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*OT* Should I find a new forum??

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Posted 3/29/2014 9:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hello All,

I don't post here often, but I do read a lot of the threads. I know I haven't been a member on here that long, but I feel like I have something to contribute, seeing that I've dealt with UC for a little while.

Maybe I am just too sensitive, but I have to say that at times I feel like this group is kind of cliquish. When I do post, I feel like people are correcting me or challenging what I have to say.

Are the veteran members the only ones that have any weight to their answers here? If so, I guess I need to find a new forum to join. confused
Posted 3/29/2014 9:26 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry you feel that way. I think everyone has something to offer, whether it's a mainstream option or an alternative, I am sure there are many people who benefit from your advice. As a moderator, I guess I have been able to distance myself from cliquish behavior. I know there are users with very strong opinions and often, it feels pointless to chime in when they are involved. I admit, I avoid that type of situation as well. If I notice people "ganging up" or making people feel unwelcome, I try to make things fair for everyone. Please feel free to email me if you notice people treating you or others badly. Me and the other moderators want everyone to be comfortable and aware that their contributions are appreciated.
Posted 3/29/2014 9:35 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you! :)

I can't say I have I've ever been ganged up on, it just feels like my opinions are unimportant. I'm sure people don't mean to make me feel that way, but it really does. Maybe it's just because the veteran members know each other pretty well and I really don't. Like I said, I'm probably just too sensitive.

Other times I have posted on threads and felt completely ignored when trying to chime in. The reason I said it feels cliquish is because the other members joke around and are having fun, but us newer ones can't seem to join the "club." Does that make sense?
Posted 3/29/2014 9:41 PM (GMT 0)
I hope you will hang around. Remember we were all newbies at one point :)
Posted 3/29/2014 9:51 PM (GMT 0)
maybe just take a break - I do sometimes - this group evolves so fast and so often, it's hard for me to keep up - that's what makes it so great to me - new members, new ideas, not the same old folks blabbering about the same old stuff -

it would be nice if we could pick and choose members - if I could, I'd have more nssg's and less ....... me :-)

but what fun would that be - this forum provides all of the daily requirements of personality types - ones that enlighten us, some that make us laugh when we need it most, some that make us crazy, and some that piss us off - kinda like life in general - and all we have to do is sit here and enjoy it - or not ;-)
Posted 3/29/2014 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
I feel I'm an odd person out here because I had surgery. I only stick around to help people asking about surgery (and perhaps some other things I had experience with) because I remember how scared I was facing it. I certainly don't feel the warm fuzzies here but I don't care.

Stick around....your opinions and ideas are as good as anyone's else's. :)
Posted 3/29/2014 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
I apologize for any harm done.

Let's create a new beginning. :)
Posted 3/29/2014 9:56 PM (GMT 0)
sadly, I do know what you mean. When I first joined this forum, it was a life-saver to me. I must have posted 20 posts a day, all crying about things other "veteran" UC'ers had been going thru for years. And pretty much every single post was responded to with thoughtful, caring, patient answers & support. Over the past year or so, I've noticed the tone of the posts changing- no sooner does one post something then someone else jumps all over them, stating just how wrong you are, why your questions/beliefs are silly, & telling you that if you only did A, B & C, you'd be fine, UC in remission! Where is the support in that??? Snide, sarcasm, snarky remarks... all fair game here! Being a veteran member myself now, I can honestly say that if I were just finding this forum I don't know that I'd feel comfortable joining or posting. When I started spending more time on the ostomy forum, here & on other websites, I found the support I was looking for, no arguments. Stick it out, by all means- you can't take anything on the internet personally. But it does bum me out- seems like everyone is just insistent on "the cause", when in reality, when I've just crapped my pants for the 5th time in 1 day, I really don't care, or need, the cause.
Posted 3/29/2014 10:01 PM (GMT 0)
I got pretty sensitive to one members tone towards me for a bit... but I left for a couple days and got over it. Decided her attitude is just how she is and I dont take it personal anymore. Now I almost enjoy it. But I do try to stick up for others which has earned me some nasty comments too. Lol.
oh well. Isa just the internet. And like soy said... with things evolving ... new members new questions. Our little spat isnt important, helping other people is.

As for newbie and veteran status... pretty sure my # of posts has earned me veteran status... but im a a bit of a newb too! Diagnosed 9 months ago and on the boards for 5 months.
I just am really passionate about UC and how I was treated by my doctors when I first got sick. This place changed everything around for me.
healingwell is my hero!

So I try to stay on top of helping others. I like helping new people but sometimes I have advice for everyone... being on the boards and talking with IBDers on Twitter a lot... ive picked up some good knowledge.
but im also in a 9 month long flare. That's a lot of toilet time and bed rest to be on the internet! Lol

You aren't "too" sensitive. It wss b allsy to make this post, so kudos!

You'll find your niche. Focus on the newbies for a while and the vets will get used to you around.
Posted 3/29/2014 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks, everyone! I really appreciate all the responses! I am feeling better now. :)

I try not to take things personally, but sometimes my feelings get in the way. Hey, I am a female after all.... Lol. Stand back and throw chocolate at me! :-D

And I know exactly what you mean, Eva Lou. I may be in remission now, but I have spent many, many days having one accident right after another.
Posted 3/29/2014 10:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hey JJ :)

Sorry if I ever said anything that made you feel unwelcome. This site is very busy and I haven't been at the point where I can respond to every post lately, but I hope you'll stay and enjoy our help as much as you can. We're all right there with ya regarding this disease, and would love to have you stay.

