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Posted 5/8/2014 7:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hey All,

I have been dating on and off with a J pouch, and I've realized from experience I guess it is not best to tell a guy on the second date about your condition. I just don't know what to do when i'm seriously dating someone or even staying over a guys place and I go to the bathroom and make those terrible noises. Does anyone else feel that their stool smells so much worse after J pouch surgery? On a positive note, that is really one of my only complaints and I know it is silly. I just feel that a lot of people are already involved in a serious relationship before they decide to choose the path of surgery. I'm 27 and trying to date guys, but afraid they would run if they knew what it sounds like when we go to the bathroom. Oh and the only reason why I told a guy about my condition was because it is the reason why I'm going back to school. I want to be a stoma nurse and help out people like us :)

As for those of you who are considering not getting the surgery because of the cons- don't listen. This really has given me back my life. When I had UC, I had to wear diapers in order to go out with my friends in fear I would defecate in my pants. I would also be more than willing to talk to anyone who is nervous and unsure about the surgery, just let me know and I'll leave my email! I know it is extremely scary, but the end result is worth it!

Thanks so much,

Chrissey
Posted 5/8/2014 7:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Chrissey,

I think it's great that you are going to school to become a nurse. I don't have a J-pouch so I can't really help but I think you're a strong woman and that good things are in your future.
Posted 5/8/2014 8:02 PM (GMT 0)
I can tell you my stool was WAY smellier when I still had UC! No comparison. Anyway, glad to hear you are doing well. :) I'm really happy with my j pouch too. And when you meet the right guy, he won't run away just because you have loud bm's! People with colons have loud bm's too. I'm married to one! Lol

Thanks for sharing! There aren't enough success stories posted because those people are out living their lives.
Posted 5/8/2014 8:03 PM (GMT 0)
I've no dating advice, but I'm glad you are happy with your surgery. It's definitely an option I'm open to if I can't get things figured out with meds and diet. Although I would prefer a jpouch for the obvious reason of not having to have a bag, I'm just a bit nervous that there may be potential for more complications rather than just getting a permanent ileostomy.
Posted 5/8/2014 8:05 PM (GMT 0)
Just for statistical purposes, but how many BM do you have per day with your J-Pouch, Chrissey ?
Posted 5/8/2014 8:34 PM (GMT 0)
SomeDude,

Are you conducting a survey? You need more than one person for the survey.

My surgeon's statistic is 83% of his J-pouch patients' are 4-6 bms a day after 12 months post take-down.

ChrisM,

I have one more surgery to go, take-down should be in June so I can't comment yet but maybe there is something like the M-9 Ostomy drops to help with the smell. Or bring your purse into the bathroom with you and keep a deodorizing spray in your bag.

I was amazed by the ostomy nurses that treated me in the hospital, they were so helpful and knowledgeable; they just reassured me that everything was going to be ok after my first surgery. They empowered me to be able to take care of myself and my stoma.

Being a guy I really don't care about the smell plus I have extra bathrooms in my house; I can find a bathroom out of way so it won't bother any guest.
Posted 5/8/2014 8:39 PM (GMT 0)
lol, no. I was just curious. When I wrote "for statistical purposes" it was more like "for my curiosity" haha


4-6 bm per day is too much, son. 1 bm for every 2 days is in acceptable margins. And a big and formed one. Aaaaannnddd and I don't care about the logistics behind it. I want what I want...right ks1905? lol
Posted 5/8/2014 8:47 PM (GMT 0)
www.findloveintheloo.com
Posted 5/8/2014 11:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, great to hear your so happy with your surgery! With regards to dating, if it was me, I would probably not mention my illness until I felt I could trust someone enough with it. When I first got UC I was appalled at the bathroom noises I made too, fortunately I don't have that problem much now, but if I did, and I was staying over at a boyfriends place, I would make sure I used a bathroom tucked away someplace, so no one could hear, or even turn on the shower in the bathroom before going, or even a radio, turned up loud, so the noise would drown out the sound...ha ha! that probably sounds a bit daft, but its an idea!
Posted 5/8/2014 11:46 PM (GMT 0)

Somedude said...
l4-6 bm per day is too much, son. 1 bm for every 2 days is in acceptable margins.l

hahaha that's funny Somedude. My hubby has a perfectly healthy colon and he goes 3x a day! I'll take my 4x a day with my j pouch anytime over UC! yeah
Posted 5/9/2014 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Chrissey-
With regard to noise, I usually run water in the sink or flush several times.
With regard to odor, some of the dollar stores have odor-eliminating toilet drops. Small bottle you can carry easily.
Best of luck in nursing school.
IAS
Posted 5/9/2014 5:15 AM (GMT 0)

ItsAlwaysSomething said...

