OT - the unknown

Pluot,
SCREW IT AND PURSUE YOUR DREAMS

When faced with big decisions I always ask "what's the worst that can happen" and then do what my heart/gut knew all along. Questioning is good, letting your analytical brain have a shot at telling you all the gotcha's you'll be facing but the gut/heart make the big decisions don't they?

So for you, the worst that can happen is that after you make this move to a new city and degree program you could get sick, have to take time off from school and have no family nearby to support you. This is probably a temporary situation because if it lasts too long you'll make new decisions.

I remember Dear Abby (or her sister Ann Landers) answering someone age 50 who wanted to go back to school and get a law degree but was worried that they'd be over 50 when they graduated. She said "How old will you be then if you don't go back to school?" That may not make much sense but Time keeps passing and we only get so much of it before we die. It's our choice how to use the time we have.

Sounds like since you've had surgery you've been fine health wise. Why keeping thinking you have to hold back because of UC? I don't have UC anymore....at least that's how I feel even though technically I know I'm still classified as a UC patient. I say pursue your dreams....you're young and have your whole life in front of you. And you're not sick anymore! :)

I say go for it! It is terrifying leaving the known for the unknown, but not taking the chance and living with regret is not high on most people's lists of life goals either.

Is it a master's program? I'd go for it. If it's a longer program, I'd say that you should go for it ... depending on the state you'd be in.

I'm not sure if I agree with everyone. I think it's a financial decision and those are tough.

When I quit everything (job, insurance, etc.) and moved to a different city to get a bachelor's degree I cashed out my 401K. I had to pay back some taxes but I used the money from the account. For several years I didn't work at all but I had about $30,000-$40,000 to fall back on.

Later when I got my grad degree my employer paid for it, because I was working at that university! Not everything was paid for, but about 98% was.

If you think you can recover financially maybe it will work.

I agree with JohnPhx. This is a financial decision.
It's easy for people to say Money (and security) Isn't Everything but if you incur a lot of student debt and cannot find a job that pays well, the lack of money can be VERY stressful.

You say you have small savings. IMHO, you should have at least enough to support yourself for a year, maybe more.

Several years ago I was a hiring manager. I interviewed a lot of very over-qualified people who would take a job that was clearly not going to pay at the level they deserved just to get the benefits you already have. (And to pay student loans.)

You don't say what field you want to move into. Is it a field where there is a growing number of jobs?

Is there a possibility of taking classes while working for your current employer to qualify for a different career path?

Just things to consider.
IAS

Oh great, now I have my own type of post... lol. If anyone out there thinks I really need to stop them let me know. I just find that lifestyle is a huge part of living a healthy life, so it seems like it pertains on here!

Pluot, I have some thoughts. I know I seem lost sometimes with my posts, but it's because I prefer to assume I know less than enough rather than assuming I'm really smart. It gets me further in life because I'm really willing to listen and learn from others.

When I make a post like this it is to gauge the collective life experiences of all who respond, in hopes that maybe I can skip a few lessons learned the hard way.

What I have to say is that in general choosing directions in life is easier if you take your time. Everyone will say pursue your dreams, and for good reason. However, you need to really know your values, and to picture the worst case scenario, as imagardener mentioned.

I personally do want to go to school, get a great education in a field I'm interested in, and pursue a work/life balance that works great for me. However, if I look at things analytically I have to admit that my business has done well for me over the past few years, and that I should really take this opportunity while it is still working well for me. All or nothing thinking is difficult to recognize and understand, but making a decision quickly is in effect a bit of this very way of thinking. The fact is that it is not a now or never scenario... you very likely could gain acceptance again later if you wanted to.

One fact of life that I see is that if you give things time and have patience life tends to blend new things into our lives rather than slamming us with a completely new existence. What I mean by this is that sure, you may be scared about giving up good benefits. However, it is likely that once you make your changes piece by piece you will find the health benefits you truly need in a form that works well for you.

You need to essentially know how you really want to live your life, and weigh any changes it will take to get there versus what your life would look like if you don't change things.

From your post I do not see compelling evidence to stay where you are and give up the dream school. Either way financially you will be okay most likely. You may give up close relationships being nearby for a while, but chances are you will make new ones that you will cherish. There doesn't seem to be any other serious issue here.

Any new change in life that has significant differences from the life you are presently living is going to give you anxiety that feels like cold feet. I sold a home that I built from the ground up 5 years ago. I sold it because I knew I wanted to downsize, live around more people, and get closer to my lifestyle goals. Well, once the purchase agreement was signed by the buyer and I, I got extremely scared and worried I had done the wrong thing. The thing that kept me halfways sane is that I had journaled about the benefits of doing this for over half a year before finally doing it. Within a week of closing I was ecstatic at the life change I had made to better my life.

If you have known for a long time that you really wanted this change in your life then it is most likely just nerves responding to changes rather than resistance. True resistance feels VERY similar to the normal nervous feeling, except that you're able to rationally push through the normal nerves... whereas the true resistance will leave you realizing that you are in fact making the wrong decision, because it truly doesn't line up with what you want from your life at this time.

I think you should try this change out. Perhaps setting up a few contingency plans for if your worries do come true would help you feel more comfortable with the idea. Also, pay attention to what your heart says about the timing. Again, it will take close attention to know for sure, but you should be able to make this change without a considerable amount of mental stress that lasts for more than a couple weeks.

Glad to hear you're pursuing or at the very least considering your dreams!! :)

Post Edited (Thoreau) : 2/28/2014 10:08:07 PM (GMT-7)

Liz, at 26 I think you would do well to follow your dreams. You'll have time left to recoup any financial losses, and your health is probably as good as it ever will be. If you were, say, 46 I might have a different opinion.

Thoreau said...
Everyone will say pursue your dreams, and for good reason. However, you need to really know your values, and to picture the worst case scenario, as imagardener mentioned.

I hope I didn't offend by namechecking you buddy :) I like that you are so thoughtful about your decisions! I think you are right about letting values guide me. To be honest I didn't feel as motivated to pursue the perfect career before I got sick because I thought I would probably be focusing on raising a family within a few years. I know it's a HIGHLY personal choice but since getting sick I've come to a decision that feels right for me that I won't be having children any time in the near future. I could imagine possibly adopting later in life but that image I had of myself when I was younger as a mom in my 20s is absolutely not happening. I find that I am more focused on my career now for satisfaction/fulfillment in life and my current job is not enough.

I have enough savings to do the first year of school (tuition and living expenses) completely debt free. I have retirement savings too which I won't have to touch at all (I have no intention of dipping into that until I, you know, retire!) I think the worst case scenario is that school turns out to not be right for me, or I find that I'm not physically up for it, and I go back to my old job or something similar in the same industry. I'll be poorer but I won't be in debt and I'll still be hirable after a year break.

Your support and opinions mean a lot to me. I'm the kind of person who has to talk out every decision with everyone around me (even my friends who knew nothing about UC, I explained enough to them about surgery so that we could discuss it when I was deciding!) and I really value getting input from you all who understand that part of my life in a way that the other people in my life don't.

Don't you EVER let this sonofa*****in' disease stop you from anything, you hear us????

GO!!!!!!!!!!

What will you study? Are there jobs in that field?

So many are going on to grad school just because there are no jobs, I think it has affected the value of a graduate degree. My gut reaction is keep your job while you search for another job in the other career that doesn't require a graduate degree, and don't risk ending up with nothing but an expensive diploma.

For example, there is a HUGE glut of attorneys right now, few jobs.