Hope the weekend is treating you nicely!
Posted 3/29/2014 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you! :)
Posted 3/29/2014 10:51 PM (GMT 0)
JJ: Sorry if you took my posts in the other thread personally. They weren't intended that way. It's just that you had worded your post in the Asacol thread as if there was no way the Asacols found in the poster's stool could have medicine inside of them. It is important for the OP to know that that isn't always the case and that at times, in some people, they can go right through without opening. Everyone's voice is important here even if they have opposing views. With as many members as there are here, most with a chronic disease, and many taking drugs with side effects, often from many different countries, there are often times where there are many differing ideas on many subjects. It's virtually impossible for everyone to agree on everything all the time but it is important for someone asking a question to get as many differing views as possible so they can make the most informed decision possible. We need your input as well. Everyone brings something to the table.
Posted 3/29/2014 10:54 PM (GMT 0)
Some of the veterans are just straight and to the point...they don't sugar coat things. There are a few whose approach could use a bit of tweaking but I've learned to ignore it and unless I am seeing people being downright nasty to each other I leave it alone.

And remember, being on a computer you can't always tell the tone someone is posting something in. :)
Posted 3/29/2014 10:57 PM (GMT 0)
Heck, I don't even have UC and I post and view everyday. I love the personalities here, and the seriousness with which we respond when someone is in trouble. Try to offer insights from a friendly place, and it will reach someone else....maybe even someone too frightened to post. We all have valid opinions and intrepations. Stay and enjoy.
Posted 3/29/2014 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks, Gary, I really do appreciate it! :) I think your comments back to me were just the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I have felt this way before after commenting on threads, but just let it go.

Maybe the problem then is just in how I am wording my responses? I will make sure to state that my comments are from my personal experience only, but there are differing views and experiences. Nothing is really across the board when it comes to this disease.
Posted 3/29/2014 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, it is true that you can't read tone! Some people do have more blunt personalities than others. I will stay around and maybe I'll toughen up, lol...
Posted 3/30/2014 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
JJ..Your right it is a bit cliquish, I noticed it straight away, but I don't mind too much, many people have been on here years, so they are bound to have formed chummy relationships...what I don't like though is when I respond to someones post and they reply to all their "friends" and I'm passed over...its just rude.

I do think its a great site though, it really helps people a lot, especially the folks that are in remission, and continue to come on here and help others, because some of these people really need it, they are desperate...that's why I like this place, and the knowledgeable people on it that give their time.
Posted 3/30/2014 12:46 AM (GMT 0)
I'm new here, new to all this and I try to add my two cents in when I can. I think maybe some of the veterans come off harshly, but I find it more in a nagging mother tone, coming out of concern. I'm new, but I like it here! Hope you stick around. The more input we get from all spectrums the better this forum will be.
Posted 3/30/2014 12:59 AM (GMT 0)
I sure have learned a lot from this forum, but when I post here, or anywhere on the internet, I don't have any expectation that people will comment on, praise, or even acknowledge my posted comments. I expect those who address me directly will probably be those who disagree with what I have written. Kinda reminds me of a blog I regularly read, where the author was complaining that when she posts a comment on someone else's blog, her feelings are hurt if they don't reply to her post and then also reciprocate by commenting on her blog, and it just seemed to me like a really odd thing to have hurt feelings about. I actually don't care if others here already have an ongoing friendernetship (that's a friendship on the internet) and talk directly to each other in a thread and don't include me. Why would I? We're all for the most part adults and hopefully have moved beyond that middle-school mentality of worrying about feeling ignored by the "cool" kids. (P.S. - not calling any of you on this forum cool kids, since all we talk about are colons which are most def not cool.)

But we ALL have bad days where we feel like everything is personal and we all deserve the opportunity to vent about it. So vent away!
Posted 3/30/2014 1:02 AM (GMT 0)
katmom - me too! I don't have UC either, just a wacky GI tract but everyone is so nice and supportive on this particular forum. I love it here. No one has ever kicked me out (yet!), lol.
Posted 3/30/2014 1:02 AM (GMT 0)
Eleventyseven...."author was complaining that when she posts a comment on someone else's blog, her feelings are hurt if they don't reply to her post and then also reciprocate by commenting on her blog, and it just seemed to me like a really odd thing to have hurt feelings about.".....interesting, but that's not quite the same thing as what I was referring to is it? :-)
Posted 3/30/2014 1:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hey JJ - You've endured Pancolitis for 12 years... You rank up there quite high in the "toughness category" that's for sure.

It's crazy how fast time goes actually now that I think about it. I was diagnosed probably around the same time as you. It seems like there was "normal life" then a 12 years of some sort of strange, intensely painful, semi-blank state, and now remission and some relief... and all in the blink of an eye. To this day I always feel as if I'm "missing" some part of my life. Hard to describe.

Endurance... it's the one thing we all have in common on here, be it 6 months or 40 years. The ability to just keep pushing on and Endure when we have no other option.

It's a tough group.
Posted 3/30/2014 2:45 AM (GMT 0)
JJ, don't take it too personally if one of us doesn't respond to a response you post. I do try to post a short reply at least to anyone who has taken the time to have input on something I've posted, but once in a while if there are many similar replies I put a reply more towards everyone. Also, once in a while I'll reply to some and then end up so busy that I don't get back to something. I can post something on a weekend, and then be so wrapped up in work during the week that there's a chance I miss something.

You're definitely deserving of responses most of the time though... I just hope you don't over-worry if something gets missed. I post things that people miss sometimes, and I'm okay with it. It's impossible to be perfect in responding to threads that you have no control how long they go on.

:)
Posted 3/30/2014 4:35 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks again, everyone!

I honestly don't expect to have every one of my comments and posts answered... It just seemed like I was on the outside looking in, I guess you could say. I feel better after my little rant and seeing how responsive you have all been! :)
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