With regard to odor, some of the dollar stores have odor-eliminating toilet drops. Small bottle you can carry easily.
IAS

Good suggestion on the drops, I'm going to buy some for when I get reconnect in June and my J-pouch is functioning. Right now I have drops/deodorant for my ostomy bag.
Posted 5/9/2014 3:04 PM (GMT 0)
So do all J pouchers make loud noises? Like is that a usual complaint from J pouchers?
Posted 5/9/2014 4:47 PM (GMT 0)

Conquer UC said...
So do all J pouchers make loud noises? Like is that a usual complaint from J pouchers?

Yup, pretty much. Not every single visit to the bathroom but many times it can be loud.
Posted 5/9/2014 9:31 PM (GMT 0)
The average healthy human being passes gas something like 15 times per day (sometimes it is silent, obviously). Most j-pouchers can't pass gas off the toilet (it's a skill like anything else, I have no interest in "practicing"), so those 15 farts get compressed into 5-6 trips to the bathroom for me. It's natural that I'll pass a decent amount of wind with each bowel movement. Sometimes it's noisy, sometimes it's not. I'd say it's only like really noticeably loud a few times per week. IDK, out of everything I've been through, this is not something I ever think about.

Ever since my takedown I've been working like crazy (making up for being on disability and not very effective even when I was at work in the past due to feeling awful) so I haven't been dating all that much. I am very open with people but I'm not really interested in being an "educator" to someone I'm dating... it came up once on a first date because the guy brought up microbiome research, but then had never heard of UC or IBD. Hm. It's still a big part of my life obviously but unlike in the past when I was actively flaring, it's a big part of my life that is mostly confined to when I'm alone in the bathroom. In other words, I probably wouldn't share it until things became more serious.
Posted 5/9/2014 10:31 PM (GMT 0)

Pluot said...
Most j-pouchers can't pass gas off the toilet .

ohhh man, why not? cant j-pouchers let it reeep like normal people??....man I get depressed already... :(
Posted 5/9/2014 11:07 PM (GMT 0)

Somedude said...

Pluot said...
Most j-pouchers can't pass gas off the toilet .

ohhh man, why not? cant j-pouchers let it reeep like normal people??....man I get depressed already... :(

I can and a lot of other j pouchers can too. After four years I have it figured out now! :)
Posted 5/10/2014 12:19 AM (GMT 0)

Pluot said...
. Most j-pouchers can't pass gas off the toilet

True, with less space within your system, there's a lot less room to work with. 99% of the time when I'm stuck with the feeling of having to pass gas, I head for the restroom.
Posted 5/10/2014 3:46 AM (GMT 0)
Shrug... it doesn't bother me... I would love to find a guy to date who is guaranteed to never fart in bed or in the car or anything, I think it's one of my positive qualities! :)
Posted 5/10/2014 4:06 AM (GMT 0)
To answer the original poster's question: I think in dating everything depends on the two people involved and how they relate. I met my wife (married just this April!) online, and had posted on my profile on the dating site that I had health challenges that have shaped my life, but that they didn't define me. The first time we met she asked about them and I told her. To me it seemed easier to be myself and explain the disease (in a non-graphic way) initially since it has been such a big factor in how I've directed my life.

In people I dated not from online I'd sometimes tell later on, some earlier. Just depends on the two people, like I said. My wife tells me that she wanted me to kiss her more than I did on our first real date out, and that she thought maybe I was prude, lol. With other dates I would have been different, but my wife was so shy on our date that I felt like a big kiss would've scared her off. Somehow I won her over, so I don't regret my decisions!

Regarding dating, just really be a happy authentic version of yourself. You will attract the right person and life will be great... or that is eventually how things went for me at least, after many many duds.
Posted 5/10/2014 1:50 PM (GMT 0)

ByeByeUC said...

