea... we need to work on your self esteem!!! ;)
Posted 2/10/2014 9:36 PM (GMT 0)
I bet even zombies find love - you're not even close to a zombie tea girl -

now a zombie WITH a colosto thingy, that might be a problem for me !

:-)

Post Edited (soystud) : 2/10/2014 3:49:00 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/10/2014 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
well, they do have those "sexy diapers" now (an oxymoron if there ever was one) that makes your bum look even more shapely than w/o a diaper- for some of us) tongue
Honestly, I got so sick could hardly leave the house and needed to focus on getting well rather then getting a mate, so I pulled myself offline.....
Posted 2/10/2014 10:01 PM (GMT 0)
What Soy is trying to say is that if he found love anyone can!

;)
Posted 2/10/2014 10:16 PM (GMT 0)
i'm pretty sure my UC scares everyone away so I never have a boyfriend. nobody wants to deal with that crap anyway so i can't blame anything but this disease for my single lady status.
Posted 2/10/2014 10:21 PM (GMT 0)
maybe it's all that sauerkraut stuck in your teeth bgirl

;-)
Posted 2/10/2014 10:29 PM (GMT 0)
here's a good article someone sent me: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/12/love-in-the-time-of-chronic-illness/282477/
Posted 2/10/2014 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
soystud, i figured it was the baggie of bacon i carry around in my purse, but you might be right!
Posted 2/10/2014 10:50 PM (GMT 0)
"What Soy is trying to say is that if he found love anyone can!"


truer words aint never been spoked t man !
Posted 2/10/2014 10:51 PM (GMT 0)
LOL bgirl !
Posted 2/10/2014 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
One interesting thing about dating (and relevant to UC) is that we share the microbes of the ones we interact with, both through physical and sexual contact. It is very possible for someone to expand their microdiversity profile by choosing the right mate. See more here.

I suppose this is why diversity is generally thought to be the key to sustaining and flourishing life. We are not only our microbes, but we are the microbes of those we surround ourselves with.

Choose wisely, my friends!
Posted 2/10/2014 11:08 PM (GMT 0)
Just remember, everybody has something. Be it physical or emotional. Believe me on this one.
Posted 2/10/2014 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
Do you know the Russian word "glasnost"? It was the policy of open speaking about everything introduced by Gorbachev and in consequence The Soviet Union fell apart. So I think that too much glasnost is not the best idea, that's why i say i have ibs as it sounds more elegant :)
Posted 2/11/2014 1:29 AM (GMT 0)
Well I told the last girl that I was seeing on the second date about my UC and she was really cool about it. She also knew someone that had Crohns. It just kind of came up because we were already having a really good conversation. I didn't really get into detail about it, kind of just scratched the surface.. Save the nasty details for a little later, but I am sure anyone who is worth dating would understand if you tell them about this chronic disease.. its not as rare as many would think.. most people know at least one person with either Crohns or Colitis. it's also not like you have the power to change it.. Anyone you are dating should know eventually though because this disease never goes in remission forever. Also as for dating, I wouldn't mind dating someone else with this disease, in fact, I probably would prefer it over someone who doesn't have it because they would understand how UC affects your day to day life and it would be one more thing we would have in common. That's my contribution... lol
Posted 2/11/2014 1:31 AM (GMT 0)
We would also know when to stay away from each other (hence high doses of prednisone)
Posted 2/11/2014 3:04 AM (GMT 0)

soystud said...
I bet even zombies find love - you're not even close to a zombie tea girl -

I can tell you've never seen me in the mornings ¬_¬

Thoreau said...
NiceCupofTea... we need to work on your self esteem!!! ;)

Certainly. Just let me finish my meal first.... mmmmm, human brain. Tasty :p

Anyway, goodnight folks: I'll try to think of a more serious reply tomorrow (with my vast realms of relationship experience.... me and my laptop have a very enduring relationship >_>). But for now I need to go to bed and get yet another night of crappy quality, unrefreshing sleep >_<. Better than no sleep, I suppose... :-/
Posted 2/11/2014 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
I haven't dated since I've been dealing with various health issues since 18 (and my fields of study in college and grad school were very female-dominated, so no chance meetings at school). I used to worry about what I'd tell someone about my health issues...but then I joined match and realized there isn't anyone out there that I would actually want to spend time with, so no need to worry! I'll continue my enduing relationship with my laptop and TV :)

In all seriousness, maybe it's because I've gotten older and have been dealing with health stuff for the past 7 years, if I did ever date, I wouldn't feel the need to apologize for my health problems or anything like that. It's not like I chose to have these issues. And it sucks that I've missed out on the typical young adult experience, but I can't change the past.
Posted 2/11/2014 4:07 PM (GMT 0)
Lucky for me (i guess you could say, haha) I was already with my boyfriend when I was diagnosed. We went from the bathroom being a private place to him getting daily updates of my BMs overnight lol. He stayed with me for days on end while I was in the hospital and heard and smelled things that nobody should!

If I were just dating someone I would tell them very early on. I wouldn't have it in me to try and hide it all the time. The right person with the right heart won't give a hoot about it.
Posted 2/11/2014 4:09 PM (GMT 0)
And I literally just got a text from my boyfriend "How are your poops today?" True love??
Posted 2/11/2014 4:27 PM (GMT 0)
Haven't dated since being diagnosed last August...I find it easy to be upfront with my friends though so I'm thinking I would bring it up around the 4th date or so if the conversation permitted and things were going well.
Posted 2/11/2014 4:58 PM (GMT 0)
seems to me it all depends (LOL) on what kind of dating you are doing (or what gender you are, since we all know what it is WE want) -

if you are just dating for fun, laughs, and someone to look at while you're eating, then don't say a word - or wait, then I guess it wouldn't matter since you're not looking for anything longer than 5 minutes -

but if you are in the market for a wife, husband or whatever, then you probably want to lay the box of enemas on the table or wear a colostomy bag around your neck on the first date - why waste your time if you're looking for the love of your miserable life :-)

geez, I don't have a clue actually - my wife had to deal with it from the beginning just like I did -
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12