"life long disease" is sinking in....

At my last GI appointment the doctor wrote me enough prescriptions incase I have to up my asacol to the max 6 pills per day and enough suppositories to use every day for three months until I see him again, just incase I need them. He explained to me about upping and tapering meds if a flare gets crazy again. I kinda thought, ok, I get it, this is something I'm going to be working with from now on, kinda like a diabetic. Well, I dropped off the scripts at the pharmacy and she asked me if I wanted to fill all three months at once to save on dispensing fees and save time not coming in every month. I said sure, why not, as long as my insurance covers three months at a time, and they did. Well..... I went to collect my meds.... The pharmacist was piling them all on the counter....I actually burst out laughing at the sight of these giant tubs of pills. I didn't really realize the doc wrote it as 6 pills/day for three month (just in case) lol, so now I have these giant Costco size tubs of asacol, and I must look like some kinda butt fetish weirdo with a pile of 90 suppositories. They had to give me a giant sack of a bag just to cart my pharma-loot home. Then at home, seeing all of this medication....it hit me.... I'm going to be on this crap for life... Dealing with the struggle of my butt kicking its own butt...forever. I think reality is finally kicking in. Very sad.

As you already addressed, many people have medical issues for life and you just learn to deal with them. Ours kind of sucks but it could be worse. At least that's what I keep on telling myself.

For eight years i dealt with the reality of it. Only being able to go anywhere once my colon was empty after numerous urgent bathroom trips every morning. 36 pills per day, enemas, eye drops, biologics, suppositories, steroids, and more.
then one day i realized i couldnt live like this anymore. I watched and learned everything there was to know about foods, chemicals, nutrition and dealing with stress. After changing every aspect of my life in a matter of months all of the medication became unnecessary. What worked for me may not suit you but it may not always be the burden that it is today.
I am living proof that the disease can be undone and life can be resumed. I had no signs of uc at my last scope and my doctor wanted to know why it took me so long. He also told me if everyone lived like I have been doing that he would be outta a job. The food i buy is not cheap but its still cheaper than all the medication i once used just to barely get by on a daily basis.
You will find your zen just never stop trying!
:)

Weirdly enough, I never really had this problem with Crohn's, but I do with an ostomy. I just never had that many meds for Crohn's. I had no 5-ASAs, because I couldn't tolerate them and they are not worth taking for severe Crohn's anyhow. The only times I got a lot of meds was on being discharged from hospital; prednisolone, omezaprole, Calcium/Vitamin D tablets and painkillers were the usual stuff, along with antibiotics a couple of times and a box of Pentasa once. Even so, I could fit it all into a single small box, Pentasa excluded.

Now I have two large boxes worth of ostomy supplies. Half of me wants to stuck up in the event of an emergency; the other half can't stand having all this crap hanging around. Don't think anyone likes the feeling of being dependent on medical supplies for the rest of their life. 5-ASAs are at least a relatively minor drug in the general scheme of things. I had an uncle who lived with type 1 diabetes for over 50 years, and that always seemed a bit grim. As well as obviously having a lifelong dependency on insulin, diabetes can be a very dangerous disease with some horrific side-effects (thankfully none of which my uncle ever got, but it probably helped he was extremely conscientious about sticking to his diet).

Absolutely nobody wants this $h1t in their lives, but some of us end up with it anyway. Which sucks :-/

Some people do heal. We are here, trying to show our paths. Maybe one day you'll find your own way out or science will catch up.

I feel ya girl.
atleast you have your sense of humor. Gotta have it with this disease.
and honestly... if I didnt have my girls that I talk to on an almost daily basis... I dont know what id do.

If I crap my pants... or discover an alien colony has grown where my butthole used to be (seriously... these hemmies are ridiculous! ) I just text a UC friend in PA or email my UC girl in California.
And twitter. I post lots of funny little things on twitter. As do other UCers.

Im thankful that atleast I have really funny people who are also stuck with this life long illness

It is life long yes but take it day by day. Each day you're doing better is a good day. All these worries about it being life long will not help you.

Thanks guys. At least I have you, and you "get" it.

I agree with Andrina. And can't wait to get to where Sara is! lol

I am not quite grateful yet for my UC. I am sure one day I will see that side of it. Maybe once I get into remission :P lol

Keep ur head up poopin... you know we are here dealing with the same junk! <3
Feel free to email me if you ever want to talk! :)

Bahaha,you guys make me laugh. The things we think about. I keep referring to it (to my close people) as my "glamorous pooping disease" it's such a bum deal, isn't it? Yeah, I get it, this too shall pass and all that...but really? This just effing sucks. The biggest thing I'm struggling is the not knowing. How do you ever make plans in advance? How can I plan a vacation even two months in advance? How can I safely start a new job, or o back to school for a masters, or anything like that...never knowing if tomorrow will be the day I'm sick and useless laying in a hospital bed. Stupid crappy guts...grumble grumble. Part of it is stress/big changes at work. These things never bothered me before because I always knew I could easily find a new job if it came to that, and that was always a reassuring feeling. Now? I feel trapped. I need the health insurance, I need the stability and the understanding in case I get ill again...how can I start new? Nobody's going to keep me past any probationary period if I spend my days in the work bathroom. Argh.