Somedude said...

Pluot said...
Most j-pouchers can't pass gas off the toilet .

ohhh man, why not? cant j-pouchers let it reeep like normal people??....man I get depressed already... :(

I can and a lot of other j pouchers can too. After four years I have it figured out now! :)

How Marianne? Pass on the know-how! Others may benefit...
Posted 5/10/2014 4:15 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry for the delayed response and thanks everyone you always know how to make me feel better :) I've been studying my butt off for my 2 finals.

To answer the question about my BMS Somedude ha I have 4-6 a day depending on what I eat. Chocolate and sweets make me go more. It beats being bloated and feeling constipated that's for sure! I never will have hard stool again only semi solid if I bulk up on metamucil.

Ks109- that's awesome you are definitely seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck with everything. Please let us know how it all goes! get that butt cream because for the first 2 weeks your butt is going to burn- just a warning. Oh and non-alcoholic baby wipes, I still use those, they are more gentle if I go a lot through out the day.

Byebye UC you are so right, my sister's husband farts on her all the time!

Conquer UC- any suggestions on how to make your stool thicker, my nerves right now are going crazy and I feel like they are kind of liquidity right now.

Honestly, I should not let it bother me, being the noise I make in the bathroom when I go, ha. When I'm in my own personal space or even with my roommate it is fine. It is more so in a public restroom at the school with younger girls where I feel uncomfortable.

I don't want me saying my stool smells to discourage anyone from getting the surgery. I bought Poo-pouri ha and my roommate says she can not even smell it! I was just concerned over a guys house, no offense to the guys on here but some can be so darn judgmental. I guess i'm basing this off a jerk of an ex I had too which is not a fair comparison.

I too would much rather be going 4-6 times a day then dealing with those excruciating UC pains and having to run to the bathroom. I live a very normal life for anyone who wants to know. Yes, it takes adjustment and you go through stages second guessing it in the beginning. Overall though, I'm finally myself again and med free! No more predisone that stuff was terrible and very scary. If you only respond to steroids like I did and none of the immunosuppressant drugs work I strongly advise you to look into having the surgery. Figure this, the 6 months the surgery takes in comparison to having the rest of your life back- I think you know the answer to that. I'm on here too because I do want to be an advocate and a resource to anyone.

Here's another thing if you are concerned about people knowing about the bag then get this. I lived in a shore house with 12 guys, 5 of which were in my room who knew nothing until I told them. I was not going to let having an ileostomy stop me from living my life. UC had already played that role for about a year and a half.

If you have any questions or unsure about it, please reach out to me. I'm very easy to talk to and would love to help anyone through this challenging time.

Hopefully I answered everyone! And like others say if you are going to talk bad about this surgery then others please don't forget other successful Jpouchers living their lives turn
Posted 5/10/2014 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
I lived in a shore house with 12 guys, 5 of which were in my room who knew nothing until I told them.

Where did you keep your ostomy supplies? Sorry, I find that a bit hard to believe. Even something as simple as a t-shirt riding up accidentally could give the game away.

In reference to the rest of the thread, I can read between the lines. All the disadvantages come sneaking out of the woodwork in a discussion like this.

*sigh* Oh I miss my healthy colon where there were no drawbacks to my plumbing whatsoever. It all worked perfectly until I got Crohn's. Even then, though, my early Crohn's was so mild it still seemed to be better than having a j-pouch; moderate-to-severe Crohn's was another kettle of fish, admittedly. But let's face it: life without a colon is not like having completely normal plumbing and never will be.
Posted 5/10/2014 4:29 PM (GMT 0)

ChrisM2186 said...


Byebye UC you are so right, my sister's husband farts on her all the time!

Chris, there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to that. This angel has been living with a j-pouch for over 20 years now. And I really wish I could pass gas without having to sit on a toilet, but after all this time, I still can't. And I know in my case it's made dating very annoying and something I'm insecure about too.
Posted 5/11/2014 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
My hubby has a j-pouch and it sounds like a bomb is going off most of the time when he goes! Sometimes he will fart in his sleep, and I wake him up so he can make sure he didn't poop himself! Haha!

And you will find that special someone who won't care what your poo sounds or smells like. :)
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